He is not a good little brother after acting like that [UPDATED]

[Tagalz]

Hey!

 

I’m on vacation in Japan with my brother and before we was traveling there the last word from my parents was that we should NOT argue in public. Meaning that we have to get along. So far I can say that it has not been the case.

 

1. When we were at the Adidas store he said that he was looking for bottoms to use in training so I gladly helped him but when it was my turn to look around he was being inpatient saying I take to long.

 

2. He told me to find a way to Kyoto station and then he walks away from me. The worst part is that he has the hotspot meaning I can’t look up a way to Kyoto station without him being besides me.

 

He says this: «Then you have to learn to walk and check up things»

 

Me: «True but then don’t ask me to check things up and then walk away. You have to learn to be patient with me. I’ve told you many times in Osaka that I focus better when I check things up standing still.»

 

He: «I am patient but not with you because you are so slow»

 

Me: «Come with me to shopping and prove me that you are patient»

 

He didn’t say anything after that and was avoiding me... It’s probably because he don’t want to argue in public but after he’s action he’s the one who is provoking it. Yes I did argue but he was the one who provoke it.

 

I’m really thinking about telling my parents about this or have a real talk with my little brother when we arrive at the hotel... not sure because I don’t want to bother my parents

 

 

Edited August 15, 2019 by Tagalz

[Miss Clavel]

don't they have mobile hotspots all over the city? just find one. you do you.

[Tagalz]

don't they have mobile hotspots all over the city? just find one. you do you.

 

Sadly we only have 1 hotspot I’m going to buy data to use when we arrive to Tokyo so I can go around on my own. After having some time to think I will not talk to him or my parents about this.

[basil67]

Miss Clavel is talking about public wifi. Apparently there are many where you are.

[Tagalz]

Miss Clavel is talking about public wifi. Apparently there are many where you are.

 

I need to download a offline map to navigate trough the street but the public wifi only works for me if I were to check what train to take home.

 

You see without internet I can’t use google to guide me trough which way to go. That way when I go out of the mall the public internett will lose connection and I cannot see the little blue dot moving.

[Flame Aura]

1. When you enter shops, separate and find your stuff then meet at the end.

 

 

2. Get your own data instead of relying on his.

 

 

Two problems so easily solved.

[Tagalz]

 

1. When you enter shops, separate and find your stuff then meet at the end.

2. Get your own data instead of relying on his.

Two problems so easily solved.

 

No because:

 

1. I don’t know how the metro system works in Japan and I still try to learn. My brother has tried helping me.

2. I choose not to buy data because 1gb is 4133 Japanese yuen which is 39 US dollar.

 

Edit: It’s just 1 more day until we are traveling to Tokyo where we will be staying for 1 week. Just have to hold on a bit more and then I’m free. But as you can see we don’t have good relations to each other and my parents told both of us to stay together. Yes it’s easily solved but at the same time not. The metro system is more complicated in Japan then what it is compared to China.

Edited August 15, 2019 by Tagalz

[Flame Aura]

No because:

 

1. I don’t know how the metro system works in Japan and I still try to learn. My brother has tried helping me.

2. I choose not to buy data because 1gb is 4133 Japanese yuen which is 39 US dollar.

 

Edit: It’s just 1 more day until we are traveling to Tokyo where we will be staying for 1 week. Just have to hold on a bit more and then I’m free. But as you can see we don’t have good relations to each other and my parents told both of us to stay together. Yes it’s easily solved but at the same time not. The metro system is more complicated in Japan then what it is compared to China.

How old are you?

[Tagalz]

How old are you?

 

I’m 23 year old

[Foxhall]

I suspect or know tbh that you are letting your brother dictate the terms of this holiday, you are following his lead.

 

take the lead yourself, suggest you separate and meet up at a certain place two hours later or whatever,

 

he cannot be holding your hand , take the lead yourself suggest places you want to visit and take control of this vacation instead of just following what your brother wants.

[Tagalz]

I suspect or know tbh that you are letting your brother dictate the terms of this holiday, you are following his lead.

 

take the lead yourself, suggest you separate and meet up at a certain place two hours later or whatever,

 

he cannot be holding your hand , take the lead yourself suggest places you want to visit and take control of this vacation instead of just following what your brother wants.

