I am a good person

[CT98]

I came to what I hope is a significant breakthrough last night.

 

I realised that I am a great person and a great boyfriend.

 

I am in the best shape of my life, I am intelligent, I dress well, I have treated every one of my girlfriends well, including my most recent ex.

 

When I was lying on my bed last night, looking at my phone and wondering why she hadn't messaged me I realised...I am worth so much more than this, I deserve someone who wants to be near me, who cares about me, who respects my company, who wouldn't throw me away as soon as a problem arises.

 

Instead of looking at what I've lost, I'm telling myself the things she has lost..

 

This feeling feels good, it feels like a real kick up the backside; it feels like real motivation to let this one go and hope for a better future with a relationship in which we are deserving of each other.

 

I feel now like I want to move on rather than having to move on.

 

I'm sorry for the self indulgent post but I feel by writing this down it will reinforce this even deeper in my mind.

[anika99]

Good for you! The worst thing that people do after a break up is wallow in self blame and self doubt. "Whyyyy didn't they want me? What is wrong with me?" I'm not belittling people who do that. Lord knows, I've done it myself, but it's super self destructive and it's crazy how much of our self worth that we hand over to someone else. It's fantastic that you have risen above the negative thoughts. And you're correct that it's important to back up your positive thoughts with reinforcement, either by writing your thoughts down or speaking them out loud.

[Trail Blazer]

Good for you, man!

 

Often it's others who don't see our worth because they're ro preoccupied with their own crap, or they're just negative people whi struggle to see the good in life. It's a relection on them, not us.

 

I've come through break ups at the other end with that exact attitude. Without being arrogant, I know my worth and I know what I bring to the table in a relationship. If someone else doesn't value what I bring, that's cool, but they're not the person for me and I'll move on.

[preraph]

That's great! You snapped out of the pattern and realized things were unbalanced, and now you can make decisions about it with a clear head.

[spiderowl]

It's great that you have recognised this. When a relationship falls apart, it is easy to feel like a failure. But it is not a failure, it is two people who do not match up enough, that's all. You have great qualities that some woman will spot in the future. Sounds like you are going in the right direction.

[amaysngrace]

Now it all makes sense when those closest to you tell you “it’s her loss”

 

Hoppy for you!!

[scooby-philly]

I came to what I hope is a significant breakthrough

last night.

 

I realised that I am a great person and a great boyfriend.

 

I am in the best shape of my life, I am intelligent, I dress well, I have treated every one of my girlfriends well, including my most recent ex.

 

When I was lying on my bed last night, looking at my phone and wondering why she hadn't messaged me I realised...I am worth so much more than this, I deserve someone who wants to be near me, who cares about me, who respects my company, who wouldn't throw me away as soon as a problem arises.

 

Instead of looking at what I've lost, I'm telling myself the things she has lost..

 

This feeling feels good, it feels like a real kick up the backside; it feels like real motivation to let this one go and hope for a better future with a relationship in which we are deserving of each other.

 

I feel now like I want to move on rather than having to move on.

 

I'm sorry for the self indulgent post but I feel by writing this down it will reinforce this even deeper in my mind.

 

I needed to hear this today. So for selfish reasons - thank you!

 

No one is perfect. No one does it all right, says all the right things, and we can only give so much before we need to recharge.

 

People often don't see the whole picture of who's in front of them. That's why it's so important to see a potential partner in so many settings and why so many relationships, even marriages fail, when the first BIG struggle comes along.

 

And yes, there are women (AND MEN - Don't hate me ladies ) who are toxic and bad people. But very often most women aren't "that bad" - it's just conflicting things - personalities, wants, places in life, etc that show that a relationship isn't right for two people. An it's SO IMPORTANT - especially for "good men" - men who actually know how to treat a woman, who communicate, who work as a partner, etc. - to understand - while we might not be the best as x,y,z - we bring a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i, etc with us - and if someone doesn't recognize it, if someone doesn't see it, if someone doesn't care about it, or if someone doesn't want it - there's nothing we can do - and we deserve better.

 

That and the other insights you shared our powerful!

 

I recently broke up/was broken up with by gf of close to two years. Was all lovey dovey one day and then broke up by text/im the next - but couldn't even be mature about it to do it in person to even say "I want to break up"...just b.s. about "not having time for a relationship" - even though I was bending over backwards to make myself the easiest part of her life and despite the fact that I was the first person in her life she could be herself around and who gave her love and support and wanted to build something with her. So - to your point OP - she lost!

 

Now the question for us both (though I'm still in a bit of the grieving process with anger, depression, and a restless mind running in circles) - can we move on, can we stick to it, and can we have the smarts and self love to recognize if we don't get what we need moving forward early on, to speak our needs, and to be happy with just who we are.

 

And very happy to hear someone saying the WANT to move on! And self-indulgent posts are totally okay - that's why this forum exists!

[scooby-philly]

I realised...I am worth so much more than this, I deserve someone who wants to be near me, who cares about me, who respects my company, who wouldn't throw me away as soon as a problem arises.

 

THIS RIGHT HERE. I needed to hear this right now. I'm a giver and too often swallow my own needs. I'm not perfect, but in reality my ex has lost the only real friend she has, the only person who would actually put up with her, cherish her, encourage her, and be there for her no matter what. She may be young enough to go and find someone else, but she's going to be in for a rough road and won't grow or change for a long while now. Not that I'm trying to bash her - but it's more of recognizing I am a good partner, a good friend, and was there for her when she had no one else - so at least now I know what kind of person she truly is underneath all of the sweet talk and shows of affection.

[Alamo657]

I realised that I am a great person and a great boyfriend.

 

I am in the best shape of my life, I am intelligent, I dress well, I have treated every one of my girlfriends well, including my most recent ex.

 

When I was lying on my bed last night, looking at my phone and wondering why she hadn't messaged me I realised...I am worth so much more than this, I deserve someone who wants to be near me, who cares about me, who respects my company, who wouldn't throw me away as soon as a problem arises.

 

Great thinking.

Them not wanting to get involved further with us doesn't make us bad person... they don't want what we have, but someone else might.