usa1ah Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Her saying that he was good looking is no big deal. Her saying it to her husband that was cheated on by his two previous relationships is the problem. Was the people his ex’s cheated with coworkers? Did his ex’s say similar things about the people they cheated with? Those that have been cheated on know there are triggers that they can’t explain. Signs or no signs those that have been cheated on will see what their mind shows them. Also OP has said that she had an EA with someone in her previous relationship. He is already looking for it to happen again, if he knows it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 When you're a known thief and things around you start to come up missing, you will be the suspect. There is a history of poor boundaries on her part, and her admitting that he isnt a jealous person kinda discounts the psycho paranoid guy that the pervious two posts claim him to be. She claims she cheated before because her past partner was emotionally abusive. Can we stop making blanket statements without providing context? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 It's only a blanket state for those who dont understand cheating is a character flaw couple with an inability to effectively deal with relationship problems. If she had said he is a jealous person then all of this would make more sense. But he isnt. What tends to happen is people come here with the objective of winning over the crowd. So the undersell thier behavior. According to OP she comes home mentions that she has a new attractive coworker and her husband jumps to quit your job. It makes no sense, there is more there that of course she isnt telling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Did you actually READ the initial post in this thread? She wasn't saying ANY of that! All she said was the guy probably got hired for his looks and agreed that he was good looking. Big deal! That's not even close to your example. She didn't go on and on about how everyone wants to get with him, and how all the girls are slobbering over his fantastic physique and 6-pack, and what a great butt he has and how all the girls are so mesmerized by him that they stare at him and on and on. She said NONE of that. We must be reading two different posts. Well, that is what all the girls say about me when I walk into a room... I guess I'm just projecting... Seriously, while I agree he may be over reacting, I would have to question why did she even bring it up to begin with? Because it was on her mind. The co-worker impressed her and she admitted he was good looking. This has probably happened to hubby before... cheaters tend to have big mouths and talk about what they're up to even if they don't think they are - it's up to us to recognize the signs. Just like the post a few weeks back where the wife took a nude sauna at a European hotel. What did she do next? Told her husband all about the strange weenies she encountered. This was enough to trigger the husband who was an otherwise well keeled guy... so in this case, the husband probably saw similar behaviors between his cheating ex's and his wife, and it set him off like a well oiled nuclear bomb. I say where there is smoke there is fire. Because of their previous cheating history, this relationship is primed to go up in flames... Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Of course the OP's husband has trust issues. He should have trust issues with the OP. But I feel like there's the middle of the story being left out of the OP's post. All that missing information would provide actual build up and context for why the OP's 2nd husband doesn't trust the OP and wants the OP to quit her job. Here's what we know: The OP acknowledged in previous threads here that she's cheated on her partners (but it's always her partner's fault, never hers). The OP's 2nd husband has had a history of being cheated on by his past partners, according to the OP. My question is this: Does the OP even care about her husband's feelings? Knowing he's been cheated on before? What led to the husband's request to the OP to quit her job? Did he catch her emotionally cheating with the new coworker? Most spouses don't jump from Point A to Point C. There's always a Point B that leads to Point C. No way would a husband be upset b/c his wife mentioned that the new male coworker was attractive unless she was trying to make her spouse jealous. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Does the OP even care about her husband's feelings? Knowing he's been cheated on before? Most spouses don't jump from Point A to Point C. There's always a Point B that leads to Point C. I think it's probably some of both... him being overly self-protective, and her giving signals of pushing away and lack of patience rather than seeking to allay his fears and insecurities. He's being honest, even if it's Since he has been cheated on by multiple partners, it's understandable that he'd be hyper vigilant. How do you not take it personally and integrate it when that happens? Enduring extreme emotional pain multiple times will have an effect on anyone. She said, "I feel like walking out on this marriage. I dont deserve this." Wow! Does anyone think he's not picking up on that attitude? And then there's her history, which he knows about too. Combine all three and what do you have? A man who loves his wife and is scared to death that she's going to walk out on him... like she said. He's being honest even if his reaction is greater than the circumstances call for (which I'm not sure about). If her idea of a solution is for him to pretend to not be afraid of losing his marriage, that's not going to work. She needs to help him genuinely not be afraid. The question is, as Watercolors astutely asked, does she even care, or is this all about her and what she deserves? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 A poster asked for context, as I mentioned earlier in this post, this is the same woman who couldn't understand why her first husband wanted nothing to do with her after she had an affair. I would guess that she lacks the emotional maturity to navigate through this so her first answer is walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
beldar Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 A poster asked for context, as I mentioned earlier in this post, this is the same woman who couldn't understand why her first husband wanted nothing to do with her after she had an affair. I would guess that she lacks the emotional maturity to navigate through this so her first answer is walk away. As she has from this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
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