 

Fox that is completely correct. We started together in Osaka and Kyoto. It was mostly because I didn’t have any clue how the metro system is unlike my brother who has been to Japan before. Also we wanted to see the same thing but it was in Kyoto that I noticed he had a negative behaviour.

 

While we was in Kyoto he asked me to try taking the metro alone. I did but failed. I connected to Mcdonalds free wifi and sent him a message on facebook.

 

Half of my vacation is still ruined because we are always arguing in public or saying negative word towards each other. Like we can’t have a normal conversation without him starting to say something about me

[Tagalz]

Hey.

 

Long story short I feel like he’s not behaving like a little brother should. It’s to the point where I think he sees me as an outside person.

 

It was in China were we started arguing in public (More to it) Mostly because we wanted to see different things so we agreed to go separate ways. I failed because I have no knowledge about the metro system in both countries.

 

That was then but now I know how to use it so I can freely travel alone. I only meetup with my brother when we are going to eat or when we wants to see the same attraction.

 

Most of the arguments was started by me but he was the one who provokes it. I won’t write down all of it but the last arguments we had was about sim cards.

 

I asked him about he’s opinion regarding the price and what GB I should get. He’s been to Japan before and can speak Japanese very well so he knows stuff that I don’t. He answered but negatively saying that I have low IQ for asking that. Then I proceeded to say something about him and it ended with him saying this: «Honestly no one understands your thought»

 

And If I wanted I could say that he has no common sense cause why would you read other people’s mind?

 

Like I cannot even have a normal conversation without him starting to say negatively about me.

 

UPDATE: We were invited to eat dinner with our big sister. It was 4 years since we last saw her so she wanted to catch things up with us. She’s also married to a Chinese man (We are Norwegian) and have two daughters. It was first time we got to meet the husband and likewise for him. He speaks Chinese, Japanese and English fluently

 

While we were eating my sister’s husband asked us questions to know me better and while I was answering him... my brother said something else in Japanese. Which leads me to believe that it was something about me. Why choose to speak japanese when everyone here speak english?

 

I told him to stop talking BS behind my back in a language that I don’t know about. He just stared at me. I asked my little brother after we came home but he told me that he forgot because he was talking about alot of topics with the husband.

 

(My sisters husband speaks english, chinese and japanese)

Edited August 18, 2019 by Tagalz

[Tagalz]

Hey. I’m reposting this because I got no answer and I thought it was too long. So this is a bit shorter.

 

We are halfway through our vacation to Japan. I can say that it’s been ruined by him. we started arguing in public. Mostly because we wanted to see different things so we agreed to go separate ways. I failed to take the train because I have no knowledge about how it works.

 

That was then but now I know how... which means I can travel alone. I only meetup with my brother when we are going to eat.

 

Most of the arguments is started by me but he provokes it

 

I asked about he’s opinion regarding the price and what GB I should get. He has been to Japan before. He negatively say that I have low IQ for asking that. Then I proceeded to say something about him and it ended with him saying this: «Honestly no one understands your thought»

 

He said that because I was buying 5 GB for 30 days. He’s opinion is that I should not do it because it’s expensive but my way of thinking here is that we are staying in Japan for 2 weeks and they didn’t have 2GB for 2 weeks so I had no choice.

 

And If I wanted I could say that he has no common sense cause. why would you read other people’s mind?

 

Like we cannot even have a normal conversation without him starting to say negatively about me.

 

Edit: there was also one time where he wanted to discuss about measuring how many beef slices we are going to get by looking at it. Yeah it’s a small thing but it was annoying as hell and I felt he did that just to make fun of me.

 

To me he is still my little brother, but just not a good one... agree?

Edited August 22, 2019 by Tagalz

[preraph]

Two siblings can really work each other's nerves. Don't travel with him anymore! Give him a few years to mature and perhaps yourself a few to stop getting wound up by him (you have to get away from people who you grew up with because they know how to push your buttons). You get away from that influence and your self-esteem will come back and you won't be as affected by him.

