Unrequited love with work colleague

[Soak]

I won't go into details, but a power differential (they have 'power' over me).

 

Took their friendliness and doting nature to heart and thought that she liked me.

We are both women. I am openly gay. Her, i am not sure.

 

I have tried to impress her, i would always be there for her. But people like that only want what's bad for them and sadly will wakeup one day to find no one is there for them.

 

It hurts.

 

Well, of course, i now know it's all about keeping the peace in the workplace and i was never that special to her in the first place.

 

1. I feel like a fool

 

2. I'm wondering why i always fall for people that are nice to me (like i didn't have enough attention when i was younger)

 

3. Why I attract people where as soon as i am 'nice' to them, they withdraw, backup and give me the cold shoulder!

 

I am stuck in the situation with her for another 6-7 months (don't ask, just believe). I am finding myself very hostile to her because of the predicament i'm in. I feel that she talks to me just to keep the peace and i don't feel it is necessary for her to do this. She should just chill back and leave me alone, unless it's a direct, work-related matter. But, instead she'll make innocious conversation with me to alleviate her own feelings (to look popular) or for show!

 

I just want her to leave me alone. I am on the verge of telling her to back off.

 

Of course i know it's not her fault for my mis-reading her communication.

 

I have tried to keep my distance, literally. But when work brings us together, she turns on this showy stuff.

 

Ugh, how do i deal?

Edited August 20, 2019 by Soak

[Soak]

[quote=Soak;784908

Ugh, how do i deal?

 

Space, space, space is how I'll deal with the situation. I wish she'd get the hint and stop being overly 'friendly' to me when there's others around. Silence is what she'll be met with if she engages in trivial, innocuous conversation with me.

[Jacobv1]

Yeah, it sucks when you misread some one for liking you. I'm the same way with females they do have a power over me when they are nice though I always get the cold shoulder, though that's because I naturally am cold only in introductions and "breaking the ice" and females pick up on it I wish I wasn't like that and be like other guys who are all warm hearted and open and make a girl fall in love with them.

 

So what has happened dose she still bug you.

[preraph]

Well, you've got to just exercise self-discipline until your emotions calm down a little. Likely she is not gay or she's probably have been open to you about it or befriended you outside work. So once she figured out you have feelings for her, which is not hard to figure out, she knew she had to make clear that you knew that wasn't going to happen. That said, she doesn't dislike you, and it's her job to try to be professional and friendly and keep a good work relationship with you.

 

Now that you know she is not interested in you that way, you must stop thinking about what you feel is her only liking people bad for her. This sounds like one of the threads on here about women never like the "nice" guys, which is a load of hooey. You're just upset. What's good for you isn't good for the next person. If you make the mistake of airing any of that with her, it would be taken as utter disrespect, like she's too stupid to make her own decisions and that you know better, and I guarantee that will not ingratiate her to you.

 

It's you who needs to back off and just act professional and no more. Good luck.

[spiderowl]

I am sorry to hear you are hurt and I can see it must be a very painful situation for you. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) at work we have to be professional and not allow personal feelings to interfere with working relationships, unless someone has really behaved badly - in which case it is a different situation.

 

I agree with Preraph that it is likely that she is not gay or bi and just did not feel that way about you. Perhaps she thought she was building a friendship and good relationship with a colleague and you felt it was something different. It is actually sad for both of you if that is the case.

 

I may be totally wrong and she may be gay or bi, in which case you are suffering the heartbreak of rejection. You will start to feel better eventually but maybe you need to look around for another job so you can get away from the 'source' of the pain.

 

If she is not gay or bi, then you need to understand she never intended to hurt you and is not rejecting you; she is just not going to fall in love with a woman. Of course she has to make it clear to you if things reached a point where a decision had to be made. It would not be fair on you for her to leave you thinking there could be a romantic relationship. She may be trying to do her best for you and failing dismally if you are not understanding her orientation.