Husband Wants An Expensive Gift? How do I handle this?

[DragonzRoost]

With Christmas being my absolute favorite holiday, I usually purchase gifts with the intent of coming from the heart. My Husband has really expensive tastes and ever since he purchased a Gucci wallet and belt nearly 10 years back, he has been raving about getting a new wallet. His Gucci belt and wallet, is falling apart, that its hard to say its a wallet or belt anymore. Problem is, the one he wants in particular is $500! Now that might not be a lot to some people, but I keep thinking of what you could do with that much money. That is enough to get everyone in my Family a decent gift. Hell I could get him a Coach wallet for half that, but he insists that Coach is cheap (Which I don't feel that way) and that Gucci is a very good brand and continues to mention how his wallet held up for over 10 years. (Yup I get it, its still falling apart...so no...it hasn't held up.)

 

He follows up with "I don't think you will get me a Gucci wallet and I don't expect you to, because you always change your mind when you do have the money." (Yeah no ****) "You also would just get Pullip dolls or other stuff." Mind you Pullip dolls at most are under $200, generally $160.

He makes me feel bad, because he has wanted a Gucci wallet for a few years in our marriage. One year I told him I would try to get him a wallet, but fell very short and had to break the news. (I know I shouldn't make any promises) That was my serious bad... I am thinking of taking up a side job to get the money, but I still don't feel comfortable handing over $500 for a wallet. Plus with Christmas, I won't be able to enjoy it, because I will be working like a dog for most, if not all of the holiday.

 

What would you do if your significant other asked you for a $500 gift? Or wanted something that was expensive ($500) for a long time? What is the right thing to do? I have always given him nice gifts, but NEVER $500 in one sitting. He also wants to pick out the wallet he wants and there is one for $400, but the one he wants is $500!!

Edited August 20, 2019 by DragonzRoost

[DragonzRoost]

On the holiday season I don't spend anything on myself, its all spread out for Family. I plan to save, but I don't see the difference between Gucci and Coach wallets. Guess we will see how much I have saved before then. Thanks for the help!

[GorillaTheater]

This is pretty alien territory for me, because I'm a cheapskate who pays around 20 bucks for a wallet that apparently lasts just about as long as a Gucci, but let me ask this:

 

How do you all do finances? One pot or his/hers or a combination of the two? If it's one pot, and it won't screw up your finances, it seems like a no-brainer: get the wallet. If it's your money and it won't screw up your finances, I' probably get him the wallet anyways. If it's something that you as a household can't afford, tough break but no Gucci.

 

Pullip dolls? Y'all spend money on weird stuff.

[DragonzRoost]

Yeah we do spend on some weird stuff, that is very true!

After thinking about it and how we are financially, I think we could swing the wallet. Taking up am extra side job, now as I think about it, won't be a forever thing. I decided to just bite the bullet and get him the wallet for just this Christmas. Plus its hard to decide where our finances will be a few months from now, so I guess its needless worrying again. Thanks for the advice, I greatly appreciate it!

[Art_Critic]

I'm with GorillaT on this one, I buy Fossil Wallets at Belks for like $29 and they last many years so having a $500 wallet when the lifestyle doesn't support it means you are not living within your means..

Having to go get and work a second job over a wallet is just nuts..

 

IMO if it's joint money then you might think about getting it but if it's yours to get I would buy him a nice wallet somewhere else and if he has an issue with it then he would be being an idiot to just be one.

[BettyDraper]

If you have to take up an extra job to afford a clothing item, then you cannot afford it and you should live within your means.

[DragonzRoost]

These are very good points and I agree entirely that getting a second job for extra money to get a $500 wallet is ridiculous. I think our lifestyle doesn't fit this and that there are plenty of other wallets out there half the price of this that are just as good. He refuses to budge on the idea that anything is better than this brand, but I think he is doing just that..living a lifestyle that neither of us can afford. It also doesn't make it fair to other people in my Family who I had plans to get gifts for during the holidays. I appreciate you guys bringing up that point, its crucial to consider if he is looking at this the right way or thinking he can afford extravagant goods, without us having the means to do so. Mind you this brand is so expensive its insane. Even with $500 and after tax, its nearly $540. There is no way I can personally afford that, when our finances are separate. Usually when Christmas is around the corner, I shop early for things, but if saving up $500....there is no way. He will be the only one with a gift and everyone else I know...is going to be bitter about receiving under $10 gifts, if they see he received a $500 wallet from me.

