Do I have to accept this behaviour? Am I too sensitive?

[Oceanwaves]

I met a man online. He's much younger

Than me. Whereas I'm 33 he's 25.

However, we have lots in common,

We have a crazy good connection but

There are things I dont like and I want

An opinion about it.

He always talks about other women.

Women from the past, women he adores

On YouTube. He sends me the links,

Says he is addicted to them (voice or behaviour).

Last night he said he's gonna go watch

Porn now and he told me what the girl

Is doing. He said he's enjoying it loud

With headphones. A few hours later

I receive links from girls on Youtube, he said he

Can't go to bed because he's hooked.

With lots of laughing faces.

A few weeks back we spoke about this

Matter already. I said I don't mind him

Watching porn, but I don't need to know

When,let alone WHAT he's watching.

He agreed at that time.

I always make sure I don't do things he dislikes.

But when I brought this up last night he

Said "get used to it. That's me. I just say it"

Why can't he share that with his male

Friends? He has enough.. I felt he

Did not not respect me somehow.

He sometimes also tells me I shouldn't

Be so sensitive and a "bitxh".

He didn't mean that word all serious. I

Know it. But its not nice still. He asked me.which

Words I dont like to hear from him. I said bixch.

And he just used again, jokingly to tease me.

I didn't like that. He didn't like me to call him

Cute so I stay away from it. But he

Makes no effort. He also tells me about

What he did to get boners from other girls.

Stories stories stories.

 

[BaileyB]

Run, and don’t look back...

 

This guy has no idea what is socially acceptable. He is rude and dismissive.

 

Have you even met him yet? If this kind of behavior is what you want for your life, that’s fine. If it’s not - run.

[anika99]

Not sure why anyone would put up with that kind of disrespect from someone that is long distance and that you don't even have an in person relationship with. Where is your self respect? Why are you wasting the last of your youth on some jerk you met online instead of going out and meeting real men that will actually love you and offer you a relationship that actually has some potential?

[FMW]

He sounds horrible.

[Oceanwaves]

Not met him in person yet. Because He says he feels

Sometimes intimidated by my self confidence. But also

Fascinated he says.

Maybe that's why he is trying to act so big?

 

I currently don't feel comfortable with him anymore,

This is not okay what he does. I agree.

We are supposed to be a couple. In his opinion.

And then that. And we did talk about it

And i was so calm about it.

No matter how calm and patient I am, he would.still call

Me an annoying bitch.not serious but

He feels topics like that are just an

Inconvenience to his day.

 

The other day I told him I'm sitting by the sea.

And it makes me somehow feel closer to him since

We talk a lot on the phone when I sit down there.

And then he said its abit too cheesy what I said, but

He understands.

[Oceanwaves]

Not sure why anyone would put up with that kind of disrespect from someone that is long distance and that you don't even have an in person relationship with. Where is your self respect? Why are you wasting the last of your youth on some jerk you met online instead of going out and meeting real men that will actually love you and offer you a relationship that actually has some potential?

 

True. You're right. Can't deny that .. I think I'm trying to see the things we do have but that last night was just not on.

 

I have the urge to tell him what I dislike but he would.just again tell me I'm being oversensitive.

 

Should I tell him when I walk away or leave it

[BaileyB]

Just walk away...

 

He has called you an annoying *****. That’s your cue to end all communication. It shouldn’t be difficult since you haven’t met him and don’t have an actual relationship.

[Oceanwaves]

The thing that upsets me the most is that

He has the urge to constantly tell me about.other women

In the most elaborated ways!

And he completely ignores the fact I asked him not to and on top

Of that tells me I should get used to it and not be so whiny about it

[The Outlaw]

Drop him. He's controlling and disrespectful.

[BaileyB]

The thing that upsets me the most is that

He has the urge to constantly tell me about.other women

In the most elaborated ways!

And he completely ignores the fact I asked him not to and on top

Of that tells me I should get used to it and not be so whiny about it

 

He is under no obligation to be considerate of your feelings.

 

The only person you control is yourself. If you are unhappy with his behavior, you have the option to end all communication.

