vicky1995 Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 (edited) First of all sorry for my language, English is not my mother tongue. I would like to ask for advice to see other people's point of view about my relationship. My boyfriend and I are coming from two different countries but he has moved to my city because he is going to school there. My boyfriend has a temperament. On one hand I see him as a loyal and committed but on the other hand I can't stand his comments about me. He told me already many things that hurted me and he claims everytime, that it's just the way it is. He can tell me I smell bad, that my breath stinks, that I shouldn't wear those shoes with this skirt, that I have dirt under my nails, that I haven't shaved properly, that I should eat with my hands on the table. Everytime I visit him I'm stressed about things I do in order not to get critisims. He can get angry because I'm washing the dishes in a way he doesn't like or that I put salt in a wrong place. He is losing his temper easily. He is very fierce while arguing. I have the feeling that I'm not enough for him, he didn't even post any picture with us even though we are 1 year in a relationship. I feel like everything I do I do wrong. He tells me that I'm slow, that I do everything 2 hours late. Last time he made a big drama cause I took small towel from bathroom, not big one and he told me I don't take care about myself. He can comment on my make up, on clotes he doesn't like and so on. When he tells me something and I don't hear it or I don't understand then for second time when he tells me I can feel he is angry. Few days ago I wanted him to eat ice-cream so I told him that I dont want them. I told him that I want him to eat ice-cream because he had free coupon for this. He told me Im stupid which hurted me a lot. I know he wanted good for me and I appreciate it , but the way he is communicating makes me sad. I'm scared to make him angry so I tiptoe around him. His mood changes easily. I just came back from 4days trip with him and I was so stressed. We crashed a car and he told me it was my fault cause I didn't give him good enough advice where we should go. He is having a great job that is very improtant and well-paid, I feel he wants me to be a perfect doll and he wants to change me. I feel like he wants a woman that he can show off and I'm not one, I'm a simple girl. He doesn't repect my religion since I'm a catholic and he laughs and people from my country, he doesn't have problems with saying that it's ****ty here. I cry a lot when I think about it but on the other hand I'm still with him since I see good in him. But on the other hand I can't imagine living with him, I feel so little when I'm with him. I know I'm sensitive, maybe too sensitive. I just don't know what to think. He makes me feel bad about myself. I tried to talk with him but it's his way of seeing the world and it's his personality, it is impossible to change it. What do you guys think? Edited August 22, 2019 by vicky1995 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Yes, your bf is toxic/abusive. Please leave whilst you still can. He will suck all the life from you, leaving you an empty shell. Dating is supposed to be fun, it is not supposed to be HELL on earth.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 This is very dangerous for you and could escalate to where he will use physical force to punish you for not following his neurotic instructions. Insist he get psychological help. If he doesn't, then get out of the relationship. This will destroy you as a person if you don't. Please don't become a statistic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Twizzlestick Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Holy smoke this guy sounds like a real piece of work. Extremely controlling and that is abusive. I would urge you to gather the strength to leave. There are people out there who will cherish you. Don’t wait and try to fix him, wait for counselling etc. He sounds a nightmare. He’s making your life a misery. You don’t deserve this. And you certainly shouldn’t wait around for him to “try”. You’ll just be caught in a loop forever. A rele isn’t a job where you’re paid, you choose to be in it to bring good things in your life and this isn’t bringing any good to you at all. You Mention he can be fierce and he sounds like he’s a temper on him. When you can gather the strength to leave please make sure you have a plan in place, make it quick, somewhere public, and then go straight to relatives etc. I don’t want to be all over the top, but given what he sounds like you don’t want to be on your own in an apartment at night when you tell him it’s over in case he reacts a bit. That’s not the time to find out he also can be physical. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Yes, this man is controlling and emotionally abusive. He’s obviously not very much fun to love with - you are sacred of him and he makes you cry. You are walking on eggshells, trying to please him so that he won’t become upset. You are not married to this man. Two things - this will only get worse if you marry him. And, it’s much easier to leave him when you are NOT married. Don’t waste another day with this man. Don’t ask him to go for counselling - guys like this don’t change. This is who he is - an abuser. Leave him today. Be safe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 You deserve so much better. Please move on as soon as you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 https://youtu.be/RTiTQ5Q6ryM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Another woman who thought her guy had “redeeming qualities” and that the good times outweighed the bad. Read her last post. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/685631-am-i-messing-up Link to post Share on other sites
ajequals Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 No one deserves what your going through ,he's not a boyfriend ....walk away Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Yes, he is abusive and this is a very toxic relationship. It’s the opposite of how it’s supposed to be. Get out now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 Yes, he's abusive and there is no point in staying with someone who makes your miserable. You'd be happier on your own than that! You don't always have to have a man. Leave him and be on your own a while, work two jobs if necessary, and then see if you can't meet someone who makes your life fun and better instead of making you miserable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vicky1995 Posted August 23, 2019 Author Share Posted August 23, 2019 Thank you guys !!! That's what I was thinking but I wanted to make sure I'm not crazy Thank you thank you! I will gather the strenght and break up with him. Thank you for all advice <3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vicky1995 Posted October 20, 2019 Author Share Posted October 20, 2019 Hello. I want to ask you guys for your opinion. I've been in relationship with my boyfriend from over a year. He is nervous type. He often critisized me and I felt