gaius Posted September 7, 2019 Share Posted September 7, 2019 I have no advice about getting over the fact that he chose to go be overseas without you. But if you do manage to get over that understandable hurt and decide to do this I can tell you it's going to be awful. I've had to be away from my wife before for work, I had no other choice, and there's no way to put any kind of positive spin on it. It's horrible and it sucks. Just treat it like a prison sentence. Count down the days till it's over, talk and video chat as much as you can and visit often. And tell him if he wants to be with you 6 months is it. This is the one and only time you're doing it. Don't let him think his career is his wife and you're his mistress. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I’ve been through all of your post, are you sure you’re 100% in this relationship? It sounds like your boyfriend should’ve talk to you prior to making his decision but his decision to do this was to show that he could work outside your country as well. You stated that you wanted migrate somewhere else one day and he’s just trying to prove he can do that with you. There is a difference between being a needy person always wanting to be there with your partner and being in love with somebody wanting them close to you always. It honestly sounds like you’re the one that’s not in this relationship 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I was in the military when I was younger. I was deployed several times during those years. The longest stretch was for one year. My wife and I made it through just fine with a few phone calls a month and letters in between. We were in love which made coming home so much sweeter. It just doesn’t sound like you have the same feelings for your boyfriend that my wife and I had for each other. That’s why I asked if you were 100% in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 (edited) Why did his ex-wife have a say in it then? Why did I not get the same chance to discuss it? He clearly wants to go to Japan. The first time this opportunity presented itself, he asked his wife and she said (as many wives would) “No, I don’t want you to leave for six months.” He learned that lesson the hard way, so this time he decided to make a unilateral decision - he did not consult you and he is going to have this adventure. I think resentment given this situation is only natural. After all, relationships are supposed to be partnerships, especially when you are moving toward marriage. The decision he made was a unilateral decision. And, we are not talking “Hey honey, I’m going out with the guys on Friday night. Sorry, I forgot to tell you...” No, you thought you were moving towards commitment and calmer seas ahead... And clearly, he has other priorities. How do you get past the resentment? I’m not sure that you do. I think it’s time to re-evaluate this relationship and this would probably be the end of the relationship for me. I would be focusing on work, going out with friends, and maybe even dating other people while he is away. I’m curious, how old is this man and why did his first marriage fail? Are there other red flags that maybe you haven’t noticed, until now... Edited September 10, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
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