Edited August 20, 2019 by DragonzRoost

[Gaeta]

I'm glad you came to your senses. It's ridiculous to take up a second job for a fancy gift. If you take a second job it's to save for emergency money. If I absolutely want something to spoil me I get it myself.

[Fekenaws]

Don't ask someone what they want if you're not going to go out and get it. He wants a Gucci wallet, get him a wallet. Christmas is in 4 months, are you so strapped for cash you can't save $125 a month? If that's the case then I'd highly consider looking into a new job. After all my expenses are taken care of I have $950 left of play/save money a month, and I'm not making much.

[DragonzRoost]

I think you miss the point.. I never asked him what he wanted, he just has an expensive taste and that is what he has been wanting, for a while. If I ask him what he likes for the holidays. For example: If I say "Hey I really want to get you a fuzzy robe, would you like that? Then he starts looking at $500 wallets and says, "I want this, but I know you won't get it.".....well yeah. That is different and I am not just saving $125 a month, because there are other people in my Family who I wish to get gifts for as well. He mentioned the $500 wallet, when I expect to get him something more affordable. Again, my bad, but I didn't ask him directly "What do you want for Christmas?" other than mentioning getting him a robe. Even if I had a great job, paying $500 for a wallet I still think it is ridiculous. It depends on my finances, but I agree with what others have said above. Anyways, I think I have enough advice from this thread to know what to do and coming to my senses on the expensive gift. Will see what happens, given its 4 months away (situation could change), but still a lot of money! Anyways thanks everyone for your advice! I think this thread has been SOLVED!

Edited August 20, 2019 by DragonzRoost

[BTDT2012]

Give him whatever you have budgeted for his gift, and let him put it toward buying that Gucci wallet.

 

 

 

He will be the only one with a gift and everyone else I know...is going to be bitter about receiving under $10 gifts, if they see he received a $500 wallet from me.

 

 

I always spend more on my husband than anyone else.

[schlumpy]

Run a diversion.

 

Get him a fancy weather station instead with lots of blinking lights and warning alarms. He'll be mesmerized and you can pocket the difference.

[Kitty Tantrum]

I've spent a lot of money on gifts before even though I'm POOR, so it's not strictly the dollar amount that gets me.

 

It's the fact that it's a $500 wallet. I don't care how well it's made, it's not worth $500. Nothing about the materials or construction warrants that price. You're paying for a brand name and an image.

 

I can buy a GORGEOUS handcrafted full-grain leather wallet that will last DECADES for a fraction of that price. I can MAKE one for even less.

 

A MAN who is BASICALLY obsessed with designer handbags??? :sick:

 

If my fiance asked for something like that, I wouldn't be hemming and hawing over whether to buy it for him, I'd be struggling to choose between whether I should laugh at him and berate him for his consumer whoredom and hope he comes to his senses, or just do the kind thing and quietly leave him.

[heartwhole2]

My father taught me that the biggest way to screw up a relationship is to not understand when something is important to your spouse. Honestly, life is too short to lecture your spouse on why they should desire a different brand of wallet or why they should spend $500 on what you'd rather have. You can be a killjoy to something that is obviously very important to him, or you can share in his joy even if it's not how you derive joy.

 

Now if $500 is just unrealistic for a Christmas gift, you could combine several holidays, or give him a Gucci gift card for $250, or whatever you think is appropriate. But I would make a good faith effort to honor his wishes, rather than trying to talk him out of what gives him joy. Life is just too short for that, and negativity and lecturing are very quick ways to sour a relationship.

[LivingWaterPlease]

If I could at all swing it I'd definitely get him the wallet.

 

From what you've written about his desire for it, I believe it means a whole lot more to him than just a place to carry money or credit cards.

 

And five or ten years from now you'll never miss the money. But, he'll always recall how you splurged on it, just to fulfill his desire for it.

Edited August 21, 2019 by LivingWaterPlease

[xxcazaxx]

give him a Gucci gift card for $250, or whatever you think is appropriate.

 

I think this is a great idea, that way you can pay what you can afford. Personally i would never dream of asking for something so expensive and would never expect to be asked for something so expensive in return.

[anika99]

OP I was totally on your side until you said that you buy yourself pullip dolls. If you have bought yourself more than 2 of those things over the past 10 years then I think your husband deserves his fancy wallet. I personally would never buy myself a $500 wallet even though I can easily afford it but I also would never buy myself dolls that cost up to $200. Expensive dolls are no less ridiculous than expensive wallets. At least a wallet is something useful.

