jetstar123 Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 I had been dating a girl for about a month and a half until she suddenly stopped payig attention to me. We were texting pretty much every day and seeing each other at least once or twice a week, sometimes sleeping together too. However, something like 2 weeks ago (maybe a bit more) she suddenly cancelled our plans to do something with her friends and started talking to me less and less and being ''too busy'' to meet up with me (taking like 2 days to answer). Each time I opened the door for a serious conversation, saying that I will understand if she isn't interested anymore and that she can communicate if she wants, her answer was always that everything is fine and blah blah blah until she went complete ghost mode on me last week. After a week of waiting I decided to send a final message saying I'm tired of being treated like this and that I think she's being cruel of not officially breaking up and stopping me from moving on. At my surprise she answered to that message within minutes, only to say that everyone gets hurt sometimes and that sh*t happens and not everything can go as we want in life, then she disappeared again and stopped answering. Is it like a new trend to break up without actually breaking up with the other person or is that just her? I think that's a coward and selfish move, I feel hurt and disrespected. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Did you actually plan dates and take her out twice a week? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 (edited) It's rotten of her to ghost on you, but you were very passive in your approach. You gave away all your power by repeatedly trying to talk about it. By staying with her even though you weren't happy. Particularly if it's early dating like this, you mention the issue once and it doesn't get better, just leave. If you make the decision to leave, then you give yourself the power to move on. Edited August 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Six weeks dating and after a month she goes distant and is "busy". That is not a cue to go into full couples counselling mode, that is a cue for you to realise she just isn't interested. Early dating should be the best time, the time when you are really into one another and can't wait to meet up. If she goes distant, then ask why, in case she has a good reason - she lost her job, her mother is sick, she is genuinely very very busy at work, she has exams... etc. but if she fobs you off and she is still distant then end it. You can't live long term with someone who is "distant", someone who is lukewarm about you, so best cut your losses and run, don't wait around. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
megan4321 Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 Yes she is a coward and she disrespected you. I do hope that it isn't a trend because it's pretty poor show. I don't think I would of sent a text as you did in a new relationship. Best to walk away in body and mind once you know she's not interested. She obviously wasn't interested. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 It's certainly not rare for this to be how it goes. Lots of people don't want the confrontation and just decide the person will get the hint. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 You said you were seeing each other once or twice a week. You never indicated taking her out/making her feel special and planning dates that show you want to have fun outside the bedroom. What did it look like when you were seeing her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jetstar123 Posted August 23, 2019 Author Share Posted August 23, 2019 But don't you think it's kind of twisted to repeatedly meet up and sleep with someone you know is interested in you if you don't have the slight interest in that person? I mean, you're probably right, but that's just very mean and selfish. Looks like she only used me to get some attention and affection during summer and now she's back doing her things without including me in her life anymore. I think I at least deserved to know that my feelings weren't reciprocated... But maybe I'm just not modern enough for my young age. What did it look like when you were seeing her? Like just hanging out, going to movies, music shows etc. And sleeping together if we were not busy the following morning. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 It was rude but that's who she is. If you keep expecting more from her you'll just get dissapointed. She wasn't relationship material do you aren't out much Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 She met another guy. You became back-burner material. If this happens again, don't call the woman out on it, just ghost her back. When she comes crawling back, which is likely with these types, you bang her again then ditch her like a bad habit. Link to post Share on other sites
PureAppleJuice Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 She met another guy. You became back-burner material. If this happens again, don't call the woman out on it, just ghost her back. When she comes crawling back, which is likely with these types, you bang her again then ditch her like a bad habit. I wouldn't even grant her the pleasure of that; I'd just ignore her straight out. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 Don't let her keep you on a shelf and that's what she's trying to do by leaving things "up in the air" as far as you are concerned. Live the best life you can for yourself. Remove all temptation to contact her from and if you see her again be civil but say as little as possible. Find someone to build a life with and not just sleep with. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 I wouldn't even grant her the pleasure of that; I'd just ignore her straight out. I probably wouldn't either, because it's a vindictive move. But that's really all these types deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jetstar123 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 I'm reviving this thread for for the sole reason that there's something new happening with this same girl. I hadn't tried to reach her out for like 2 months (after a 2 months ''relationship''), I should have had fun, met other people etc. But I've never really found any time to date new girls with all my new obligations choking me (school, work, side-projects) so I've never really moved on and I've been fealing really alone recently. I know it's maybe not my greatest move, but I unblocked and re-followed her on social media and she immediately follows me back, so I wait a few hours and I decide to send her a message saying it's been a long time, that I hope she feels better now and that it could be nice to have a talk. Then she says she had some family problems when we were last talking but now she feels better. (That doesn't completely excuse ghosting me, but that can be a good reason tho). Then I say I missed talking to her, she says she missed it too. Afterwards I suggest we could pick it up where we left off and meet soon, rent a room and spend a weekend together like we used to, she said yes and we're currently looking for a precise date. So here I am, we don't text much because she's never really invested in our text conversations anyway, but at least she's open to make plans and spend the night with me so I guess it's a good sign. At this point I know that maybe we're both just feeling alone and that maybe she doesn't even like me that much, but with that being said, I think I'll be happy just to get laid and have someone to talk to outside of my usual friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Don't be surprised when she flakes. She's already shown the kind of person she is. Obviously you have incredibly low standards, too, which is what you should take a look at. Link to post Share on other sites
bc72fgbjbc Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Obviously you have incredibly low standards, too, which is what you should take a look at. Can't argue with you on that. But I have very little time to meet someone new and I'm so lonely so it's hard to resist the temptation to go back to the last person I've loved, even if the relationahip was toxic towards the end. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 So you're not dating her, you're just basically having a FWB with her. I imagine that's why she became disinterested. If you were taking her on dates and being respectful, she may or may not have stayed interested. Anyway, just doing FWB, which is what it sounds like, you don't get to throw a fit when they drop you. It's just sex. I mean, you get back together and all you suggest is renting a room......whoopeee Link to post Share on other sites
bc72fgbjbc Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 So you're not dating her, you're just basically having a FWB with her. I imagine that's why she became disinterested. If you were taking her on dates and being respectful, she may or may not have stayed interested. Anyway, just doing FWB, which is what it sounds like, you don't get to throw a fit when they drop you. It's just sex. I mean, you get back together and all you suggest is renting a room......whoopeee Nope it's not the only thing we were doing, I talked more about that earlier in the thread so I just didn't want to repeat myself. It just ended up that at the end it was what we were doing most of the time (but it wasn't really my call, nor was it hers) but we were also goin to the movies, restaurants etc. I don't think it's fair to say it's all my fault, I mean, I got ghosted without any closure, nobody deserves that. Ofcourse that's all I'm suggesting for now. I don't want to have my heart smashed into pieces another time by the same girl. But if things go well and she continues seeing me and showing interest then I'll consider again having something serious with her. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Your call, but it probably would have just been better to drop her a line instead of wanting to pick up where you left off. If she ghosted you once, there's always the possibility she'll do it again. When anyone is that dismissive of you, they are no longer worth anymore of your time no matter how you feel. It may suck if feelings are involved, but believe me, you'll be better off in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
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