Jump to content

What's wrong w/me? Moving in with man and kids.

RainyDaze

By RainyDaze,
in General Relationship Discussion

 Share Followers 1

Recommended Posts

RainyDaze

RainyDaze

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi, all.

 

I have been dating a divorced father for two years. He's a wonderful man. I've spent time with his children and we've done outings, I've taken the girls on girls' days out, I've spent time watching them when their dad has a work event. We all get along great. He's had partial custody, but now he has full custody. We knew (and hoped) he would eventually get custody because the children's mother is very unwell.

 

My partner wants me to marry and move in with him. This is where I get stuck. I don't want to live with kids. I love my home and I've never been a fan of crowds. I would live with him when they are older (or out of the house) but just not now. Right now, it is difficult to spend alone time together, but we do the best we can. He's looking to buy a bigger home, and he wants me to be involved. I feel frozen in my tracks when I think of doing that. I just found a place that I love, and I don't want to leave it permanently yet. He said he would create a space for me in his home until i am ready to move in . I feel like there's something wrong with me. Why I don't I want to live with this wonderful man?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic

CautiouslyOptimistic

Posted
Posted

It would take a particularly extraordinary person to be willing to take on another woman's five children. That's what's "wrong" with you. (Meaning - nothing is wrong with you....few would be cut out for this, including yours truly).

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
RainyDaze

RainyDaze

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It would take a particularly extraordinary person to be willing to take on another woman's five children. That's what's "wrong" with you. (Meaning - nothing is wrong with you....few would be cut out for this, including yours truly).

 

Thanks for your reply! I appreciate how direct it is.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Blind-Sided

Blind-Sided

Posted
Posted

This is a tough one. You like him... you like the kids, and it's been long enough for him to want to marry. But something is stopping you. I'm thinking it's more than you just like your space... or you don't want to take on 5 kids.

 

 

If you don't want to end it... just simply say you aren't ready to get married. But then again... that may cause the ending to him.

 

 

Like I said... not an easy place to be.

Link to post
Share on other sites
FMW

FMW

Posted
Posted

Nothing is wrong with you. It's good that you are listening to your instincts. Hopefully he will understand and be ok continuing things as they are with you maintaining your own home. No need to fix what isn't broken :)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
chillii

chillii

Posted
Posted (edited)

Nope , l think it's pretty simple just as you've explained it yourself right there.

And l couldn't blame ya , when l divorced first thing l discovered was most of the women had kids , some had lots of them.

l knew there was no way l was taking on someone else's kids , one at most and hopefully a grown one. l have one daughter so it's a fair trade in my book.

And you've got your place and all the other stuff you talked about.

Would he be open to just keeping things as is for a few more years, you guys would probably get more privacy and togetherness having your place too than living together anyway. And he's got somewhere to bail off too , l'd love that idea if l was him.

Just going over to !!! kids, back in 3wks haha, spins the wheels.

Edited by chillii
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

I would rather jump of the bridge than live with 5 kids. Even with the most wonderful man in the world :sick:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
alphamale

alphamale

Posted
Posted
Why I don't I want to live with this wonderful man?

 

because you know that you would be taking care of his kids and cleaning the new larger house and cooking all meals.

 

this chump you are dating is looking for a housemaid, nurse, cook and nanny all rolled up in one (you)

 

end this relationship now unless you get more emotionally intwined with him and his family.

 

BTW, what's wrong with his ex wife? mental illness? alcoholic? that will most likely be you if you move in/marry him.

 

you've been warned :laugh:

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Els

Els

Posted
Posted

I take my hat off to you for even dating a man with 5 kids, let alone thinking about moving in with him.

 

 

There's nothing wrong with you, IMO the vast majority of us would balk at the thought. If I had to choose between moving in with a man with 5 kids and being single for the rest of my LIFE, I know which I would choose.... and it wouldn't be the kids.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease

LivingWaterPlease

Posted
Posted

You're totally normal! Keep your own place until the kids get older and share your post with your bf. It explains things perfectly!

 

That said, I would LOVE to live with a wonderful man and his five children if the house was large enough (five or more bedrooms, living, dining, large den, etc. needs lots of space for seven people to move around in).

 

I really miss my grown children and have a bunch of grandchildren I love having stay over. Have thought of taking in foster kids just because it's so much fun to have children around.

 

On another note, how about getting married, keeping your place and staying there when you need a break?

 

Would that combined with asking for a housekeeper once a week and any other help you feel you'd need (if he could afford it) paint the picture differently for you?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
preraph

preraph

Posted
Posted

I'm sure he does want you involved, to help take care of the kids. But you should not do that. These aren't your kids and there's too many of them and you need your space. Just tell him you love him and the kids but have no plans to move in with him. Even if they go to college, these days, they do it at home a lot or move back home and just never do go out on their own. So don't assume things will be better in a few years and make any promises. Just tell him, No, I really like having my space and having an instant family would be too much for me to take on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
The Outlaw

The Outlaw

Posted
Posted

There isn't anything wrong with you, but asking someone to move in with them is a BIG step in any relationship, particularly when there are children involved and you just don't feel you're entirely ready yet. Speak to him about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
preraph

preraph

Posted
Posted

I also agree with the couple of posters who think he's just looking for a babysitter and cook and housekeeper. I've seen a lot of cases where when a man gets custody or even partial custody, they don't want to disrupt their own life and go right out and get a new woman to do it for them.

 

I know you like him, but let's just see how nice he really is once he finds out you are not going to assume that role at all.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
I have been dating a divorced father of five for two years. He's a wonderful man.

 

I'm just going to point out, having dated for two years, it seems unfair of you to have waited so long to bring up this major concern.

 

This can't be the first time you've discussed marriage and cohabitation. Why the silence until now?

 

Mr. Lucky

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
RainyDaze

RainyDaze

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I'm trying to edit a message but it's not letting me do this on my phone. I'm going to reply to you all soon as I get back to my computer.

Edited by RainyDaze
Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 1
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...