Husband Wants An Expensive Gift? How do I handle this?

[Els]

IF I asked for Louis Vuitton and a man got me Tory Burch I would still think he wasn’t valuing what I actually asked for.

 

 

The price matters in his case, because he's refusing the brand she can afford by calling it "cheap". Like I said, it's similar to a woman refusing a Coach purse and insisting on a Louis Vuitton.

[S2B]

OP - what did you decide to do about buying the wallet he wants?

[LivingWaterPlease]

Yes, happy to agree to disagree.

 

 

 

I can understand this. H and I both do this as well - splurging on things for each other that we wouldn't for ourselves.

 

 

But neither of us would ever expect it or say the things that her husband is saying, though. Unless he explicitly asked me what brand I wanted, I would never tell him what brand to buy for a gift to me. And I would ESPECIALLY not call his choice of brand "cheap" and ask for a more expensive brand... let alone bring up his personal expenditure when he says it's too expensive, which is (to me ) a form of guilt-tripping.

 

I agree that his request is not what I would do. I don't ask for anything for gifts at all.

 

But, he didn't post. It was she that posted. And based on her post that's what I would do in response no matter what I thought of his request.

 

Had he been the poster and posted that she was resisting his request I would have told him that IMO it's more gracious not to request your preference for a gift unless asked. And I would have told him to just let her give him whatever she would like.

 

But he is not the poster. She is so that's who I'm replying to.

 

I believe it's best to be gracious no matter what position the other is in. IOW base your actions on who you are, not on who the other person is. A personal belief of mine. I try to do this but do fall short at times.

 

So would still counsel her to buy him the wallet with a generous heart!

[S2B]

Why is it gracious to NOT request what would make you happy? There will be a gift - why not state what would make you happy?

 

I think it’s smart to allow a person the time to plan (save) for an expensive item.

 

I’d rather get someone one expensive item that may last 10-20 years than 10 smaller items that last 6-12 months.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Why is it gracious to NOT request what would make you happy? There will be a gift - why not state what would make you happy?

 

I think it’s smart to allow a person the time to plan (save) for an expensive item.

 

I’d rather get someone one expensive item that may last 10-20 years than 10 smaller items that last 6-12 months.

 

Just my opinion on gift giving that I wouldn't ask someone or specify what I want unless asked.

 

Editing to add: Since you asked why it isn't gracious here are reasons that I would consider and advise. However, I'm not saying everyone should go by my reasons. But, if someone asked me for advice about gift giving and since you're asking why here's what I'd say.

 

Seems to me a gift comes from the heart of the giver. If the giver wants your input they'll ask. But, maybe they have something else in mind already that they want to give so I wouldn't take the pleasure of planning that away from them by telling them what to get for me.

 

And the gift giver, as demonstrated by OP in this thread, may have a budget they want to abide by and the gift you (or I or whomever) may ask for may be out of the range of their budget which could cause a problem as it has with OP.

 

OTOH as I already wrote, if they ask, then I'd share what I'd like and be fine with it.

 

But, still, if someone, particularly a husband, would ask for something they really want badly I'd try to move heaven and earth so to speak to get it for them. Just because it would be wonderful for both of us to do that.

 

One more thing, though. If a couple has a tradition or practice of telling each other what they want as a gift and it works for them, I wouldn't tell them not to do it.

 

I just started posting on this thread because a problem has arisen with OP that seems to be causing issues between her and her husband. I think in many instances, going by the idea of being gracious would solve lots of problems. That's the basis of grace anyway, doing what makes others most comfortable and putting the needs of others before your own.

Edited August 26, 2019 by LivingWaterPlease

[Veronica73]

I actually think there was a similar thread to this very recently. The poster was a woman and she really wanted an expensive bag, and she was bothered that her husband wouldn’t get it for her even though he spends a lot of money on golfing. If I remember correctly, most people were on the husband’s side and judging her for wanting an expensive bag.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I actually think there was a similar thread to this very recently. The poster was a woman and she really wanted an expensive bag, and she was bothered that her husband wouldn’t get it for her even though he spends a lot of money on golfing. If I remember correctly, most people were on the husband’s side and judging her for wanting an expensive bag.

 

Interesting, Veronica! I should have gone back and read the thread before adding my two cents, lol!

 

But, I think I would also have advised the woman not to expect the expensive bag since she was the one who inquired.

 

And if this husband would have posted I'd probably have advised him not to request the expensive wallet, too.

 

Same for both.

 

But if the golfing husband had written in I'd have advised him to buy the bag as I've advised OP to do.

 

IMO, the idea is not to judge who's eligible to receive an expensive gift and who has to pay for them. To me, the idea is more to advise folks to be generous toward the spouse, whatever it entails.

Edited August 27, 2019 by LivingWaterPlease

[Veronica73]

I found it! https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/684602-husband-cheap-me-but-spoils-himself

[S2B]

If you don’t get him the wallet he wants - what do you planto get him instead?

[anika99]

So, if a man posts about planning to get his wife a Coach purse as a gift, and instead of appreciating the effort, she tells him "Coach is cheap, I only want Louis Vuitton", followed by "I don't think you will get me a Louis Vuitton and I don't expect you to, because you always change your mind when you do have the money. You also would get football jerseys and other stuff"... that's totally fine and not manipulative/demanding at all?

 

I would ask him if it's true that he buys himself jerseys that cost up to $200 and if he said yes then I would tell him he to buy his wife the damn $500 purse. Let's not forget that he has been using the same wallet for 10yrs and he's been asking his wife for years for a replacement, and she even told him one year she was going to get it but then she let him down. Meanwhile she buys herself useless dolls. Lets say she has bought herself 2 dolls a year for the past 5yrs. That's $2000 dollars spent indulging herself so why doesn't her husband deserve a $500 indulgence?

 

If my husband thought it was okay to spend hundreds or possibly even thousands dollars on gifts for himself but then became all thrifty and frugal when it came to my gift I would feel that he is selfish and that doesn't value me very much at all.