I got proposed too - now he makes me sad

[Brandi Renee]

:o

 

Yes, he asked. I said yes. We worked out some major stuff about two days before he asked me. There are still things that we are working on - like I guess every real relationship takes work.

 

The ring is huge - and beautiful.

 

He however does not want anything to do with wedding plannin and does not really want to hear much about it if possible. Just tell him where and when. Obviously he has to deal with his 3 groomsmen and the tuxedos and bachelor party. My paretns purchased the location and so of course he was thankful and happy.

 

We had a conversation about me becoming a bridezilla and a Jennifer Wilbanks - he automatically got ont he defense the first time I brought up wedding party and assumed I woudl be one of those people that get all caught up in the wedding party itself and the guests and not the actual ceremony. I was so pissed off ! I straightened him out real quick. He hates the bridal indsutry and thinks it is a carappy way to suck the finances out of the groom and bride.

 

He would rather go away privately and get married, but he knows he cant "get away with it" so he will do what everyone else wants him to do. He woudl rather avoid a bachelor party as well. He does not like any limelight at all.

 

BUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me and my mom went to a bridal show last Sunday and got allot of things nailed down in one shot, it was really conveinient and stress free. There was one thing my mom thought John must see was a sample of the video that is availble out there. There are some really great videographers.

 

I scheduled an in home appointment for this Thursday so it would be "pain free" for him and conveineint to see the sample.

 

You know what he said? He told me he really does not see why we have to have a video but if I want it then go ahead. He said he does not plan on veiwing his wedding video. He put it in terms like "gee, I cant wait to get home from work tonight so I can watch my wedding video" he said that to me sarcastically. I told him I woudl plan on wathcing every now and then and that it is a sentimetnal wonderful thing to have.

 

I told him maybe I should reconsider someone who is so "anti-sentimental wedding memory stuff".

 

HELP!

 

I am going to get the damn video. And I think I might cancel the appoinment, why waste his time and the video people time?

 

I am really hurt - and I just woudl like some input is all

[bab]

He however does not want anything to do with wedding plannin and does not really want to hear much about it if possible. Just tell him where and when.

 

Wedding planning is hard, and for those of us less inclined, very stressful. BUT it's his wedding too, and he has to step up to the plate. It should be enough for him that it's important to you.

 

We had a conversation about me becoming a bridezilla and a Jennifer Wilbanks - he automatically got ont he defense the first time I brought up wedding party and assumed I woudl be one of those people that get all caught up in the wedding party itself and the guests and not the actual ceremony. I was so pissed off ! I straightened him out real quick.

 

So, maybe the ceremony is important to him as well? Maybe the two of you could start by planning the ceremony together, since it sounds like you've taken care of all the big stuff already. Then maybe he'll get excited about the fact that during all this wedding huppla you are actually going to become his wife. Focus on that first, and maybe he'll see why weddings can be so much fun.

 

He hates the bridal indsutry and thinks it is a carappy way to suck the finances out of the groom and bride.

 

I agree with him, but we can either deal with it, or runaway. My family would be extremely hurt if we didn't do the big huppla, so that's what were doing, but, it is a crappy way to suck finances out of the groom and bride. For instance, my ceremony locations documents say one thing, but when I called, they said, "Well, we've decided to mainline our site into the wedding industry, soooo we're doubling our prices." All non-chalontly like that's just how it is, an unfortunately, it is.

 

 

I told him maybe I should reconsider someone who is so "anti-sentimental wedding memory stuff".

 

HELP!

 

I am going to get the damn video. And I think I might cancel the appoinment, why waste his time and the video people time?

 

I am really hurt - and I just woudl like some input is all

 

 

Oh come on. You aren't really going to leave him because he doesn't get into the wedding stuff are you?? Most guys aren't into the wedding, but he wouldn't ask you if he wasn't into the idea of marriage, and that's what you should remember when he's being a jerk about the planning. That's what you should keep in mind, but it still doesn't excuse his unwillingness to help. Explain to him that you understand that this isn't all that exciting for him but

it is important to you, and it's only meaningful when he's on board. Hopefully he'll come around. Good luck!!

[slubberdegullion]

Wedding ceremonies and the planning that has to go into them (not to mention the horrific expense) is an extremely stressful way to start a life together. Between difficult family dynamics to the industry's insistence on "more money, just gimme more money," it's not surprising that many men are turned off of the whole ceremonial schtick.

 

Brides and grooms tend to look at wedding ceremonies in two distinct and separate ways.

 

For the bride, it's her day to shine. All the attention is (rightly) focused on her.

 

For the groom, more often than not he's simply part of the decoration, like, say, a fancy candlestick.

 

Just as you want him to respect and honour your wishes for the wedding, so too you should be able to respect and honour his feelings about it.

 

A wedding is one day. A marriage is a life-long commitment. In his own way, he's honouring your feelings by giving you free reign to make the decisions that you see fit. So seek his input, but don't be heartbroken if he's simply not all gaga over the ceremony.

 

He's obviously gaga over you. And that's what really matters.