It's all getting too much and too hard for me

[DK092]

Hey guys

 

 

recently I'm struggling with keeping up positive self-talk, going after my goals and with enjoying my life.

 

Usually I never play the victim like I'm doing right now and so far I always took ownership and responsibility for my own actions.

 

However, I have reached a point where I just can't take it anymore.

My self-esteem is at rock bottom and the quality of my love life is miserable. I feel completely worthless and undesirable and my needs for sex, love and connection, are not being met, despite doing the best I can to ensure they are being met.

 

Some years ago when I got into self-improvement and meditation, I was able to rapidly and greatly increase the quality of my life by setting goals (most of which I have reached so far), learned a ton about interpersonal relationships and managed to become a much better and more attractive person. I felt happy and fulfilled for a long time but it seems I have drifted off this path due to the dark side of online dating.

 

I'm doing it for a little over 3 years and this constant cycle of getting ghosted after a promising first or second date, getting rejected, getting flaked on and overall extremely slow pace is destroying me.

 

Ghosting has always been a thing that simply happens and there are just as much men who do that as there are women but it hurts nonetheless and it's not good that people do that.

 

I will take a break from OLD or might even quit it for good because it clearly harms me more than it does me good.

 

The thing is that I no longer have a social circle where I can get to know new people easier. I'm basically ****ed and have no connections aside from family, which makes OLD seem to be the only way for me to get dates.

 

I could of course join a club or go somewhere else where I am likely to meet women with similar interests and values but to be honest, I don't think that's how dates are made nowadays.

 

This might have worked 15 years ago when OLD wasn't as big as it is today and besides, I cannot imagine any woman in the 21st century wanting to be approached by some random attractive man in public when she has all the men already available in her smartphone.

[Foxhall]

Hey guys

 

I could of course join a club or go somewhere else where I am likely to meet women with similar interests and values but to be honest, I don't think that's how dates are made nowadays.

 

This might have worked 15 years ago when OLD wasn't as big as it is today and besides, I cannot imagine any woman in the 21st century wanting to be approached by some random attractive man in public when she has all the men already available in her smartphone.

 

 

This is a defeatist mindset and is best avoided. Its really the fear of approaching women in public and you are writing it off before you even try,

 

I think online dating is fine, but the real life connection is still better,

 

never give up on this, any random event you attend make an effort to chat to women, it will boost your self esteem simply been able to hold a conversation in person with a woman,

 

never hide away, keep putting yourself in the mix,

 

you will get lucky at some point!

[PRW]

OLD is a cancer in dating. Stay away from it. The companies behind them are just capitalizing off of people's loneliness and some are borderline scams.

 

 

Build a social life. Meet people though that. Meetup.com is one way to do that.

[Mr. Lucky]

I could of course join a club or go somewhere else where I am likely to meet women with similar interests and values but to be honest, I don't think that's how dates are made nowadays.

 

You're confusing dates with relationships.

 

If you want to keep having coffee, drinks and dinner with people you probably have little in common with, stick with OLD.

 

If you're indeed looking for a more significant connection, at the very least supplement that with a life in the real world. Sign up for a team, join a club, support a cause, get with a running or biking group. You'll greatly improve your chances...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Melrose78]

OLD has its good points. But has wayyyy too many bad points. Please don't think women prefer OLD. Most who try actually find it very disheartening. Especially with some of the messages guy send on there. There's no such thing as respecting others. It can be quite disturbing.

 

Seriously, join groups. Get yourself out there. Randomly chat to women you meet at a care etc. Get away from OLD. It's lost its appeal to you and when it starts causing self-esteem issues, it's time to delete!

[preraph]

Volunteer doing something you're passionate about. Just a couple hours a week. Shovel rhino poo at the zoo. While there, go around to all the vendors and start being a familiar face. Here, I was a zoo volunteer long time ago. Our city owns the zoo but socialites run it and fund a lot of it. They weren't my crowd, but the animals definitely are and the other people working there are down to earth.

 

Google the name of your town and "volunteer," like "Boston volunteer." There may also be a listing in a local alternative newspaper.

 

You can volunteer for political campaigns if it interests you, anything from sign making to going on the road. I recommend sticking with a local politician. Then they'll invite you to their watch parties and stuff. Political people are talkative.

 

There's police Crime Watch type volunteering. There's volunteering for any number of children's charities or voluteering to be a foster for pets or helping the rescue operations transport or any number of things. There's volunteer opportunities to teach people to read or speak a language, there's youth mentoring, teaching elderly how to use technical devices. (You may start with me on that one. Just don't bring Alexa. I don't like her. She's a busybody.)

[DK092]

Volunteer doing something you're passionate about. Just a couple hours a week. Shovel rhino poo at the zoo. While there, go around to all the vendors and start being a familiar face. Here, I was a zoo volunteer long time ago. Our city owns the zoo but socialites run it and fund a lot of it. They weren't my crowd, but the animals definitely are and the other people working there are down to earth.

 

Google the name of your town and "volunteer," like "Boston volunteer." There may also be a listing in a local alternative newspaper.

 

You can volunteer for political campaigns if it interests you, anything from sign making to going on the road. I recommend sticking with a local politician. Then they'll invite you to their watch parties and stuff. Political people are talkative.

