Dumped for second time

[Kylegsweqr]

Mid 40's...she is late 30s. 8 month FWB arrangement that crossed way over into relationship territory ended last month by her....further complicated by the fact we are 2 hrs away.

 

Last time we did an overnight it was great for both of us...she said so herself.....then silence for 2 weeks, comes into town, we have lunch and she ends it?! I kept my composure (she had a few tears), said ok (although I was hurt), we change the subject and spent 5 hrs talking about everything else like nothing happened. Her reasoning was that it was a mindf*** for her. Maybe she was lying.

 

BTW, she ended it one other time. I went NC and she wanted to start things again within short time. I've been NC for the last 3 wks, have no plans to contact her but will see her from time to time at industry related events.

 

It was almost too good to be true.....great communication, no disagreements EVER, great sex, mutual attraction (she initiated the FWB), same interests/hobbies, etc. I'm definitely confused on this one....no idea....but staying the course on NC. I've been dating since but just can't get her out of my head. If she comes back again, I can't give her another chance, but it will be so hard based on how compatible we were.

 

Interested to hear other viewpoints/suggestions. I don't think anyone can just walk away from something like this unless there was someone else in the picture.

[Highndry]

You'll never really know. You are doing the right thing. The only thing I would have avoided was the 5 hour talk after breaking up. I would have wished her well and left right after I heard that.

[FMW]

I have a good friend of about 4 years with whom I started FWB with about 9 months ago. It really can be challenging for a lot of women, and sometimes men too I'm sure, to be that intimate with someone on an ongoing basis without having a "relationship" framework.

 

Insecurity and jealousy can creep in, even when rationally you want to be all "cool" about it. And I've realized for me that it keeps me from being completely open and receptive to starting a new relationship (which is fine for now, but at some point I want to get back out there). So I understand the mindf*** explanation.

 

If you're interested in trying more than FWB you might give her another chance if she expresses the same interest. Otherwise, you're wise to just let it go.

[preraph]

Well, in FWB situations, there is no reason to dump someone because it's supposed to be just sex without going to any trouble. If you wanted to date her, then you should have stopped calling it FWB and asked her if she wanted to actually date and see where it went. A woman would have to be either naive or senile to think of a FWB arrangement as anything to take seriously or to pretend it had substance.

[FMW]

It's not about taking it seriously or pretending it has substance. It's about normal human emotion and chemical responses when you have sex with someone over a longer period of time.

 

I have no desire to have a traditional romantic relationship with my FWB, I dont pretend it's more than it is because I don't want it to be more. But the inconvenient feelings pop up and disrupt my serenity with the situation at times.

 

But OP maybe your xFWB will want more if you put it on the table. But if you don't want more, leave it alone is my advice. She's clearly decided she can't continue as things were.

[smackie9]

Great communication? where? Give her a chance??? What do you want for her? It's pretty obvious she wants more....did you even talk about it?

[Kylegsweqr]

Actually she decided it was going to be a FWB arrangement and I agreed. Due to business reasons, she had decided it would be a conflict of interest if we went public. I'm guessing once it progressed past FWB (multiple dates, dinner, trips, etc) she must have caught feelings and got scared.....maybe, who knows.....I'll never know.

 

In any event, it looks like a dead end.