FMW Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 Hey, if the sex is worth it to you to be constantly disrespected, then I guess just deal with it. But seriously - dump her. Is it really that hard for men to find good sex? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 (edited) Love makes us stupid. No, it doesn't. Wanting what we want in the face of undeniable evidence that they are wholly unfit to be with us is what makes one stupid. Cognitive dissonance has a way of making one look stupid. 4 years of having this flung in your teeth and you having absolutely no regard for your own boundaries and are ignoring them in order to keep her around (because you want what you want) is the problem here. Why are you so afraid to be out of this relationship? She still wants to have sex. With whom? You or whatever man her eyes land upon? Edited August 28, 2019 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 she ... often goes off the map where i can't find her. You track her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackmastadon Posted August 29, 2019 Author Share Posted August 29, 2019 You track her?no. it's ridiculous. hire a private investigator? no. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackmastadon Posted August 29, 2019 Author Share Posted August 29, 2019 No, it doesn't. Wanting what we want in the face of undeniable evidence that they are wholly unfit to be with us is what makes one stupid. Cognitive dissonance has a way of making one look stupid. 4 years of having this flung in your teeth and you having absolutely no regard for your own boundaries and are ignoring them in order to keep her around (because you want what you want) is the problem here. Why are you so afraid to be out of this relationship? With whom? You or whatever man her eyes land upon? i see your point. i guess the bottom line here is that i love her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackmastadon Posted August 29, 2019 Author Share Posted August 29, 2019 Hey, if the sex is worth it to you to be constantly disrespected, then I guess just deal with it. But seriously - dump her. Is it really that hard for men to find good sex? for me it isn't all about sex. maybe for her it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackmastadon Posted August 29, 2019 Author Share Posted August 29, 2019 also she acted all possesive and stuff at my band's gig. that's what i don't get. Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted August 29, 2019 Share Posted August 29, 2019 i see your point. i guess the bottom line here is that i love her. This is a really great response, and I wish more people would say things like this. Since you are in love and not eager to end things, I think a great next step could be working on improvements in communication. It should be non-confrontational and non-emotional, with an end goal of reducing friction points but without upsetting her. It could start with "I feel uncomfortable when..." Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 also she acted all possesive and stuff at my band's gig. that's what i don't get. I'm guessing it is projection, she is projecting her unfaithful demeanor onto you. It is basically telling you when she does it, it is not harmless. Also she's controlling and trying to "keep you in your place." Her behavior on dates is not just rude, but intended to demean you. Man sounds like you are in a band with a following, she doesn't want you to realize you have a lot of options. You may love her, she doesn't love you...her actions show it. Her jealousy is not love it is control. I can say I have never, ever had a date do what you describe. Sure we have talked together to another couple, but never was my date striking up conversations with other men. If I did that would be the last date. If it started during a relationship I would bring it up, just to be honest, but I'd be hard pressed to think of an answer I would accept to not end it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 (edited) also she acted all possesive and stuff at my band's gig. that's what i don't get. Cheaters are the most possessive ones. They think everyone thinks like they do, that if there's an opportunity, they'll take it ,and they think that because that's what they would do. Also, your girlfriends shouldn't be very visible at gigs. Half your audience is women and women don't like to think you're taken. If you have a girlfriend at a gig, she should be mature enough to understand the situation and lay low, let you talk to fans, not being right there with you while you do that. It's okay for her to be within eyeshot, but she can't be possessive or it alienates fans. She shouldn't be any more degree visible than your assorted female fans who may come up and talk. Then after the gig, you discreetly leave together. Of course, if you have a pushy fan you want to discourage, then it's fine to call on her (or the band manager) to help get you away. Honestly, there's nothing more offputting than a clingy girlfriend or boyfriend to the fans at a gig. If you have a band manager, have him explain it to her or have him keep her distracted or whatever. Edited August 30, 2019 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackmastadon Posted August 31, 2019 Author Share Posted August 31, 2019 I'm guessing it is projection, she is projecting her unfaithful demeanor onto you. It is basically telling you when she does it, it is not harmless. Also she's controlling and trying to "keep you in your place." Her behavior on dates is not just rude, but intended to demean you. Man sounds like you are in a band with a following, she doesn't want you to realize you have a lot of options. You may love her, she doesn't love you...her actions show it. Her jealousy is not love it is control. I can say I have never, ever had a date do what you describe. Sure we have talked together to another couple, but never was my date striking up conversations with other men. If I did that would be the last date. If it started during a relationship I would bring it up, just to be honest, but I'd be hard pressed to think of an answer I would accept to not end it. Why then does she continually bug me to come visit sleep over etc etc? She SAYS she loves me, but hey it damn sure doesn't feel like it. That's whi I feel like I'm about to lose my mind, and I'm all torn up inside. Why doesn't she really love me? What's up with this woman? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackmastadon Posted August 31, 2019 Author Share Posted August 31, 2019 My shirink once said before he retired, "does danger have to have a name to move out of its way?" Maybe he was saying trust my intuition. But, I think I could make a better decision if I knew what was wrong with this person. Because I wouldn't asking mself all the time what did I do wrong. And if it is a serious disorder with a name, the name wouldn't help. It would be knowing what comes along with it and why it is there, so I could identify it and not get involved with anyone like that again. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 The name is attention whore. It is gender neutral. Both guys and gals can have this affliction. Best advice when you meet someone with this affliction, steer clear. Link to post Share on other sites
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