 

Also, remember, you can't control him. You can only control how you react to him. By changing how you react or not reacting at all, it may improve the situation. But I'd avoid him. His motto is something like "It's no fun if she doesn't scream." I went through that with my mother, who would only do it to me in her house on her own turf, and one day I just started not responding at all and left the room and went to take a nap. I could hear her and my sister fumbling for what to do to get me to interact so they could continue to wind me up.

[Foxhall]

(you have to get away from people who you grew up with because they know how to push your buttons).

 

 

interesting point- Yes I guess this is true actually in my own experiences,

 

 

Tagalz, well at least that is a step in the right direction doing things separately,

 

work towards not letting him get under your skin as much, boys will be boys at the end of the day,

 

dont let him talk you down- your the older brother- should have the upper hand,

 

but its only banter too- have to give and take and not be as sensitive to it.

 

and look hes still your brother too- and your best friend in Japan anyway!

[Tagalz]

 

Also, remember, you can't control him. You can only control how you react to him. By changing how you react or not reacting at all, it may improve the situation. But I'd avoid him. His motto is something like "It's no fun if she doesn't scream." I went through that with my mother, who would only do it to me in her house on her own turf, and one day I just started not responding at all and left the room and went to take a nap. I could hear her and my sister fumbling for what to do to get me to interact so they could continue to wind me up.

 

True that. Me and my little brother has not exactly had a good relationship in the past and I had somewhat high expectation that we would get along in this trip but it seems like we aren’t. Our parents told us not to argue and stay together but that also failed...

 

I did not react but I just told him to stop because I don’t like it. Thanks for your answer!

[alphamale]

both of you are equally at fault here

[The Outlaw]

Brothers will be brothers. But if it was so bad, next time go with someone else. Problems aside, you've given him TOO much power over you. Forget what he says. It just isn't worth it.

[preraph]

True that. Me and my little brother has not exactly had a good relationship in the past and I had somewhat high expectation that we would get along in this trip but it seems like we aren’t. Our parents told us not to argue and stay together but that also failed...

 

I did not react but I just told him to stop because I don’t like it. Thanks for your answer!

 

Don't feel bad. It's actually rare that siblings get along all that well. There are exceptions, but there's a lot who have issues.

[Tagalz]

Problems aside, you've given him TOO much power over you. Forget what he says. It just isn't worth it.

 

Mhm... I how exactly did I gave him power? I were following him because I didn’t knew how to take the train. He also speaks japanese very well and have been to Japan before so he sure had the upper hand. The only thing I can see why is when he provokes it and I get tricked into arguing with him. So we both say things to each other. I had to do something because If I haven’t he would continue. After a while I saw that he was baiting me so I stopped talking.

 

He isn’t doing it anymore so I have stood my ground after all

Edited August 23, 2019 by Tagalz

[anika99]

You are giving him your power by letting him bait you into arguments. You are giving him your power by letting him upset you to the point that you have started multiple threads about him here. You don't have to take the bait and argue. Life will get easier for you when you learn that you can be in control of yourself in any situation. Taking ownership of your own behaviour is the first step but I suppose that comes with maturity.

 

Sounds like normal sibling rivalry and finger pointing to me. "But he started it!" Lol, you both need to mature a bit more before you will be able to have a good relationship with each other.

[The Outlaw]

^^^^^^ Described it perfectly. Like I said, next time go with someone else.

[BaileyB]

He is the only brother you will ever have... you had best learn how to get along together.

[Tagalz]

You are giving him your power by letting him bait you into arguments. You are giving him your power by letting him upset you to the point that you have started multiple threads about him here. You don't have to take the bait and argue. Life will get easier for you when you learn that you can be in control of yourself in any situation. Taking ownership of your own behaviour is the first step but I suppose that comes with maturity.

 

Sounds like normal sibling rivalry and finger pointing to me. "But he started it!" Lol, you both need to mature a bit more before you will be able to have a good relationship with each other.

 

That is perfectly said. Thank you!

[Tagalz]

^^^^^^ Described it perfectly. Like I said, next time go with someone else.

 

He’s not arguing anymore because he knows that I won’t bait. I have stood my ground but a little too late. Yeah Next time I won’t travel with him and when we get back home I’ll cut him off