my boyfriend finds me annoying

[Binny90]

Hi guys,

 

I am currently in a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend and yesterday I came across his facebook account on his laptop. Unfortunately, I couldn't help but to have a quick snoop ><

 

I clicked on a chat that he was having with one of his old mate.

His friend was asking about how he was and if he was still with me?

To which he replied "yeah I'm still with her haha. She's annoying but she's good"

 

It really hurt to see that and I know it was wrong snooping. Now that this has happened I feel so depressed. I don't know how to confront him, and if i don't i don't know how I can get pass this.

 

We have had fights and arguments before where he has also called me annoying.

There are times when I find him annoying, but i do not called him annoying to my friends of family.

 

[PegNosePete]

Have you heard the expression locker room talk?

 

There is no way you can "confront" him without admitting that you violated his privacy and broke his trust. Which IMO is a much bigger offence than an off-hand remark to a mate.

 

So I guess you have 2 choices:

a) Suck it up, and judge him on how he actually behaves towards you rather than banter with his mates;

b) Have a big blowout, which you will lose because you lose all moral high ground as soon as you confess to snooping.

[MetallicHue]

I’ve been in a 15 year relationship and I think my wife can be annoying too lol. I wouldn’t worry about it.

[Mr. Lucky]

There are times when I find him annoying, but i do not called him annoying to my friends of family.

 

My guess would be he's not calling you annoying per se. Rather, he's describing an aspect of your relationship.

 

Rather than shooting the messenger, you might consider the content. Perhaps there's a chance here to improve your relationship...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gaeta]

It's silly talk between 2 guys, I think it's funny. So..you're annoying! so what? We all have flaws. My bf can be annoying too, I love him to death including when he's annoying.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Are you overly happy, hyper and pushy? Do you nag?

[Curiousroxy86]

I don’t think you should “confront” him

 

This is ONE of his opinions he has about you. One of many things I predict. Sometimes he finds you annoying. But he also may enjoy spending time with you, think your a wonderful person, loves you, misses you, thinks your beautiful, thinks your sexy, thinks some more positive things that you don’t realize along with annoying, and some other flaws that you don’t know about that he can add to the list next to annoying....

 

Confronting him won’t change his mind lol.

 

You can either continue to be who you are in a way that feels right and/or you can alter some ways that you may admit or know is annoying

 

But I wouldn’t confront him. I would let this one go and just live your life the way you want to live it going forward.

 

Good luck.

[Watercolors]

So, you snooped and found out your boyfriend called you annoying behind your back. Here on LS, you admitted that your boyfriend also annoys you. Same thing. Not a big deal.

 

If you confront him about his comment you have to admit to him that you violated his privacy and snooped. He'll likely focus on your snooping rather than apologize for his comment that hurt your feelings. Do you want to go there?

 

You could also just randomly bring it up in conversation like this, with your boyfriend, "You know. I was thinking how grateful I am that we've been together for 3 years. I know I can be annoying, but if I ever annoy you, I hope you'll just tell me, ok?" Hey may or may not take the bait. If he doesn't take the bait, bring up an example where he told you when you did or said something that annoyed him, for context's sake. "Oh, remember that I time I really annoyed you when I did/said a, b, or c, does that still annoy you?"

 

People in relationships annoy each other. If he wanted to break up with you, he would have. If he wanted to talk to you about what you do or say that annoys him, he would have. Unless, is he the type of guy who holds everything in and doesn't communicate to you how your words or actions make him feel? Do you have to pull information out of him?

[The Outlaw]

It's best to just let it go. Bringing it up may only make things worse.

[mark clemson]

I suspect for most people it's hard to be in a LTR with finding your partner annoying at least some of the time.

 

If you find them annoying a lot of the time, that might be a problem.

 

Does his being annoying make you wish to end the relationship? If not then good.

 

As per Mr. Lucky, you might cautiously explore what he find annoying and consider if you can reasonably accommodate some changes, IF it makes sense to. You can also cautiously request and hope for some modest changes from him as well.

 

As per many posts above, suggest not rocking the boat too much on this one, unless you're genuinely unhappy in the relationship overall (or you find out he actually is).

[Mr. Lucky]

you might cautiously explore what he find annoying and consider if you can reasonably accommodate some changes, IF it makes sense to. You can also cautiously request and hope for some modest changes from him as well.

 

Lemons, meet lemonade.

 

A much more constructive approach than stomping off in a pouty huff...

 

Mr. Lucky

[elaine567]

Not a "pouty huff".

She is hurt and depressed.

She would never speak to her friends about him in that way, so she feels betrayed and disrespected by the guy she thought had her back.

After 3 years it is a bit disappointing to say the least...

[basil67]

Is Elaine right that you'd NEVER confide in a friend about relationship issues and his annoying traits? If so, you're a rare woman indeed as sharing this stuff is extremely common among women.

 

My BFF and I have talked about how annoying our spouses can be. But we love them dearly anyway. Lucky that she and I are never annoying to them

[Mr. Lucky]

She would never speak to her friends about him in that way, so she feels betrayed and disrespected by the guy she thought had her back.

After 3 years it is a bit disappointing to say the least...

 

Boy Elaine, my wife has a number of close friends, her sister amongst them. And having had a few glimpses into their conversations, I can guarantee there are things said about me and the other husbands/BF that, taken literally, could put a few dents in the male ego. I look at it as "girl talk" and a valuable chance to vent.

 

I'm glad she has this outlet, otherwise she'd be pretty annoying ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[preraph]

Don't confront him. Everyone is annoying if you get to know them well enough! It just means he can't always get his way. I could find something annoying about any of my 40 year friendships. But mostly, you love them.

[smackie9]

Hah me and my husband call each other annoying, but we still love each other...it's kinda like giving each other a ribbing about it.

 

Your BF said it to be funny/endearing. You are over reacting let it go...and STOP snooping in his messages. You tell him you saw his message, that will open up a Pandora's box like no other.

[Watercolors]

I tell my friends and family members that they annoy me all the time. I even tell my friends that my family members annoy me, and vice versa. It doesn't mean anything negative...until it does.

[spiderowl]

I'm not a guy but I doubt most guys would be soppy when they talk to their mates about their girlfriend. They don't like to be seen as the type who gets attached. It's much more acceptable to say what he said to a mate. They can bond as 'bros' then, agreeing that women are annoying, but actually it's a compliment because he did not fail to say you were 'good'.

 

I heard one guy refer to his girlfriend as 'my bimbo' when talking to his mates. 20 years later, he is happily married to the 'bimbo' and they have children. He's always grumbling about having to do things for her, but secretly he loves this relationship. Some guys do not like to show emotional vulnerability to their mates, that's all.