pepperbird Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 My spouse had a very short affair about ten years ago. I had heard through the grapevine a few years ago that his ex-ow had gotten married, and this morning, I got a message from a friend of mine who knows her as well that her husband had cheated on her and she was really taking it hard. My friend saw it as just desserts. At first I was "meh...who cares", then I stated to feel bad for her. From what I understand, she has two small kids now, and having been in her shoes before, I know how tough it can be. I don't like knowing another human being is going through that. I used to think it would be poetic justice for her to be the one wearing the BS hat. I hate to admit it, but in my darker moments, I even hoped it would happen to her someday so she would know how it feels. I'm taking it as a positive sign that I felt pity for her, especially as her kids are small. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 I'm taking it as a positive sign that I felt pity for her, especially as her kids are small. Going to guess, having walked the proverbial mile in her shoes, what you felt for her was more empathy than pity. It's a positive sign you're a good person. Hope that's enough ... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 what goes around comes around pepperbird Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 I think it is a good thing that she has experienced the pain she has caused others. Who knows if your husband was the only one she dated. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 Sorry but no she doesn't deserve the pity, she deserves the pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 Why is everyone blaming the woman and wishing her to suffer? She's not the problem here. She didn't break the marital vows and betray the trust of a spouse and lie and expose the Op to a potentially fatal STD. The cheating husband did! He probably told his affair partner that the marriage was as good as over and his wife was doing the same thing. If anyone should reap what they sow it's him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepperbird Posted August 28, 2019 Author Share Posted August 28, 2019 (edited) Who knows if your husband was the only one she dated. She had a thing for married guys. She also hit on the husband of a friend of mine and several other married guys. It was her preference. Looking back, it makes me wonder if it was her way of coping with some sort of issue she was going through. Why is everyone blaming the woman and wishing her to suffer? She's not the problem here. . Sorry but this thread isn't about him. You may feel that this way of looking at the situation is correct, and that's fine for you. I'm not trying to say you are wrong. I just don't happen to agree with you. what goes around comes around pepperbird I know. I never thought I would ever say I feel bad that she's being cheated on, but i know how it feels. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Edited August 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 As alpha said, what goes around comes around, but you're a better person than most. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 (edited) Why is everyone blaming the woman and wishing her to suffer? She's not the problem here. She didn't break the marital vows and betray the trust of a spouse and lie and expose the Op to a potentially fatal STD..... Erm because she is a problem as much as the husband. She still got with him knowing he is married, that's as bad as what the husband did to be honest. Edited August 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 She had a thing for married guys. She also hit on the husband of a friend of mine and several other married guys. It was her preference. Looking back, it makes me wonder if it was her way of coping with some sort of issue she was going through. It could have been her preference, some woman do want to be in relationships that are going nowhere to protect themselves from hurt, or just because they like it that way. They may be at a point in their life where they do not want to be tied down and a MM is "safe" and fun. Some women do indeed want what other women have and will do their damnedest to get it. Or it may be that MMen were the only guys hitting on her and she couldn't say no. Better a MM than no man. She was perhaps at a vulnerable/weak spot in her life, so may have been a magnet for MM looking for an affair. Just because the wives thought she was hitting on their husbands doesn't mean the husbands were not hitting on her first... It takes two to tango. I also think that for some single women a MM is often a refined version of the man she is used to. He has had the rough edges knocked off, he is often more charming and tries harder to please. He is no commitmentphobe, no player, no bad boy - this guy she sees as "quality", he has a wife so he knows how to settle down with a woman. He often has a very nice lifestyle and the OW wants to be a part of that. A ready made husband. Definite husband/father material. It is all a very appealing package. She knows she is the real deal, THEY will thus make a dream team. Yes, he is someone else's husband, but his wife doesn't really deserve him... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 Yep , the tables very often turn in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 PB, I think it's positive in the sense that it shows you are "past" or have processed the affair enough to view her closer to neutrally. Thus you are able to feel sympathy for her. Not sure if you have already felt (or even are seeking) a sense of "closure" on the affair but I think that indicates you are as there as perhaps you are likely to be. (And I say that with the understanding that "closure" if a very tricky term as far as affairs go.) So, if that's positive in your view, then yes, it's positive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepperbird Posted August 28, 2019 Author Share Posted August 28, 2019 PB, I think it's positive in the sense that it shows you are "past" or have processed the affair enough to view her closer to neutrally. Thus you are able to feel sympathy for her. I don't know how old her kids are exactly, but I do know they are young. This can't be an easy time for her. I sure remember the sadness, fear, sense of helplessness and sense that everything was spinning out of control. I can't feel good about someone else going through that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 I don't know how old her kids are exactly, but I do know they are young. This can't be an easy time for her. I sure remember the sadness, fear, sense of helplessness and sense that everything was spinning out of control. I can't feel good about someone else going through that. maybe she doesn't have a conscience and doesn't care? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 I don't think it's healthy for anyone to ever take pleasure in someone else's misfortune, so I think it's good - for your own wellbeing - that you aren't enjoying her experiencing the other side of the situation. I'm fortunate that no one has ever done anything to me so egregious that I would be happy for something bad happening to them. I certainly didn't have any warm feelings for my xH's other women (yes multiple), but I also never wanted revenge. They weren't the problem - my xH and my marriage were. So I think you having empathy for this woman means that you are well-balanced and haven't allowed what happened to make you hard. Hopefully you don't have to hear any more updates about her, she doesn't need to exist in your world anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 I don't think it's healthy for anyone to ever take pleasure in someone else's misfortune, Schadenfreude is better than no freude at all. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 Most people seem to agree with you Gorilla, but no fruede of any kind for me We only darken our own minds and souls when we do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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