mortensorchid Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 We have all had those moments when you are not feeling very social on certain weekends / occasions. Lately I have been feeling it quite a bit. For those of you who don't know this yet, as you get older, the want and need to socialize goes down. There are a lot of reasons behind this : you change, the people around you change, the places you go to for entertainment change, your circumstances change, etc. This is not a bad thing by any means, as I would find out the things that are/were important to you when you are 20 are not the same things that are important when you are in you're 40. I'm 44 now, about to be 45. I just took a job where I will be teaching ESL online to people in China 3 days a week from 5-11am due to the time difference in China. I will be spending a lot of time at home now. There are times when I am lonely and bored, but as I have found out boredom is a better alternative to other shenanigans out there. You don't want to deal with people and their nonsense when you don't have to anymore. So my question is when you are feeling anti social or just not excited about going out to do things anymore, how do you combat this? I am my own best friend - if I want to go out and do things I do them. I usually can't find someone to do them with, but that never stopped me from doing it. I even took substantial trips alone (overseas and domestically) in the past, I would do it again in a moment if I had the time and money. I am happy in just about everything save for the want and need for a relationship - I've tried and it just doesn't happen for me. What do you do when you're not feeling that social? Just use the internet to talk to people? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 Totally get what your mean. I was never very social but I look forward to being by myself more and more as I get older. I no longer force myself to go out. I cuddle my cat , watch Netflix, read work related articles. I feel at peace. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 I hardly ever feel social. After I spend time with my best girlfriends I feel "fed" and energized, and don't regret it, but.....I rarely initiate. I like my alone time too much probably. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 What do you do when you're not feeling that social? I do agree you get more comfortable with solitude and entertaining yourself as you get older. I try to keep a balance by making a reasonable amount of commitments I live up to regardless of mood. Visit the grandkids, play on a team, join a club, volunteer for a cause, etc. I'm careful not to over-schedule, but with practice it allows a good combo of sociability and 'me' time... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 I'm 54, divorced, and especially at the moment have a busy stressful job. So I have plenty of times of not feeling very social right now. I have one social outing I do on a standing basis once a week, and I try to keep that even when I'm not feeling social because I recognize the need to stay "in the flow" and connect with people on more than just a business or family level. Even when I feel like I'm forcing myself to go I always end up being glad I did. As CautiouslyOptimistic said, my girlfriends also provide a great outlet. Yesterday I met with one (another joined us a few hours later) and just sat outside in the beautiful weather and had drinks and chatted. Then I went home and was asleep on a Friday night by 10pm Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 I totally get what you're saying ... Yes, I can kill a weekend watching movies, being on the internet ... Basically I sorta "make" myself go out ... I remind myself of how many times i didn't feel like doing something ... then I go do it ... and I have a fabulous time. In fact, there's like zero connection between my "desire" to go out and be social ... and the amount of fun and joy I experience when I go out. So I try not to overly trust my impulse to stay home. It helps me get out when I can plan ahead and write things on the calendar and then make room in my head for going out ... because on the spur on the moment, I will usually opt to chill by myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 In fact, there's like zero connection between my "desire" to go out and be social ... and the amount of fun and joy I experience when I go out. So I try not to overly trust my impulse to stay home. That is a very accurate way of describing it! Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 I tend to almost dread weekends if I have something long scheduled on one of the days. I look forward to the weekend when I have absolutely no plans from Friday night to Sunday night. My job is very stressful and includes a lot of people interaction. Literally every half hour - hour block is scheduled. However, I agree that once I get over the hump of pushing myself to go out, I usually have fun. In fact, I met my longest ex partner on one Friday night when I was already in bed and on my way to sleep. My friend called and pushed and pushed for me to go out with her Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 I'm happiest when I have a whole weekend free with no concrete plans so I can do whatever I want. This afternoon I had plans with a friend. Though the plans were fun, I was feeling very cozy at home and had to push myself to go. I reasoned I'd have fun once I got over the inertia hump, and I did. I like that now I've fully embraced enjoying time to myself. I used to question myself, give myself a hard time sometimes. Now I just enjoy the peace. Link to post Share on other sites
LauraXX Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 It's different for me... I have the feeling that I'm becoming more social the older I get. I do have the occasional evening when I really don't want to see or talk to anybody. But that usually happens after I had several very social days in a row. This past Saturday was one of those anti-social days for me. Had an extremely stressful week at work, went out with friends on Wed & Thu & Fri. Stayed over at a friends' place on Fri and when I got home on Saturday I was exhausted and just wanted to be on my own and not speak to anybody. So I cancelled my plans for Sat evening, switched of my mobile phone and spent the rest of the day working in my garden, cooking and binging Netflix. And no, on those days I don't need the internet or Whatsapp to talk to people because I actually enjoy not talking to anybody Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 By nature Ive always been naturally more on the introverted side, I do enjoy watching boxsets and listening to music, happier at that than out in groups of people, Back in my 20s I was fortunate definitely to make some good friends who brought me out of my shell and had quite an active social life, my 30s though has reverted more to my default position which is spending more time alone and having to become comfortable with my own company, at present things have improved on the dating front for the time being at least, however I do miss the "lads nights out" that were a feature of ten years plus ago, but as I say happy doing my own thing at any rate so Ive just accepted that is how it is really for now and get on with it. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 I think it had less to do with my age and more with outside factors and things beyond my control, but I get what you're saying. I'm still very sociable but I feel to a slightly lesser degree. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 when i'm not feeling social I just cancel my plans (even if I lose money) and watch TV, or play on LS. A few weeks ago I had tickets to see Santana/Doobie Bros but at last minute I didn't feel like going so gave the tix to a friend. Cost me $140. I just stayed home, grilled up some brats and then went to bed early 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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