Is my relationship dying??

[Creampuff]

I met my boyfriend when we're in high school. We've been in a relationship for 2.5 years, he's studying in Indonesia, and I'm studying art in Japan, yes we're in a long distance relationship. At first we'd always find times to chat and video call. But these days we don't even have a topic to talk to. But once we did video call, it feel different, I don't feel that spark anymore

 

*phew* and here's the story

 

Eventho we're in a long distance relationship, we agreed that once we find a promising job, we'll settle in one place. At first, it was him who promised to move in to Japan. But three months in our relationship, he said "yea, studying Japanese is too much of a work, I don't think I can do it". That's why I promised to return to Indonesia one day. Until my parents said that they won't let me return to Indonesia, I need to find a job abroad. Made sense since in Indonesia we don't respect artist that much and finding a job is really hard. My boyfriend said that I could definitely persuade my parents to be able to return to Indonesia so that we can be together again.

 

And another problem is that I haven't met him during the time period of my study at Japan. It has been a year, my parents said I should focus on my study, and for that reason, I don't have time to go back to Indonesia to meet him. He did once promised he'll saved up money to come and visit me at Japan. A while ago I asked him about his plan to Japan, but he replied with "ah actually I want to buy new camera, lenses, nintendo switch, and a new phone, so I can't visit u, sorry". It made sense to me since it was his hobby, but actually I'm a little sad.

 

And during this 2.5 years of our relationship, he won't introduce me to his parents, honestly this fact made me think that the relationship is dying, I'm always scared of it. To tell you the truth, my mom doesn't like my boyfriend as well. I came from a chinese-Indonesian family, while he's Javanese, interacial marriage between this 2 races is a bit of problem since we used to be sort of enemy. My mom is really embarrased the fact that her daughter dated Javanese. But to made matter worse, one day she angrily said to me "your boyfriend have no manner ah, I greeted him but he no answer!!" I told my boyfriend this, but he replied with, "I'm with friends at that time, don't know your mom is calling me" and every time I told him that my mom kinda dislike him he always replied with "you have to persuade your mom to like me, I know you can do it". Tbh I'm a little sad that he didn't make any effort.

 

But then I'm actually pretty fine with him. I have no reason to breakup. He didn't harrass me or do anything bad. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he's just taking things slow (am I too naive??). Plus, my friends kept cheering our relationship, they all believe one day they'll receive our wedding invitation. So, it's always hard to end this relationship, coz we're still in a safe zone, but no progress at all :/. But then I realize what my mom said, I need to find job abroad, Indonesia is not a choice. So, I was always thinking that I need to end it right now so that when the day came and I couldn't return to Indonesia, I won't have any hard feelings, and that I would be able to have more opportunity in the art industry. But then my friends said that it's rare to find someone like him, who's loyal to you, do you really want to breakup with him??

 

Please help me answer ;;w;;

[preraph]

I don't think you two should try to end up together. It sounds like you're really young since your parents are so involved in what you can and can't do, for one thing. I think you'd be best to finish school and then get a job or two and move out on your own so you can learn to be independent before you decide on a man.

 

When you say you met in high school, you did mean you face to face met him in high school, don't you, not that you just started chatting then? I ask because of the later comment about once you video called, you don't feel the spark anymore. Which very often happens IF you haven't already met each other in person because who people present themselves at in person and in writing are two different things.

 

He doesn't sound interested or anywhere near wanting to make a future with any woman. I think you ought to cut him loose and just be friends if you want since it sounds like that's all you can both agree on at this point. Go date real life guys you meet in the real world instead of just chatting up guys online because that can be a waste of times sometimes.

[Foxhall]

He preferred to spend his money on the tech gadgets than on visiting you,

 

should you end it based solely on that - perhaps not,

 

but in fairness its not a good sign.

 

how many high school relationships end up as life long partners??

 

its just the natural way of things that you drift apart and find other lives.

Edited August 28, 2019 by Foxhall

[Mr. Lucky]

Please help me answer

 

Strike one - you're too young to be in an exclusive relationship. This time in your life you should be meeting and dating other people to understand what you do and don't like.

 

Strike two - you're long distance and not even in control of where you go and live. Hard to manage under the best of terms, impractical for you

 

Strike three - you've been passed over in favor of a camera and video game, not a real sign of commitment.

 

Creampuff, relationships are difficult under ideal circumstances. Given the challenges and restrictions, you should both be free to focus on school and the transition to adulthood. Plenty of time to get serious down the road...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Flame Aura]

Unfortunately it does look like your relationship is dying. Having been in more than one LDR I know how much work it takes to make it last. If you haven't seen each other in one whole year then there's no other way to say it but you really are just friends at this point.

 

 

One of you should have been making at least some sacrifices, such as spending money on plane tickets, and making plans to move countries to be together in the future, but this has not happened, which says it all really.

 

 

It's time to let this one go.

[smackie9]

If you are fine with him and he's fine with you, why are you posting this thread? All that little stuff you are fussing over really doesn't effect where your relationship stands now. It's something you can deal with when you finish school.