What consider cheating??

[PandaPanda]

Hi, I just want a better understanding on what consider cheating.

 

About two years ago, i had an argument with my ex over him cheating on me. What happened was, one day i saw a msg on his phone from a girl I didn't know. As a scrolled back on the msgs, I discovered that he was flirting with her. Saying stuff like you're really pretty and cute, please don't give me the cold shoulder again, I miss talking to you, I'm here if you ever need me, I'm single at the moment but seeing my ex, probably will be over soon (we were still together at that time, I was over his place so we can spend time together like we normally do).

 

When i confronted him, he said that is not cheating it was only a bit more than a nice msg, there was no intention behind it since she live in a different state. Then he said he only said I was an ex because he believe that we would break up soon cause i don't love him for him but only the idea of him.

 

I asked a few people I know and most said that it is emotional cheating, but there was also 1 or 2 guys who said that it doesn't consider as cheating. I believe that it is cheating. Can I get your opinions on this matter.

[Beachead]

@Pandapanda

 

Sounds to me, conditions between you two were dwindling for some time and he saw the potential breakup on the horizon, so he started seeking a rebound, to emotionally prepare for the loss.

 

Forget the word "Cheating" for a moment. Instead, consider how his actions made you feel. Chatting with another girl behind your back in the manner he was doing and saying he was single while you two were still together, is pretty disrespectful. It made you feel like crap..correct? He did something that jeopardized your trust and loyalty and hurt the relationship. That's what matters here.

 

If it wasn't anything bad, why keep it from you? The answer is he felt guilty. He felt guilty because he knew he was doing something wrong. Something that would hurt you. When you called him out on him, he justified his position. But, I'd like to see how him and those other guy friends telling you it isn't a cheat, would feel if their partners did something similar to them.

 

Simple as that.

 

- Beach

Edited August 26, 2019 by Beachead

[assertives]

It is cheating. If it's "just a nice message", then there's no need for him to lie that he is single. He lied because he knows what he's doing is wrong or at the very least not acceptable. That said, any time a guy or someone makes you wonder/redefine the definition of cheating, please ditch that person. An honourable person would not play mind games like these and would respect the person they are in a relationship with.

[Blind-Sided]

It's a fine line. Assuming there was nothing physical... then to me it's the intent. When I was working in a Lab... I would flirt with a couple of the girls... but I had no intention of cheating on my wife. On top of that, I never called or messaged these girls... and I would only occasionally even get lunch with them. On top of that... I would sometimes tell the wife what was said, because it was funny.

 

 

But... since it was txt's, and he was hiding it... then I would say the potential for the "Intention" to be there. And that starts to blur the line.

 

 

So flirting... no... intention to get more... yes.

[balletomane]

I think that when our self-confidence isn't great, we tend to look for outside confirmation that our feelings are understandable and natural. We need to be told that the things that hurt us really are bad, and that we're not overreacting. I've struggled with this in the past. Now I am confident enough to know what my red lines are without consulting other people, and I'm very clear about them. You need to work out where yours lie. One way to do this to ask yourself what you would say to a good friend who was in that situation and asking you the same questions.

[SumGuy]

...

 

I asked a few people I know and most said that it is emotional cheating, but there was also 1 or 2 guys who said that it doesn't consider as cheating. I believe that it is cheating. Can I get your opinions on this matter.

 

 

I'm a guy. Based on the content of the messages it's clearly emotional cheating. The flirty, innuendo and characterization of your relationship all say that. Who knows if she was really in a different state or wouldn't at some point be around.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I suppose it would depend on your definition of cheating.

 

Everyone has different definitions, particularly between men and women.

 

A lot of men think that as long as he's not sticking his penis inside another vagina, he's not "technically" cheating.

 

Most women don't see it the same way.

 

Personally, regardless of where you're at in your relationship, you were still together when this was going on and he was clearly laying the foundation for something with this other woman, so much so that he even lied about you already being his ex.

 

Super shady.