Interracial Marriage

[major_merrick]

It isn't just skin. There's hair consistency and color, facial structure, and other things involved too. And there's also the fact that while race and culture don't always go together, many times they do. With that goes vocal tone and intensity and often behavioral attributes.

 

For my part, I'm pretty sure my daughters will look like me. While I know that hair color changes as kids age, my older daughter is blonde so far. In my family, I think the issue will be that my kids will look somewhat different from Wife #4's kids. They may ask questions later on about "how come we're sisters when we look different?"

[DKT3]

Behavior? Really?

 

I'm getting some other issues going on here.

 

At any rate I no longer desire to participate in this discussion.

[Springsummer]

it all depends upon what DNA one wants to pass down to their kids

 

There are pros and cons in DNA in every races and people and persons.

 

Asian generally look much younger than their counterparts of the white race. Flipping Tinder really shock me sometimes, because most white men my age look so much older....maybe 1 or 2 decades older.

 

As extraordinarily beautiful as Angelina Jolie, she has the cancer gene, while some ugly people are as healthy as it could be.

 

members of my small team...one white man is very big but kind of obese and clumsy. another white woman is kind of big and have problem walking... rarely seen an Asian has these kinds of issues.

[Double Helix]

I think it very much depends on the person, I see the cultural and religious differences between my husband and I as an enrichment rather than an „issue“.

 

He is Indian and grew up in India and I am European and grew up in Europe (my father is from a Western European country and my mother came to this country from Eastern Europe as a political refugee more than 40 years ago).

 

My husband came to Europe in his late twenties to persue a MSc and PhD here and as I was actually living abroad at that time (we met on the internet but not a dating site), we had a two year long distance relationship before I moved back, we got passed his parents not talking to him for several months after he told them he chose a white, non-religious girl (his family is extremely catholic and I am an agnostic) and that he will not have an arranged marriage.

 

To actually get married was another hurdle, as it is very difficult to marry someone from outside the EU in the country we live in, so we actually had to get married in a different country. Figuring all this out and getting everyone on board was not easy and sometimes we were close to breaking point but we never questioned our love for each other. We made it through, his family accepted me as a daughter when they realized i wasn’t going anywhere, my parents - who are very tolerant - always loved him and here we are 10 years (6 years married) and two kids later and happy. We speak English at home - although he learned to speak my mother tongue fluently over the years, our two daughters don’t really look like him or like me, they still know very much who they belong to and that they are loved. We are for sure not your „normal“ family.

 

Of course we argue, but that is over the usual stuff - Like why the rubbish has not been taken out - not over cultural differences. And of course we had big discussions and decisions to make that were not easy, due to our different backgrounds and pressures from family (mostly his) but we always found a way and always had our backs, it probably brought us closer together as we always acted as a team, trying to explain the other’s viewpoint to family and friends rather than badmouthing the partner.

 

I for sure have become a more open minded, more tolerant person who has realized that there is not one right way to do things. It wasn’t always easy, but I would do it all over again.

[Geraltt]

I live in a University town and, as such, we see inter-racial couples (and same-sex couples) all the time.

 

Nobody even gives it a second thought. And why should we? No reason to.

[alphamale]

I live in a University town and, as such, we see inter-racial couples (and same-sex couples) all the time.

 

unfortunately geraltt as people age they also get more conservative, not always though

[stillafool]

I live in a University town and, as such, we see inter-racial couples (and same-sex couples) all the time.

 

Nobody even gives it a second thought. And why should we? No reason to.

 

I live in a rural area and there is nothing but interracial couples here. No big deal at all. I do seem to be seeing more same-sex couples though.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I've dated many black men over the years (mostly American - I'm Canadian) and am currently in a relationship with one.

 

My family has always been very accepting of all of us regarding who we choose to date and love be it race, religion or gender - I'm very blessed in that department.

 

As for challenges, the only noticeable difference I've come across when dating someone outside my race is whenever we are in the States more than in Canada, especially the further south you go. I think Canadians, at least in Ontario, are much more tolerant and accepting in general. Can't really say the same of States unfortunately.

 

A lot of the racism I've encountered has been from all sides including black women hating on me for "taking a black brother". Had a black woman curse both me and my partner out to the point where she made a HUGE scene in public and tried to intimidate me by getting in my face. Needless to say, my partner wouldn't have any of it.