 

You feel pressured to come up with the money in the next 4 months but it sounds like your husband has been asking for this for at least several years so you've actually had lots and lots of time to figure this out but you just never bothered. I'd say do your best to come up with the money by xmas and if you fall short than put the money into a gift card as suggested and tell your husband you will make up the difference with another gift card over sometime over the next year.

[amaysngrace]

I’d rather have a $30 wallet and $470 to put in it, but that’s just me.

 

You promised you’d get it for him and you never did so I can see why he’s bummed. Next time don’t make promises you can’t or won’t keep.

 

But yea, I think you owe him that wallet.

[preraph]

Pullip dolls, really, at $200 a whack? At least a wallet has a serviceable use! Sell a couple of Pullip dolls and there you have your wallet money. Y'all have just enough money to be silly with it. Do NOT buy him some other wallet. Either buy it or don't, and finance it by selling off your collectibles.

[BettyDraper]

Why would you need to take a second job to raise $500?

 

That's not a lot of money. I wonder what you do for a living.

[basil67]

I'd buy the wallet, but we can also afford it. If we couldn't easily afford it, I'd have a conversation with him about how we could budget for it. He may well decide that it's unaffordable...or he may have other ideas of how to make it work.

[lana-banana]

He's right that the difference between Gucci and Coach is night and day. Coach is considered pretty cheap (says the woman whose entire closet is worth, like, $100).

 

Other posters are also correct that this seems to be one of those Things that your husband is very dedicated to, and even if you don't fully understand it it's worth being supportive. Put as much money away as you possibly can between now and Christmas and if it really and truly doesn't work, get a gift card. But he does care a lot about this, so you should at least try.

 

When I was 25 I bought my fashion-obsessed sister a Balenciaga wallet for around $600. I didn't get it at all but it was a huge, huge deal to her, and almost eight years later she still uses it and shows it off to everyone. It's a very big deal to her because she says it makes her feel classy and confident no matter where she is. In retrospect it was well worth it.

[AMarriedMan]

A MAN who is BASICALLY obsessed with designer handbags??? :sick:

 

If my fiance asked for something like that, I wouldn't be hemming and hawing over whether to buy it for him, I'd be struggling to choose between whether I should laugh at him and berate him for his consumer whoredom and hope he comes to his senses, or just do the kind thing and quietly leave him.

 

I agree with this. Only a moron would want a Gucci wallet or Gucci anything. Consumerism of such proportions is a disease.

[AMarriedMan]

When I was 25 I bought my fashion-obsessed sister a Balenciaga wallet for around $600. I didn't get it at all but it was a huge, huge deal to her, and almost eight years later she still uses it and shows it off to everyone. It's a very big deal to her because she says it makes her feel classy and confident no matter where she is. In retrospect it was well worth it.

 

Talk about external locus of control. You could be talking about a drug instead. In fact, serotonin re-uptake inhibitors do just that: make people feel more dominant in social interactions.

 

Humans have dominance hierarchies like any animals and I guess it will be impossible let alone undesirable to stamp them out completely. But I honestly think it would do us a lot of good to relax a little bit, and learn to become less conscious of these hierarchies and thus reinforce them less. Classy and confident is what people high up in a dominance hierarchy feel. A system where paying a third party $600 for an object the possession of which confers those feelings seems ... suspicious. It's easy to get hooked on such feelings and bring financial ruin upon oneself in pursuit of them.

[heartwhole2]

Talk about external locus of control. You could be talking about a drug instead. In fact, serotonin re-uptake inhibitors do just that: make people feel more dominant in social interactions.

 

Humans have dominance hierarchies like any animals and I guess it will be impossible let alone undesirable to stamp them out completely. But I honestly think it would do us a lot of good to relax a little bit, and learn to become less conscious of these hierarchies and thus reinforce them less. Classy and confident is what people high up in a dominance hierarchy feel. A system where paying a third party $600 for an object the possession of which confers those feelings seems ... suspicious. It's easy to get hooked on such feelings and bring financial ruin upon oneself in pursuit of them.

 

I'm not advocating anyone getting hooked in some endless consumer one-up-manship. In this case neither OP's husband nor lana-banana's sister ran out and bought themselves fancy wallets they couldn't afford, so this seems to be tangential at best. They're both healthy examples of people who plan to use the item for a long, long time rather than acquiring as many of them as possible, and who can tolerate delayed gratification.