everything I do is pissing him off. That I walk in a bad way. That I eat in a bad way. That I take wrong towel and so on. One month ago I talked about it with him and I really saw a change. Although for me it's sad that he admits that with me he has to keep his nerves aside. This basically means that I'm annoying for him. He even said it's difficult for him to stay calm when he has a little cow next to him (because he claims when I eat I don't close my mouth)... Today he was tired, nervous. I do hybrid nails and I have this thing that I touch them, I scrape them and I can't control it, I even don't know when I do it. He told me I'm losing my money like this because I'm wasting those nails I've paid for (which is not true, I'm not taking my nail polish off, Im just touching the back of the nail). He has been telling me to leave those nails, he gived me a snack with this hands on my hand. Yesterday we were walking home and suddenly he kicked my hand with his shoe... It hurted me, I felt so bad I started to cry. He was surprised I was crying. He gave me a hug but didnt say sorry. Then he was mad at me that I was silent. Today he told me I should stop touching my face because I have pimples from it ( This is not true, I'm suffering from illness that giving me pimples but I'm fighting with it and my face is really okay for me). Please help. What do you think about it? I presented only bad sides of him but he really has good feautures, he is loyal and caring. Sometimes I feel like a trash tho. Thank you <3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 (edited) From what you have written I can't say for certain whether him kicking your hand was accidental on purpose. I will tell you it doesn't matter. Your BF is a mean controlling man. He does not love you. He is insulting to you. You need to break up with him before your self esteem is beyond repair. Loving couples do not insult each other the nasty way he treats you. Assuming it's the same guy you were already told that he is abusive & you would do well to run: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/689177-my-boyfriend-toxic-abusive Edited October 20, 2019 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 You know how your boyfriend has two sides to him? The nitpicking little bully and the nice guy? Well, the nitpicking little bully is his real personality and the nice guy only pops up for peace-keeping missions. He kicked you on purpose, and that's assault no matter how trivial, and you need to see that for what it was - this gutless little twerp has no problem bullying and abusing women, and very likely this is just the start of more physical abuse. A little at first, just to see if you'll take it, and then it will start to escalate as he gets angrier and angrier at you for not being perfect. I'd tell this uptight little tool to take his nerves and his nitpicking to a good psychologist, and you go find yourself someone who's worthy of your time and attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 Please please please get away from this man as soon as possible, while you still can. Do not put up with this. You will end up as a shell of your normal self and you will not then have the courage to go anywhere. Abusers are not abusers 24/7, they often have nice bits, but the bad bits tend to overshadow the nice bits and you are left with a pretty nasty guy who controls you, erodes your confidence and makes you upset and miserable. He crossed the line here, he went from emotional abuse to physical abuse... This will just get worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 I can’t imagine what you mean when you say he has “good sides” - nothing he could possibly do would excuse the fact that he is verbally and physically abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 I'd strongly suggest you get out of this relationship. This is not healthy. No way you should be in this type of situation. Remember, you are worth more than what you are putting up with. You can find something worthwhile. I don't know if he kicked your hand on purpose but I feel like mentally he's been messing with you. Do you think he did on purpose is the real question? What does your gut tell you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vicky1995 Posted October 21, 2019 Author Share Posted October 21, 2019 Yes, he did it on purpose. I was touching my nails and he kicked my hand with his leg because he wanted me to leave my hand. Many times he has slapped my hand with his, just like a joke but sometimes it was really hard slap. Then he was surprised that I was crying and he asked me why. I told him well, it hurted me a little. He said : okay, it just a little then it’s okay. (Or something like this) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 I forgot who said it but there's a saying: Be with a man who ruins your lipstick (by kissing you) not your mascara (by making you cry). This guy is awful. Get rid of him. His never OK for him to hurt you on purpose, not even a little. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 RUN AWAY. I'm so sorry but this is horrible. I cannot stress it enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 (edited) My first thought when reading your post is that you may have some anxiety and have nervous habits, although you mentioned your boyfriend is the nervous type. Your boyfriend seems a bit immature from your post and I'm sorry but how can your boyfriend be loyal and caring yet you sometimes feel like trash? I'm a fifty five year old woman, so keep this in mind, if my daughters boyfriend, ever put his hands on her in an inappropriate way, she best not tell me about it. If anything, you adore your boyfriend and I can understand this, but from a first impression, he needs to grow up and realize that communicating,by being causing you pain is not acceptable. He seems to think he is entitled to be parental towards you, and yes, it sounds abusive. Edited October 21, 2019 by skywriter 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 He sounds like a weak man with no power or control in his life. He bullies you, someone who is meek and submissive to him, someone who can't defend herself, in order to feel like he is control of something. This verbal and emotional abuse, and the power trip he gets out of dominating you, will get violent once you are his 'property' in a marriage. He comes home drunk one night, you say the wrong thing, and *wack.* Then it's not just verbal and emotional abuse anymore. But if you think having a husband with a good income is worth a shot to the face every so often, then marry him. Ray Rice's wife is right there with you. Just make sure you come up with other stories than "I fell down the stairs" to explain that fat lip, because it will start getting suspicious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 This man kicks you around like a dog. I didn't need to read more than the first few sentences to see he is completely abusive. Now it has escalated. Get out. This is only the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
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