elaine567 Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 My thought on the cooking aspect. You, by doing the cooking are putting yourself into the "lackey" position and that is probably not good in a place where they already see you, as an Asian, as "less than". The cute frat boy is just doing the eating, he is not doing the cooking... why would he? He is top of the tree. You are the cardiologist, keep that in mind, do not weaken your position by being "the cook". I know it is good to be friendly and smiley but sometimes it is easy to take friendly smiley guys for granted. It can come across as weak and obsequious, and you are again adopting the servile role. I am not suggesting you become this grunting angry ogre, but you may need to ramp back a bit the "everybody's friend" persona if you want women to take you seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 You are the cardiologist, keep that in mind, do not weaken your position by being "the cook"... a physician that probably makes around $300,000/year is not "weakening his position" if he cooks a meal on occasion. attractive and intelligent women look for men with resources and earning power 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 a physician that probably makes around $300,000/year is not "weakening his position" if he cooks a meal on occasion. attractive and intelligent women look for men with resources and earning power They also look for power and status, so what status is he projecting when at work parties he becomes the cook? He is making himself look less compared to the other men, as whilst he is slogging away making food, they are enjoying the party. He is looking to date other doctors and nurses, so his target market sees him as the guy who cooks for us... Great skill to have sure and if he wasn't looking for dates probably no harm, but... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 dude, buy a convertible corvette or some similar sexy and powerful vehicle and you'll have chicks all over you in no time, guaranteed. do you live in a big house with a pool? if not then buy one (or rent) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 Im into Asian men but they arent into me usually. I feel u bro.... Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 l think trainees and others at work is understandable. They probably have their guards up around you for one because it's work and they're under you , probably a bit intimidated too and playing it safe. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 It sounds like you have done what you can do. Sometimes, meeting someone just comes down to luck. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 Have you read the thread below and tried to apply it (doesn't happen overnight)? Not sure how feasible it is in a hospital work situation, but the posture/mannerisms/gait stuff can strongly trigger some women's interest. See if you can experiment with working on that to see if different "styles" of walk/mannerism/etc. get different reactions. It can be a subtle thing that one doesn't notice about other men, but I believe many women do notice it (and some seem to respond quite strongly). Could help, dunno. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/689200-question-women-what-do-you-find-attractive-about-man How is your voice, do you have a deepish, masculine voice? I think there can be a fine line for women between almost-attractive-but-regular and attractive. IMO each element listed in that thread can help if you can "get it right" to the point where it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 I notice you seem to have a lot of interactions with women in what you describe. That's good, but I wonder how you actually come across to them in those interactions. I'd like to think you seem genuinely socially fluent to them, but perhaps you don't. There are many ways you could come across that might be less interesting to them: - awkward - weak/wimpy - "creepy" - stressed/anxious - etc. I'm NOT trying to make you second guess yourself overmuch, just suggesting you sit and think how you come across during these interactions. It seems you have no issues with talking to women and in my view that is half the battle right there for many many men who never overcome their insecurities. So, I'm wondering what's stopping you from getting to the finish line with this. It might simply be aversion to asians from the locals. If that's genuinely the case all your hard work focusing on this should pay off quickly in a new environment. Guess you'll find out at some point here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted September 1, 2019 Author Share Posted September 1, 2019 MC I have a relatively deep voice that has a mix of Canadian/ British/ Spanish/ American accents. I do not yet have a complete "soldier bod"; my shoulders and legs are already a success. I am working on the abs and arms. I feel like the most often encountered rejection is a lack of interest up front or a very loud and clear "shut him down" in the form of no eye contact, clamming up in conversation, etc etc. I do not yet have the skill to rapidly identify conversation topics that women find interesting unless I go to a social gathering where I am clearly told some subject matter (i.e. I can sing Russian songs to impress Russian ladies extremely well). Identical social interactions with the classic cute American frat guy go extremely well in the South. I just am blocked at every turn around American ladies. I can never get past basic social niceties around here. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 Identical social interactions with the classic cute American frat guy go extremely well in the South. I just am blocked at every turn around American ladies. I can never get past basic social niceties around here. Yes but you did say some other Chinese cardiology guy at work did very well with the ladies... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 I do not yet have a complete "soldier bod"; my shoulders and legs are already a success. I am working on the abs and arms. your abs and arms aren't going to get you chicks...only your confidence will Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 And Detroit, don't forget Detroit. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 Can't believe all the "Deep South" bashing that has been tolerated on this thread. Wow. Talk about intolerant and uneducated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 Garcon made a thread that the 'deep south' is the root of his problems. To borrow the phrase from Buckaroo Bonzai, 'No matter where you go, there you are.' 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted September 1, 2019 Author Share Posted September 1, 2019 Timshel do you think there is anything left that I haven’t tried? Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 Yes Garcon, stop trying, be yourself. A suitable partner is a rare and precious thing. There are very few women in your lifetime that you or anyone would find a remarkable fit. Wait for this, it's worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Thanks for the encouragement, I have job interviews in Texas and Fresno CA. Let's see how it goes. Interviews! Good locations attract more talent. Location really important for dating too. At least you're not attached yet, so you and your partner don't need to find two good jobs in the same city. Link to post Share on other sites
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