Boyfriend's Internet Adventures

[Letrice]

I’m beginning to have issues with my boyfriend. We met in school just over 2 years ago, and I’m home this summer, so we have a LDL for the four months I’m home. We chat frequently online, and speak on the phone as well. All that is going fine, *except*: several weeks ago, he suggested we write each other erotic emails (basically describing what we’d like to do when we’re back together), and I didn’t feel comfortable doing this, so I never replied to that particular request. Anyhow, it seems as if he’s found other girls to write that sort of emails to him.

 

I was checking his email account to see if he’d received my e-greeting, and of course, curiosity killed the cat. There was a very descriptive email from this one girl, photos, passwords from adultfriendfinder.com etc. A whole bunch of stuff I didn’t want to see. The only consoling thing I read was that he did mention me, that he was waiting for me to get back, but "meanwhile, could you tell me about the sex you’re going to have tonight" was one of the lines from his email to another girl.

 

What do you guys think of this? I know I shouldn’t have

 

checked his email in the first place, but now that I have…

 

Sigh…

 

Hopefully I'll receive a couple of insightful comments.

 

Thanks for reading this,

 

Letrice

[hmmmmm....]

it's not good, but it's not bad.

 

the fact that he was receiving stuff like that from another woman isn't a good thing, obviously, but the fact that he mentioned you is huge. i mean, nothing kills the mood of any romantic exchange like mentioning another woman, let alone one you're involved with. and he obviously isn't trying to get any further than his little cyber-fetish if he flat out told her that he was attached to you.

 

at the same time, though, the fact that he's doing it at all obviously isn't good. however, it perhaps brings up the fact that it's something he really wants. if you guys have known each other for 2 years, or have been going together for two years, then it's obvious that he's pretty happy with you. and especially if he asked you to entertain his cyber-fantasies before he ventured elsewhere, that points to some kind of loyalty. i, personally don't find erotic emails to be all that exciting, but apparently some people do, and if your guy is the type that does then it's something that you have to deal with one way or another. one option is to actually accept his offer and take part. another is to allow his little side correspondences to continue.

 

i'm assuming he has no idea that you check his email, so bringing this up might cause some less than pleasant circumstances, but at the same time, sometimes the truth is the best path. if you let him know that you know about this other girl, and tell him the circumstances under which you were accessing his email, maybe it could all work out. how much tolerance your boyfriend has for privacy invasion only you know. regardless of the fact that you were looking places you shouldnt, as you said, the damage has been done. what you do now is up to you.

[Tony T]

I don't know your boyfriend so I can't accurately judge whether this email stuff is harmless or not but I feel it probably is no big deal.

 

You should not tell him you accessed his email and you need to stop. People are entitled to their privacy. You'd be very surprised to know that a lot of very nice people do weird things in private that is known only to them. Privacy should be sacred in any relationship. If you reveal this invasion, it could be the end. I personally wouldn't stand for someone reading my email, though I have nothing to hide. It is just disrepectful and without class.

 

However, now that you have this intelligence information, you can use it to judge his behavior towards you, which is all that counts.

 

I would say that since he mentioned you in this email, he is doing this erotic stuff for entertainment or as a joke.

 

If you don't trust him enough to feel he will be loyal to you and keep his activity limited to email, then dump him.

 

The Internet has opened up a whole new can of worms that never existed in world history. This medium, which offers a pretty good degree of anonymity, let's people do a lot of things in a harmless way that they previously had no way of doing. Technology has made some things more dfficult. Telephones now have caller ID and automatic call return so obscene calls are hard to make.

 

I think what your boyfriend did was click on an ad for that adult friendfinder site and decided to have a little fun with it. I think that may be better than him going out to adult girlie shows and paying $25 to have girls stick their butts in his face. Hell, maybe he's doing that too.

 

You need to try to see him in person as much as possible over the summer...if you really care about him. Long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain between people who are young and whose chemicals are flowing strongly.