anika99 Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 NO WAY! You don't let strangers move into your house. Even if this was a female your wife barely knows this person and has no idea of who he really is. A 1 hour commute to work is pretty normal and as the previous poster stated, he's not homeless, he has his mother helping him out. If your wife figures that this guy will be up on his own two feet within 4-6 weeks, then what does he even need you guys for? He can get himself sorted in 4-6 weeks while he's living with his mom, it won't kill him. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Yeah, I guessing your wife knows this guy alot better. Not a complicated situation. Just say no Also it's only emasculating if you allow her to move another guy into your house 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 I just find the whole idea emasculating and threatening. Your wife has a habit of gathering orbiters or something. I think it's time we talk about you IslandSanctuary. Why not say no, nope, nada, not happening. What are you afraid of? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 No way I'd allow this 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 I just find the whole idea emasculating and threatening. I'm trying to understand, since you say she barely knows him, why she'd want him to stay in your house - with you gone? Even assuming the best of intentions on both their parts, seems ill advised. Your wife has a habit of gathering orbiters or something. Agreed. She's either naive or manipulative, neither of which makes for good boundaries... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 "After our divorce, you're welcome to have any man you like stay with you." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 "After our divorce, you're welcome to have any man you like stay with you." This should be your reply!!!! Your wife has a great big red flag and is waving it in front of you. Open your eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 This is nonsense. Tell her NO. My guess - his "bitch" of a gf, probably threw him out for cheating on her. As you say he's a newly single guy... Your wife is behaving very badly here. How well do you actually know her? You have allowed her inappropriate "friendship" with the gym guy to develop and now she is taking another guy right into your home. Is this another " big charismatic heavily tattooed fit guy"? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Your wife has a habit of making 'friends' especially with men. Your last post was about a man she had gotten close to at the gym. Now she wants to invite a complete male stranger to stay at your house, while you're not there. She is not taking your marriage seriously and i'm convinced she is having multiple affairs. Definitely say no to this guy staying and i strongly urge you to have a talk with her about her behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 So, the immediate answer would be, "No, absolutely not. End of discussion." But like others, I am interested in your wife's proclivity for innocently befriending other men, and her lack of comprehension as to why this might bother you. Is she THAT naive, does she enjoy the reassurance from your reactions, or is it the male attention directly that's enticing? Most women understand these boundaries intuitively. Even my ex-wife, who was pretty far out there in some ways, never recruited orbiters or developed close relationships with men. Tell us more about how she interacts with men... and does she have a bunch of close female friends, which is probably even more relevant. Link to post Share on other sites
beldar Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 No man and I repeat NO man ever cultivates a relationship with a woman just for her to be his 'friend.' I am afraid that your 'wife' has the wandering eye. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 (edited) His other posts regarding her would strongly suggest so. Edited September 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 What bothers me the most is that your wife doesn't see this as improper. That would be a tough thing for me to live with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Your wife wants to ask the friend of a work colleague, whom she's only met twice, to move in with her while you're away? You should ask her what kind of rocks her head is filled with if she thinks you'd be OK with that? She is either incredibly dumb and naive, or she's shopping around for your replacement. My bet would be the latter, because it's quite unimaginable that someone could be that dumb and naive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Your wife you said in a previous thread, comes from "overseas". Does this "friend" also come from "overseas", in that is this just expats helping each other out? or could this be some sort of a cultural thing? Some cultures are very altruistic... Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Some cultures tend to invite their brother, their mother, their mothers best friend, and their dog to live in their home... This man is a stranger. An hour commute is nothing, depending on where you live. This shows really poor judgment, in my humble opinion. There is absolutely no way that I’m inviting a stranger to stay in my home. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 The carpooling in your other thread started in part as an effort to go green/burn less gas, did it not. Possibly she's in part thinking about the gas he's burning on his hour long commute. Doesn't really matter though if that's her intentions. As a spouse, you get to lay down reasonable boundaries to make the marriage work. Not allowing a strange man to live in your house at a time when you won't be home much is COMPLETELY reasonable. Your wife sounds somewhat naive in some ways. By the way, I hope you're keeping just half an eye on her with that whole gym guy thing. Trust but verify. Do trust, but suggest a little unobtrusive verifying too every now and then, just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 As a result of many references to other recent threads on a similar marital issue, I merged them for context. Please continue! Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Your wife seems to have no healthy boundary set up. Tell her NO! And that is enough of an answer. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 (edited) It’s not April 1st so I am going on the assumption this is for real. What is it going to take to get you to see. Actually catching her in action? Out of the blue your scheduled to be gone over the next 4 to 5 weeks and she has a replacement for you all lined up. How in the heck did this come about if they only talked a few times? A complete stranger my azz. He has a place to live, his moms couch!!!! It is time for you to tell her she can do what ever she wants but it won’t be as your wife. You need to stop trying to explain why it’s wrong because it just is. Tell her that a female friend of yours just lost where she was living and needs to travel with you for a place to stay. Sounds stupid right. That is as stupid as your wife’s explanation of why she wants another man staying with her while you are away. Wake up and pull your head out of the sand. Edited September 25, 2019 by usa1ah Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 What’s the update Island? Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 Turnabout is fair play. If she insists on having her substitute man over, just tell her that there has been a change in plans on your end as well. You are going to be staying over at a single woman's house to save money. Then find a picture of a sexy young gal from the internet, lounging near her backyard pool in her bikini, and show it to her. If that doesn't budge her, then really do it. You can start to line up wife replacements now for the eventual divorce... no reason you can't have a bit of fun as well because you know what your wife and her boy toy will be doing while you are gone. Then, try to come home early so you can catch them in the act, so to speak... Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 Turnabout is fair play. If she insists on having her substitute man over, just tell her that there has been a change in plans on your end as well. You are going to be staying over at a single woman's house to save money. Then find a picture of a sexy young gal from the internet, lounging near her backyard pool in her bikini, and show it to her. If that doesn't budge her, then really do it. You can start to line up wife replacements now for the eventual divorce... no reason you can't have a bit of fun as well because you know what your wife and her boy toy will be doing while you are gone. Then, try to come home early so you can catch them in the act, so to speak... Whew chile....the pettiness! This level of petty is savage and I love it. I'm being serious. How amazingly karmic would it be if the OP gave his wife a taste of her own medicine? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 26, 2019 Share Posted September 26, 2019 How amazingly karmic would it be if the OP gave his wife a taste of her own medicine? Of course the danger of this is that the wife doesn't give a rat's behind. She just carries on cheating, and lets her husband do it too. And so you're both trapped in a crappy marriage, meeting up with others and having sex but not moving on, wasting your life. That doesn't sound very ideal to me. Better to be the adult instead, and resolve the issue with a grown up conversation, backed up by positive actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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