Asian men have it so difficult in the deep South

[Garcon1986]

Just needed to vent a little bit. It's been a bit hard smiling around women these days, when you know dates are happening all around you except with you. I'm going to go swim to destress. I just looked myself in the eye and said, hang in there, working on getting out of the South, and you'll have better prospects. Have ye the serenity to accept that you cannot change the Southern woman, but you can work on your charm and your smile in the meantime to be that much more appealing when opportunity comes your way.

[mark clemson]

Interesting. Not sure if it's feasible for you, but consider going to the US west coast or to Hawaii. There are many asians there and generally believe no one will bat an eye either at your race or a racially paired or interracial R (a few bigots excepted of course).

[major_merrick]

Are you trying to date white girls, or are there no Asian girls in your area? If you're looking at white girls in the South, you won't have as much luck as you would with white girls on the coasts. If it is a lack of Asian girls, you might just look around at other areas nearby. In the city where my husband works, there's lots of different kinds of people (although I haven't noticed many Chinese, Japanese, or Koreans...mostly Southeast Asian girls.) There's even an open-air market and some Asian grocery stores.

 

Since you've got a medical career, I'm surprised you've got the time. Aren't the first few years of that pretty demanding. My mother-in-law had to wait until she was more settled in her profession. She was in her early 30's before marriage, and had to wait a few years after that to have enough time to have a child.

[alphamale]

Toronto has got a lot of Chinese people, actually Canada in general has a lot of Asians

[Garcon1986]

Merrick there are a scattering of taken Asian girls around here, and lots of single Southern women who don't care about what I have to offer Their choices tell me that only the classic Caucasian/ military/ Latino fraternity boy look is good enough.

 

I have time because my job is 7-5 at the moment, and with minimal call.

[major_merrick]

Hmmm...maybe you need some camo clothes and a photo with a dead animal of some kind? Good that you've got regular hours and minimal call. That's kind of a rare thing. Perhaps you might try looking online, and when you meet someone take some time to go see her? Surely there's some Asian girls online from other cities withing a day's drive?

[alphamale]

I don't know wtf a smart Asian guy is doing in the deep south anyways? Aren't there a lot of red necks there? I'm Asian-indian and I have to avoid the red neck Trump supporters

[Springsummer]

Their choices tell me that only the classic Caucasian/ military/ Latino fraternity boy look is good enough.

 

na......there are good looking guys in every races.

 

I have got 10K likes in Tinder, 99.99% are white. but I find few attractive.

[Garcon1986]

I don't know wtf a smart Asian guy is doing in the deep south anyways? Aren't there a lot of red necks there? I'm Asian-indian and I have to avoid the red neck Trump supporters

 

the road from graduate school to independent doctor took me there I wasn't impressive enough to totally have my pick of cities just yet.

[chillii]

Yeah , l'd be thinking it's def' your area op , plenty of Asian men in my country with beautiful women.

And your a doctor, from what l hear that's a major bonus.

one guy l know, he's in business, he can walk up to a women anywhere and be out with her next , no problem at all.

Sure he has the gift of the gab , but he's Asian and mostly dealing with white women.

 

 

Really , l'd look into a transfer to somewhere nice asap

[schlumpy]

I have two Asian friends. One is South Korean and he didn't waste his time with any of the local women but went back to Korea and came home married. I have to admit that his wife was every white guy's Asian fetish fantasy. They had two kids one of which got a doctorate of pharmacology and married an FBI agent and the other one is an electrical engineer living in California.

 

My other Asian friend is Cambodian and he came over to the states after the Cambodian Khmer Rouge fell from power. He was involved in the killing fields incident as a prisoner.

 

He started a business but his Canadian wife cheated on him several times and finally destroyed the business and herself through drinking and excess spending. He finally recovered and married the babysitter (also Cambodian) for his kids of which had three. He lives in a big house west of the city and is a teacher now. (I know, you guys think I'm making this up.)

 

Both men are successful and I certainly do admire their work ethic. No dreams for them like music careers or I want to be an artist. Just good solid get up in morning and work. It does pay off.

 

The point to my rambling rant is that they never considered any local American women as mates and it looks like it was the right decision for them.

[GorillaTheater]

In my experience, most universities have a number of Asian faculty members. Processing HB1 visas are several people's full time jobs. I live in central Texas, which I imagine qualifies as "Deep South", in a mid-size city with a huge university, and a little over 4% of the county's population is Asian. Interracial relationships are common with any possible combination imaginable.

 

Find yourself a city, anywhere, with a large university. There are a lot of cultural benefits which go along with that as well.

[alphamale]

the road from graduate school to independent doctor took me there I wasn't impressive enough to totally have my pick of cities just yet.

 

well I think you should leave the deep south the first chance you get...there is a reason why the deep south is the least educated part of the country

[alphamale]

Find yourself a city, anywhere, with a large university. There are a lot of cultural benefits which go along with that as well.

 

indeed GT....that's how it is up in Ann Arbor

[Els]

I imagine living in the US bible belt isn't great for anyone who isn't Caucasian and Christian.

 

 

 

Definitely hit the West Coast if you can - it's pretty metropolitan.

[somanymistakes]

I'm a white girl who grew up in the South and I always thought Asian guys were hot, lol.

