Ex Gf unintentionally allowing me to do NC.

[Aedae]

Okay so, my girlfriend broke up with me about 3 or so weeks ago. After she broke up with me she said still wanted to be friends and I knew she meant it. She said she didn't want to throw away our history in the trash over the break up. I went NC at first but broke it after 4-5 days because she kept sending me breadcrumbs. I eventually told her I wanted space and she respected it and said she would give me space and would wait weeks to months for me to want to talk to her again if that's what it took. It's been over a week since I contacted her and I heard from a friend that she told him that she was giving me space and waiting for me to be ready to talk again. I want to get her back but the problem is that I am doing NC but she's waiting for ME to come to her first. What do I do in this situation?

[schlumpy]

You don't indicate that you feel same way - friends that is.

 

If you have feelings for her you will not be able to move on being friends with her. It just doesn't work for most people.

 

It's your time to waste.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why did you break up, and how long were you together?

 

She is respecting your request for space, which is good. Understand that No Contact is not a tool to get someone back, but rather a means to help you detach and - eventually - move on.

[Marc878]

NC is up to you. No one else. You've just been dumped and given the friend zone invitation.

 

Sounds like you just don't get it which means you're going to wallow awhile until you do.

[balletomane]

Do you want to return to being friends, or are you hoping to get back together? I think it all depends on your answer to that question. My ex broke up with me recently. He and I were friends before we became a couple, and he'd like to return to that, but he did acknowledge that it might be difficult. I'd also like to restore the friendship, so everything I'm doing is geared towards that shared aim. I had a short period of total no contact (three weeks) to clear my head and give myself some grieving space. I also deactivated my social media during that time so I wouldn't get sucked into a black hole of looking mournfully at his photos. He shares a house with some of my other friends and our social circle overlaps, so it wouldn't have been possible to maintain total NC for much longer, but I think it accomplished what was necessary. I'm much less sore than I was. Now I will speak to him if I run into him, and we're polite and friendly when we talk, but I'm not going out of my way to seek him out. I've been keeping myself busy with work, trying a new hobby, and visiting friends who aren't connected with him. As my feelings for him dissipate, hopefully we'll gradually pick up the threads of our friendship.

 

I think we understand where each other is coming from, and it helps that neither of us is cherishing hopes to get back with the other. I do sometimes experience stabs of pain where I really miss him and want him back, but in my heart of hearts I know that this would just be storing up trouble for later. Much as I love him, he's not the right person for me, and as wonderful as I obviously am I can see that I'm not right for him either. This is the only thing that's making any kind of contact with him possible. If I wanted to get back with him this situation would be unbearable and I'd have to find some way to maintain total NC even with the houseshare situation.

 

Be honest with yourself about what you actually want. Then you'll know what to do.

Edited August 28, 2019 by balletomane

[Aedae]

Why did you break up, and how long were you together?

 

She is respecting your request for space, which is good. Understand that No Contact is not a tool to get someone back, but rather a means to help you detach and - eventually - move on.

 

 

She broke up with me because she said she wanted to focus on herself and her career goals.

[Aedae]

Be honest with yourself about what you actually want. Then you'll know what to do.

 

I want to get back together. We had a lot in common and grew up with similar specific experiences that allow us to relate to each other well.

Edited August 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote edited

[preraph]

She broke up with me because she said she wanted to focus on herself and her career goals.

 

That was an easy let down. Takes just as much time to be friends as lovers.

 

She came right out and broke up with you and told you she wanted to be "just friends." That doesn't mean anything like she wants to get back together. You can't be just friends with her, so best just get on with your life. Otherwise, you'll keep hoping every little, as you say, breadcrumb means more than it does. She's broken up with you.

Edited August 28, 2019 by preraph

[Normm]

You're not going to get her back, she's made it clear that she is only interested in being your friend. There's nothing in it for you. Maintain no contact until such time as you don't even need to think about maintaining no contact because she'll be nothing more than a distant memory.

 

 

Work on trying to figure out why, when a girl breaks up with you, you are unable to respect her decision and accept that it's final and move on with your life.

[preraph]

I know it can be confusing because men and women alike sometimes give "rational sounding" reasons for the breakup to let you down easy. You have to learn that it would have to be a real extreme circumstance for that to cause someone to break up with someone they loved instead of keeping them around to enrich their life. So 99 percent of the time it's just a gentle way to break up and say it's not you, it's me.

[Marc878]

She broke up with me because she said she wanted to focus on herself and her career goals.

 

She's just letting you down easy. Typical.

 

You're gonna live in a hopium addiction for awhile.

 

Live and learn

[ExpatInItaly]

She broke up with me because she said she wanted to focus on herself and her career goals.

 

Then No Contact isn't going to make a lick of difference.

 

If you two had had some specific problems that drove you apart, then you might have something to work with here. You would at least have had something to try to resolve, some change-worthy behaviour that perhaps could be modified enough to facilitate a reconciliation. No Contact could have provided a cooling off period while you both considered what would need to happen to meet in the middle and work on the relationship.

 

But when you get the old "I need to focus on myself", the interest level from that person simply isn't high enough.

[Flame Aura]

She would have not broken up with you if she wanted to be with you.

 

She does not want to get back with you.

 

She is being selfish by wanting to stay 'friends' because she feels guilty.

 

You don't want to be friends with exes, it will only end up badly for you.

 

Stay no contact for good and drop her from your life for good, just like she dropped you.

 

Find someone who appreciates you for you because it is not her, you are wasting your time if you think a period of NC will get you two back, it won't.

[Normm]

She is being selfish by wanting to stay 'friends' because she feels guilty.

 

 

He's being selfish too, for wanting to stay friends in the hopes of getting her back. The fact that his goals are the opposite of hers doesn't seem to matter.

[smackie9]

Dude she has to want you back, and you can't make her do it. I say stay away from her. If she wants you, she will find you and tell you. DO NOT accept the friendship card...take that away from her. That will let her know that it's a relationship or nothing. If you accept friendship, she gets to have her cake and eat it too. Tell her no.