Hurts so bad, don't know that to do

[MSMT]

I met her at my part-time job in December.. It immediately clicked and over the Christmas we texted every day, it was wonderful, I was never so happy in my life. But I was careful because three months before this I lived through a terrible heartbreak and I told myself that I must be very careful this time, I told myself that it’s just a fling and nothing more.

 

Then we started having sex, being together every day, she told me that she is in love with me, that she doesn’t want just some fling, that she didn’t experienced anything like this in her life. We had this very special connection, and my cautiousness went out of the window pretty quickly. We worked together, we ate together, we went on dates together, we slept together, we almost lived together. She even bought us a pet, small rat, so we could care for it together. It was so beautiful, I don’t have words for it.

 

She told me that she doesn’t want some fling, only real relationship. She initiated everything, basically lovebombed me, one day she asked me if I want to be in relationship with her, of course I said yes, she told me that I am perfect and all these things and I was so blind, of course these things were red flags but I was so blinded by her affection for me, I didn’t see anything. I fell in love with her because I believed her. After three months she started fading out, she told me when men are too kind and caring to her she starts to be mean and nasty and then just ghosted me, broke up with me over a text, didn’t even want to see me.

 

That was four months ago, since then she sent me birthday wishes but I didn’t even respond because what’s the point? I lived through this once and I know that there is no point. She doesn’t want me, she doesn’t love me, I am doing no contact, I accepted that she won’t come back. I removed her from social media, but she is still watching my stories there, I don’t understand why. I accepted that it is over but that doesn’t stop me from being emotionally broken and devastated.

 

I think about her every single day even if I don’t want to. It’s like I am addicted to the idea of being with her because it was so beautiful, most beautiful thing in my life. All these questions, did I mean something to her? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why did she pursue me so hard? Why all this affection if it meant nothing in the end? I know it’s over. I am not lying to myself. But I don’t know how to erase these feelings. I won’t contact her because I know there is no point. But that’s not stopping me from being utterly devastated.

[schlumpy]

You have already done NC and come to realize she won't be back. That's a good start. You are miles ahead of most partners who get dumped.

 

Get rid of her memorabilia as soon as your emotions allow you to.

 

Look up the 180 on the chump lady's website. It will help you detach from your feelings but not quickly. Only lots of time will do that.

 

I'm sorry she took you back to ground zero. When it gets bad, come here and vent. We will listen.

[Highndry]

Google Borderline Personality Disorder and start reading.

[lana-banana]

She even bought us a pet, small rat, so we could care for it together. It was so beautiful, I don’t have words for it.

 

It may take months or even years to realize it, but someday you will wake up to the enormity of the bullet you dodged. You're doing all the right things. Continue to take care of yourself and protect your heart.

[mark clemson]

It sounds like you have limerence for her. It take way too long to fade unfortunately, but eventually it DOES fade. You'll need to wait it out. It will probably be at least a few more months.

 

In the meantime, it's OK to date casually (just recognize that you won't be emotionally committed) or do whatever else to distract yourself and improve yourself while you wait this out.

 

Sooner or later you'll be ready for a new relationship that will hopefully be just as satisfying or even better in some ways as this last one.

[Fekenaws]

"That was four months ago, since then she sent me birthday wishes but I didn’t even respond because what’s the point? I lived through this once and I know that there is no point. She doesn’t want me, she doesn’t love me, I am doing no contact, I accepted that she won’t come back."

 

This alone proves what good shape you're in. You're right, her messages mean nothing. Keep in no contact.

 

"I removed her from social media, but she is still watching my stories there, I don’t understand why."

 

She's just keeping tabs on you dude. It means nothing, I watch people's stories who I haven't spoken to in over a decade. I watch all my exes stories too. It means nothing. Keep moving on.

[The Outlaw]

You've already taken the first step towards recovery with NC. Keep that up. And while you may not want to realize it now, she did you a favor. As much as it hurts, it's better that it happened now rather than later if it had gotten serious.

[preraph]

What likely happened is that you simply both decided to fall in love but you didn't know each other. So you went all in, but then it took a few months for her to realize that the more she got to actually know you, that you were not who she projected onto you who she hoped you would be. This actually happens a lot. People are in love with love or they're in love with sex and they get carried away before they even know the person. Like you said, you had to ignore red flags to keep it going and that was you getting to know who she really was but choosing to stay love blind.

 

At least you realize it's not anything to try to resurrect. It was just two people kind of wanting to be in love and not waiting to get to know the person because the physical stuff was enough at first.

[MSMT]

It may take months or even years to realize it, but someday you will wake up to the enormity of the bullet you dodged. You're doing all the right things. Continue to take care of yourself and protect your heart.

 

Thank you for your words, if you don't mind, could you elaborate a little on that? Was something shady about that pet thing? I loved that little mouse.

[MSMT]

What likely happened is that you simply both decided to fall in love but you didn't know each other. So you went all in, but then it took a few months for her to realize that the more she got to actually know you, that you were not who she projected onto you who she hoped you would be. This actually happens a lot. People are in love with love or they're in love with sex and they get carried away before they even know the person. Like you said, you had to ignore red flags to keep it going and that was you getting to know who she really was but choosing to stay love blind.

 

At least you realize it's not anything to try to resurrect. It was just two people kind of wanting to be in love and not waiting to get to know the person because the physical stuff was enough at first.

 

I know but it wasn't only about sex. We loved talking about deeper things, we had many mutual interests, if it was only about sex it would be easier now. Way more easier. I know because I experienced that too.