 

There's police Crime Watch type volunteering. There's volunteering for any number of children's charities or voluteering to be a foster for pets or helping the rescue operations transport or any number of things. There's volunteer opportunities to teach people to read or speak a language, there's youth mentoring, teaching elderly how to use technical devices. (You may start with me on that one. Just don't bring Alexa. I don't like her. She's a busybody.)

 

 

I thought of volunteering in a place which hands out food to poor people living on the streets near my place before but due to other goals I didn't started it yet. I will give it a try tho!

 

 

Want to say that I'm feeling a lot better now. Sometimes life simply gets a little harsh.

 

 

And by the time I'm done teaching you how to use the newest technical devices you will be settled for the next decades!

[preraph]

Sure or work for a food bank. I bet you'd meet lots of nice people there. A lot of people don't do it because they think it's a big commitment, like a job. It isn't. They take what they can get. I imagine a couple hours a week would be enough for most places.

[Rayce]

Food banks and soup kitchens are good because you don't need a bunch of training. In one of the places I lived a few years ago the local Rescue Mission had a sign-up sheet online. I use to be able to get up in the morning log on and see if a shift was open. It was great. I like being able to just get up and go do something.

 

Remember... Food banks will also take any veggies or fruit you might be growing in your yard that you don't use.

[chillii]

As seems so typical of so many guys round here, you over estimate this woman thing first of all.

Do you not read , think this is the second time today alone l'm pointing this out, - all the single women around here struggling and copping all the same crap too ?

How could you miss it in your position you'd surely be reading around.?

Saw one a few days ago sneaking a little brag out there of something like she had 8k of likes , or something like that, buttttt, guess what, she's been single for years. l dunno how you guys get fooled so much by the allusion.

 

As far as you feeling atm. of course , a lot of this stuff is so forced , and that takes a lot of will power, and a lot of emotional energy, and a lot of discipline , and a lot of self brainwashing, so it's a catch 22. Because forcing this onto yourself , also takes a helluva lot out of your reserves , until you run out of it and burn, more down hearted than ever and nothing left to fight it. the way your feeling now.

But eh , so what, lifes pretty crap right now, so what, your missing out a bit. We all go through a few years of that , a lot more truth be told.

IMO the best thing you could do right now is just chill, be how you feel , allow yourself to just kick back and feel shytty for awhile, why not , it's a perfectly natural human emotion at a time like this.

Like they say , nothin better than a good cry.

Edited August 30, 2019 by chillii

[purplesoccer34]

Hey guys

 

 

recently I'm struggling with keeping up positive self-talk, going after my goals and with enjoying my life.

 

Usually I never play the victim like I'm doing right now and so far I always took ownership and responsibility for my own actions.

 

However, I have reached a point where I just can't take it anymore.

My self-esteem is at rock bottom and the quality of my love life is miserable. I feel completely worthless and undesirable and my needs for sex, love and connection, are not being met, despite doing the best I can to ensure they are being met.

 

Some years ago when I got into self-improvement and meditation, I was able to rapidly and greatly increase the quality of my life by setting goals (most of which I have reached so far), learned a ton about interpersonal relationships and managed to become a much better and more attractive person. I felt happy and fulfilled for a long time but it seems I have drifted off this path due to the dark side of online dating.

 

I'm doing it for a little over 3 years and this constant cycle of getting ghosted after a promising first or second date, getting rejected, getting flaked on and overall extremely slow pace is destroying me.

 

Ghosting has always been a thing that simply happens and there are just as much men who do that as there are women but it hurts nonetheless and it's not good that people do that.

 

I will take a break from OLD or might even quit it for good because it clearly harms me more than it does me good.

 

The thing is that I no longer have a social circle where I can get to know new people easier. I'm basically ****ed and have no connections aside from family, which makes OLD seem to be the only way for me to get dates.

 

I could of course join a club or go somewhere else where I am likely to meet women with similar interests and values but to be honest, I don't think that's how dates are made nowadays.

 

This might have worked 15 years ago when OLD wasn't as big as it is today and besides, I cannot imagine any woman in the 21st century wanting to be approached by some random attractive man in public when she has all the men already available in her smartphone.

 

As a woman, I'll offer a different perspective. I've done the OLD thing, but my most serious relationships developed in real life. One day, I met a guy at a coffee shop, and things went from there. Another time, I met a guy at a random networking event, and things went from there. A friend of mine is now in a serious relationship with a guy that she met on a train! I know these are just a few examples, but I think a lot of people underestimate the whole real-life connection thing. I feel I personally can only develop a serious connection with someone I meet in real life--I don't know, maybe I'm just too distrusting of people I meet online. With that said, OLD does work too--I know plenty of people for whom it's worked perfectly.

 

Next time you're out in public and you find someone attractive, find a way to strike up a conversation! I'm always flattered whenever this happens to me. Can you also join meetup groups in your area? This might also work out pretty well for you - you never know until you try.

 

Also keep in mind that you're not alone. A lot of people struggle with dating, so don't lose hope.

[alphamale]

this is exactly why I am on a self-imposed dating hiatus