 

Sitting around, complaining that a man won’t stop talking explicitly about other women while you continue to communicate with him, thus allowing him to continue is about as foolish as it gets... If you don’t like what he’s doing - leave.

[MetallicHue]

This is definitely not normal. Try to place more value on yourself and have higher standards. You should not stay with people who do not respect you.

[Oceanwaves]

He also told me that my nails are tacky

Because I like Glitter Nail polish.

Oh well.

Yeah , I think it isn't healthy..im

not feeling comfortable.it's hard to find a decent

Man, he's not the first man whos rude. I also

Believe that part of this is because he's

Insecure as hell

[Oceanwaves]

This is definitely not normal. Try to place more value on yourself and have higher standards. You should not stay with people who do not respect you.

 

I should start with this, yes.

[Watercolors]

First, he's 25 therefore he's a child. Second, you two have a long distance phone relationship -- far thing from a real relationship with each other.

 

He doesn't respect you at all but you put up with his childish behavior because you want to. Why?

 

What exactly stops you from hanging up your phone, deleting his number and deleting him and blocking him from your social media.

 

Go offline and seek a face-to-face relationship with a man older than 25. 25 is still a childish age.

[preraph]

Well, he's a dedicated porn addict, so really, if I was you, I'd leave him to it and find someone who likes real life better than fantasy. Seriously. If he had any respect for you, he wouldn't be telling you that stuff in detail. No woman will like that. And since he likes porn and fantasy better than you, move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

I cannot fathom why you're even still talking to this guy, let alone considering him your boyfriend.

 

Do you date in real life, OP? I don't mean to be insensitive, but I am trying to understand why you would attach yourself to someone like this.

[Gretchen12]

How do you even know he's really 25 and not 15?

[S2B]

True. You're right. Can't deny that .. I think I'm trying to see the things we do have but that last night was just not on.

 

I have the urge to tell him what I dislike but he would.just again tell me I'm being oversensitive.

 

Should I tell him when I walk away or leave it

 

Don’t even tell him. You’ve never met him and he sounds like he’s 15 years old.

 

You have NO idea who he is. Did you even bother to do a back ground check on the info he gave you?

 

But from what you typed I’m left wondering why any 33 year old would tolerate his poor behavior for three minutes!

 

Honestly, meet real men in real life.

[serial muse]

it's hard to find a decent

Man, he's not the first man whos rude.

 

I know it can feel hard to find someone but he doesn't even seem to be meeting the bar of basic decency ("don't call me a bxtch" is an extremely low bar).

 

Drop him like a hot potato. You don't really need to explain why, either. Honestly, you already have told him what you don't like and he's ignoring it. He'll know why. Truly, you can do better than this.

[xxcazaxx]

Definitely not something that i would be putting up with.

[stillafool]

If you guys have never met how can you be a couple? He has some type of freakish fetish where he likes to watch porn and tell other women what he's watching while whacking off. What a tool, drop him. How can you be afraid to say anything that might upset him?

[S2B]

You’ve not met! Nothing about it is real!

 

Yet you’re continuing with him when he’s rude and disrespectful! Why?

[Happy3917]

You absolutely do not have to accept this behaviour. I'm with the majority, here. Move on.

[S2B]

There’s never any reason to accept unacceptable behavior!

 

That should be your cue to exit immediately and never look back.

[kendahke]

But when I brought this up last night he

Said "get used to it. That's me. I just say it"

Why can't he share that with his male

Friends?

 

Because he doesn't want to, that's why.

 

It's really that simple.

 

He doesn't respect your esteem enough to not offend you.

 

To be with him is to go walk this off everytime you feel away about it. If he felt you were worthy of him changing, he'd have tightened up his stroke instead of telling you where to go and quick how to get there.

 

Question is: do YOU respect yourself enough to leave him alone since "get used to it" is his relationship policy as far as you're concerned?

 

To answer your questions: no, you don't have to accept anything, but at the same token, he's not obligated to fulfill your relationship fantasies involving him.

and no, you're feeling what you feel--but again, that's not a mandate he must comply with, especially seeing he's a stranger on the other side of the country who has absolutely no investment in you.

Edited August 30, 2019 by kendahke