 

I think there can definitely be challenges when it comes to interracial relationships but I don't think it's anything that can't be overcome between two people who want to be together and who will do whatever it takes to protect and preserve their relationship.

[Gaeta]

Too many variables in a relationship to just put it on race.

 

 

 

I am a white woman (Canadian) and in a relationship of 4 years with a black man born in the French Caribbeans. We do have cultural differences to deal with but we've learn to A)respect our differences and B) laugh at them. My family, my friends, my daughter, all adore him. I am 53 so I picked him wisely and I picked well. I like the fact we're from different background, there is always something new to teach/show each other. It takes an open mind for it to work. If you are the type of person who needs a partner that likes the same food, same music, celebrate same holidays, then date within your culture.

 

 

 

I cannot talk about the stigma on interracial marriage/dating. It practically doesn't exist here. There is the random racist here and there you may come across once a year, not even.

[DKT3]

I said I was done here because of Gaeta last paragraph, in my belief it has happened here.

 

I came back to point out that race and culture are not exclusive to one another. Example In the Latin American culture there are multiple races, there is no cultural difference between the races yet there is still racism. Same really here in the states. When I look out on my backyard and see white kids, black kids, Asian kids all jumping in and out of my swimming pool, all attending the same schools, churches growing up in the same areas what's the cultural difference there, only difference is the skin pigmentation. Luckily for us as a human race this somewhat ignorant ideology is an endangered species.

 

Truth is, I have more in common with the white guy across the street than I do with some guy living on the western coast of Africa.

 

When it comes to my wife, reality is, when we started dating we had nothing in common outside of us both being standout athletes, even in that she played soccer which I didn't understand. We had/have an insane connection, through all the difference we get one another and had the will and desire to overcome those differences.

[Gaeta]

it all depends upon what DNA one wants to pass down to their kids

Actually when you have a child with a partner from another race you re-enforce that child's DNA. He/she will be health-wise stronger, less chances of illnesses, less genetic flaws transmitted down your descendants.

[Gaeta]

It isn't just skin. There's hair consistency and color, facial structure, and other things involved too. And there's also the fact that while race and culture don't always go together, many times they do. With that goes vocal tone and intensity and often behavioral attributes.

 

 

Vocal tone and intensity and behavioral attributes aren't genetic! It's a learn behavior that is found in MANY races.

 

 

 

I don't know where you get that an interracial couple can have children that don't look like them.

[DKT3]

Vocal tone and intensity and behavioral attributes aren't genetic! It's a learn behavior that is found in MANY races.

 

 

 

I don't know where you get that an interracial couple can have children that don't look like them.

 

I'm really confused by her in the sense that she lives such an unusual lifestyle I would think she would be more tolerant and accepting of others choices.

[thefooloftheyear]

Unless you pair up with someone of the same race, same culture/ethnicity, same age, same values, same socio economic background, there will be some people that look sideways about it...Some scenarios more than others, but thats pretty typical of most couples...

 

I know a guy that has a younger Filipino wife(he's white) and has to put up with the constant "mail order bride" stuff..They met quite organically and the stereotype doesnt come close to the reality in his case...But it will follow him probably forever...

 

I think most people, if you asked them and they were truly honest, would like for the people they know or their children/family to pair up with "like or similar" type of people...I don't know if that qualifies them as true racists, as most of the time its not due to any hatred or superiority issue, its just "one of those things", so to speak...of course most wont tell people to their face, but they will always have that feeling...even if they are 100% on board with your decision..

 

The bottom line is that its your life and your choice...If you are happy, then that's all there really is to it...Sure, we all want to know that the people we select are fully welcomed into our circles, and while it often is the case, sometimes it isn't...The important thing is that it shouldn't bother you, nor should you try to force people to accept or approve of it....This is especially true of family or close friends...People on the outside wont matter as much..

 

Most people, even those with preconceived negative opinions, come around once they get to know someone and that person is a "good" person..That's why I suggest just going about it as if its no big deal and not try to bring up the point or get defensive and angry if everyone isn't popping corks over it..

 

Good luck to you,,

 

TFY.

[alphamale]

I've dated many black men over the years (mostly American - I'm Canadian) and am currently in a relationship with one.

 

My family has always been very accepting of all of us regarding who we choose to date and love be it race, religion or gender - I'm very blessed in that department.