 

Not super deep south though so I know it's worse in some places.

[RecentChange]

In other news.... Fire is hot.

 

Well, I can't say that is any surprise!

 

I have already recommended the CA bay area. We have some towns that are over 80% Asian. Seeing interracial couples here of every combo you can imagine is common place.

 

You wouldn't be an outlier here, but rather in the majority.

[chillii]

I imagine living in the US bible belt isn't great for anyone who isn't Caucasian and Christian.

 

 

 

Definitely hit the West Coast if you can - it's pretty metropolitan.

 

 

 

 

Yeah , from the sounds of it this is what l'd say the main issue is op , narrow minds and all that, lighten up on yourself man, it really sounds like you just need to get outa there.

And remember, there's other people of all sorts all over the forum too having area problems and a fitting in thing in finding someone.

l even had that here , well in the sense of just not liking anyone locally . My woman actually lived 12hours away.

There's another option for you if you use a date site , look further a field , a lot of people are open to relocating.

Edited August 29, 2019 by chillii

[Garcon1986]

Thanks for the encouragement, I have job interviews in Texas and Fresno CA. Let's see how it goes.

[BC1980]

Well, you did date someone for a few years, so you've had some luck where you are. But if you will be leaving soon, there might not be much of a point in starting something with another person. Southern women are difficult to catch sometimes ?

[MetallicHue]

I’m sure there are better locations for you to go but blaming it solely on being Asian may be a bit of a stretch.

[mark clemson]

Find yourself a city, anywhere, with a large university. There are a lot of cultural benefits which go along with that as well.

 

 

This is a good point. Now that I think about it, there are of plenty rural parts of WC states where being asian might be much less common and therefore might be more of an issue than in the cities/greater urban areas.

[Mr. Lucky]

I have job interviews in Texas and Fresno CA.

 

Fresno is about as close as you can get to the deep South and still be in California...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Garcon1986]

This is a summary of every single strategy I've tried to start social interactions with local women above and beyond a simple meet and greet -

 

- the cardiology trainees (my immediate social circle) are all married with kids; while they are nice to talk to, they are busy and cannot help me with social activities all the time. I have met the two single cardiology trainees at my institution, but despite my best efforts, the romantic connection/ spark has not grown with them. I obviously did not try to attempt a casual relationship with my immediate work colleagues if I wasn't seriously interested

- I have talked to people at the gym successfully in a non-creepy manner

- I contribute a lot of cooking when we have work parties; I still have yet to impress the right people. Cooking is delicious but it didn't open any social circles for me. Women here obviously want a multitalented man - but if he's Asian, no thanks. Only the cutest fraternity boy will do.

- I've tried to stay as well groomed and as well dressed as possible when outside my house. Still, when the local ladies see me walking with other American cardiology fellows - they stare the Americans, not me.

- none of the ladies I see out on dates in Mississippi are people I recognize from Match.com or any other dating site. There are secret social gatherings that I will never be invited too (fraternity/ sorority??)

- I've tried to smile and say hello to as many women as possible just to break the ice

- I have tried to escalate by should touching, hand holding, and looking women in the eye a little more when I sense the conversation is going well - and have been shot down every single time

- I've tried to form a salsa club to meet the local ladies. My hospital lawyers ordered me to do something impossible - prove I have a salsa diploma first (which is impossible in my current schedule)

- I've tried to talk to women at the salsa club; I say the exact same stuff as the cute Hispanic guys across the room, but I get no dates, and the Hispanic guys take ladies home.

- The medical residents (my closest social circle) are extraordinarily hard to talk to. I try to talk about their hobbies and interests, but rapidly run out of things to talk about.

- I recently joined a Russian club and had immediate rapport with the Russians. Even though these people were almost the exact same upbringing as the Southern women around me - I instantly felt at ease and was chatting with the Russian ladies much easier than the Americans, with which I felt exponentially increasing social awkwardness (in the equivalent parties with my immediate colleagues). I went home simultaneously delighted but exhausted to the point of tears, that I have to work this hard to get a relationship of some sort in the South and drive almost out of the State to get these precious social interactions where I'm actually happy

- I chat with nurses when the work is lighter. They hardly ever reciprocate interest

- I went to church on Sunday school only to find that the women there gave me the cold shoulder when talking about their interests

- I even had an article written about me, in the local hospital newsletter, sponsored by my boss. This attracted no attention whatsoever.

- I drove all the way from Mississippi to New Orleans LA to get several dates, all of which were dead ends

- I have sent out hundreds of messages in the meantime on dating websites only to get a wall of silence

- I have had professional dating photos taken of me and placed on the swiping dating apps, only to be met with a wall of silence

- I have tried to meet my neighbors and finally met one other medical person, who was ridiculously pretty and interesting, but already taken

 

- my last two options are to join a jogging club here and drive up to the university every single weekend (160 miles one way).

 

My Mississippi dating experience has been positively exhausting. Have I got any other options left? Is there anything else anyone? I think the locals have successfully worn me down and chased me out.

[Mr. Lucky]

Have I got any other options left? Is there anything else anyone?

 

Trying to predict what will work is like guessing Powerball numbers. The important thing to keep yourself in the game, which it seems like you're doing well. It will come when it comes. Not much comfort I know, but I've found it to be true...

 

Mr. Lucky