 

yes MmB, I remember you posting about this a long time ago

[major_merrick]

unfortunately geraltt as people age they also get more conservative, not always though

I don't consider that "unfortunate" at all. I think the reason, though, is that people become less idealistic as they age and begin to see the world more for what it really is. The whole "love conquers all" idea disappears when you get out of your teens/20's. When you are young you can ignore some of the consequences to family/friends/community. When you are a bit older, you can take more factors into consideration. That often leads people to stick with their own group and reach out less. That's neither good nor bad, just another facet of human nature.

 

 

Actually when you have a child with a partner from another race you re-enforce that child's DNA. He/she will be health-wise stronger, less chances of illnesses, less genetic flaws transmitted down your descendants.

You can get the same benefits without the racial issue. Get beyond a few degrees of kinship and you have enough variation for healthy offspring....so not exactly an argument in favor of interracial marriage. Not an argument against it either.

 

 

Vocal tone and intensity and behavioral attributes aren't genetic! It's a learn behavior that is found in MANY races.

 

I don't know where you get that an interracial couple can have children that don't look like them.

There's lots of things transmitted in the genes that we don't understand or acknowledge. Things like how my husband walks the same way as his father...and apparently that trait goes back at least to his great great grandfather. Voices of some people can sound a lot like their relatives, even relatives they've had little to no contact with.

 

If there's some traits that are passed down in families, there are traits can also be more common in larger groups, even in races. That doesn't guarantee that every person in a racial group will exhibit a certain trait. There's plenty of genetic variation within a race, and there's been quite a bit of mixing throughout history.

 

Science may be unable to prove (yet) the concepts of telegony and genetic memory, but just observe humanity and you get the idea that there's plenty of information contained in one's genes that should make people careful of who they choose for heterosexual partners and who they choose to have kids with. None of these concepts are politically acceptable these days....

Edited August 29, 2019 by major_merrick

[DKT3]

There is a constant stream of misinformation, or in the words of Donald Trump "Fake new"

 

Some genetic variants that contribute to the risk of complex diseases are differently distributed among human populations. It is debated whether self-identified race ought to be used by medical practitioners as a proxy for the probability that an individual possesses risk-related variants. Such practice may result in false attribution of causality, stigmatisation of high-risk populations, or underestimation of risk for other populations.

 

In other words, these so called bad genes are geographically linked but not necessarily based on race.

 

This is however not what this thread is about, a bunch of diatribe to distract from ones personal bias and honestly ignorance being hidden by pseudo intelligence.

[Gaeta]

When you are a bit older, you can take more factors into consideration. That often leads people to stick with their own group and reach out less. That's neither good nor bad, just another facet of human nature.

Funny as I experience it the other way. As I got older I got more open minded, my parents got more open minded with the years, colleagues I've been working with for years got more open minded with the years. I would not have dated outside my race at 20, but at 50 I was dating every culture and race under the sun.

 

You can get the same benefits without the racial issue. Get beyond a few degrees of kinship and you have enough variation for healthy offspring....so not exactly an argument in favor of interracial marriage. Not an argument against it either.

Colonization was my chosen subject in University for my paper. A few degrees of kinship isn't enough. See, up here in Quebec we are 6 millions and we are all descendants of the same 1,000 women sent by the king of France 400 years ago. They have even linked 1 of those woman to be the ancestor of 1 million of us. Fast forward to today we have developed many genetic weaknesses, we have less babyboys, we have our own pancreatic cancer linked to our DNA, etc etc. This phenomenon is present in every country that started as colonies.

 

As DKT said it's territorial, not race related. My boyfriend is black, born in the French Caribbean, he has nothing in common with black people from Africa, or African-Americans or African-Canadians EVEN if they're all of the same race. The same I am white of French descent, and I don't have much in common with a white American woman and we're the same race.

[mark clemson]

Genetics and DNA are VERY complicated. People can make all sorts of claims about this or that, but ARE THEY REALLY TRUE?

 

Here's an example that's probably relevant to some of the claims/counter claims above. Good luck figuring this out and then attempting to generalize accurately to humans as a layman, rather than a specialist willing to spend decades of your life on it.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heterosis

[Logo]

If you're in the states, geographic location is a factor. In some states, John Q Public is going to be more tolerant than in other states. In one state you might get outright nasty comments, in another no one will bat an eyelash. Large metropolitan areas tend to be more tolerant of diversity than rural areas where the population is smaller and everyone knows everyone. But once they get to know you or your family, they might be more welcoming because you would be familiar, known, non-threatening. People fear the unfamiliar.

 

 

 

In some states you'll face overt racism, racist comments, discrimination and prejudice, in others you'll face latent racism or non at all. It all depends on the region.

 

 

 

If the couple is planning on having kids, think of the obstacles or challenges they might face in some parts of the country. A half this and half that might not fit neither here nor there if you know what I mean. But, in this day and age, their friends will probably be more tolerant and accepting than they used to 20 or 30 years ago. So they won't necessarily be ostracized or bullied, but kids tend to pick on whoever is different -- sometimes no matter the race -- much like society does.

 

 

 

Like anything else in life, your millage may vary and you'll stick out wherever you go. So you'll need to have a strong bond with your significant other.

 

 

 

Word to the wise, do not make your decision based on society's whims and what's accepted, popular or tolerated.

 

 

 

Make your decision based on what's good for you. There is no guarantee that if you were to be in a relationship with someone of the same race as you that things will work out well. You could very well end up being in an abusive relationship or a doormat. In fact, the opposite could be true.

 

 

 

Make your decision based on the bond, the connection and the love you have for that person. Make it a mutual decision, share your fears or concerns with her/him. Make it a mutual decision and if you're happy now, then stay happy and stick to it. The worst thing any person can do is give up on something amazing that is part of their lives for fear of what some idiot you don't know may think about you.

[5x5]

Honest thoughts on interracial marriage in general. Do you think that overall they deal with more hardships than same race marriages or the same amount?

 

No, yes, sometimes, maybe, it depends upon where you live, who you are with and the families of origin.

 

As a British Australian dual national, of mostly Northern English, Scottish Highland and German Rhineland descent (my skin is very pale). I haven't found it hard at all.

 

My wife is an Australian national of Sicilian descent who grew up in Sicily and Australia, she is also fluent in Siculo, Italian and English. In her case she is mostly a mix of Italian, Greek and a small amount of Arab and Caucasus ancestry (her skin is of an olive complexion).

 

My ex-wife is a British national of East African and French descent (her skin is brown although not as dark as her sister).

 

I have also been in sexual relationships, with women of other nationalities, racial and ethnic groups.

 

In my experience with those relationships, I haven't had any problems related to race. Aside from some differences in culture, diet and the like which aren't big issues, the only notable thing I can say in the negative is as follows.

 

My wife's father wanted all of his children to only marry Italian people, which didn't come to fruition since all of his children chose otherwise. Aside from me one married a Scot and another married a mostly English and Irish descent partner.

 

Likewise when drunk, some of my wife's parents generation family were sometimes very racist towards British natives.

[chillii]

No, yes, sometimes, maybe, it depends upon where you live, who you are with and the families of origin.

 

 

 

 

Haaaa, that's about what l was just thinkin too.

[BlondeSusane]

Honest thoughts on interracial marriage in general. Do you think that overall they deal with more hardships than same race marriages or the same amount?

 

*All thoughts are welcome as long as they are not racist or harmful in any way

 

Most interracial relationships don't end in marriage even when there are children involved and I should know! My black boyfriend was legally separated when we met and I was on the rebound from my ex-fiancé. Our relationship became sexual shortly after we met and I became pregnant with our first son, after getting back on the pill for week (which was evidently not long enough). I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant with our second son but we have no plans of getting married, both of us are turned off on marriage right now.

[Mysterio]

My wife's father wanted all of his children to only marry Italian people, which didn't come to fruition since all of his children chose otherwise. Aside from me one married a Scot and another married a mostly English and Irish descent partner.

 

Likewise when drunk, some of my wife's parents generation family were sometimes very racist towards British natives.

 

I wonder 5X5. IF your Wife's family is that racist towards British Natives. Do you not just excuse yourselves from family activities and always stay busy. Just maybe only go to one event a year and then say you have an early day the next day and cut out after 3 hours or so.

 

To be Racist these days seems be idiotic. Anyone born 1920 +, being racist is odd. There is no upside to it.

Edited October 18, 2019 by Mysterio

[5x5]

@Mysterio it was a typo.

 

It was my ex-wife's family who were racist towards British natives. It was a long time ago now, the late 1980s and early 1990s. Plus they came from a British territory that was granted independence in the 1960s then for a long time they had lived in London.