Why do average men have a lower value on online dating sites?

[guy45]

Why is it that average men on dating websites struggle much more than women to get dates?

 

Well here's my thought on this :

Men clearly have a higher sex drive than women, having a higher sex drive means men will want to purse women much more than women want to pursue men.

 

This would explain why there are more men on dating sites than women,

and since there are more men this will increase a woman's dating value.

 

 

Now comes the messaging. Men likely send out more messages than women, and when they do they send out a lot of messages to a lot of different women, these men would include the top tier men.

Upon receiving all these messages from all of these men the women will rate themselves according to the men of the highest value from which they received messages.

This means that the men who are not top tier will likely be ignored since these women will also think they are top tier.

 

At the end of the day you have the top tier men dating multiple women. The women they do not date will continue waiting around for another top tier guy to message them.

 

Of course there are exceptions but this may still be true in the bigger picture of things.

[ironpony]

Aside from saying that men have a higher sex drive, I agree with you. A lot of women just don't need to join OLD because they have enough guys in the real world trying to get with them, so why bother? The rest I agree with. Too many average looking girls that are waiting for Mr. Perfect and everyone just ends up disappointed.

 

When you say Mr. Perfect do you mean perfect in personality or looks more so?

[Allupinnit]

Average people are meeting each other every single day in real life and online, and making real connections.

 

In fact, the vast majority of people are simply average looks wise.

 

It has been my experience that men are much pickier when it comes to looks than women are. They just tend to cast a very wide net from the start.

 

If you're over 35 as a woman online, you've passed the cutoff for "desirability" for many men and your matches can plummet (quality and no). You're simply eliminated from the age range in searches.

 

It can be easy to get "dates." But most women are not looking for just a date; they're looking for a connection and a relationship.

 

So I suppose there are different yardsticks to measure by when discussing success with online dating, depending on what you're looking for, among so many other factors at play.

 

I don't understand what "top tier" means. I feel like everyone is trying to get the best match they can - aren't you? Do you feel that women aren't entitled to their preferences? Because I see a lot of disdain for single moms and overweight women on this site. I don't see how it's different for women to want to be attracted to their dates, too.

[alphamale]

"average" men have a low value everywhere, not just on OLD

[Eugeleh]

 

It has been my experience that men are much pickier when it comes to looks than women are. They just tend to cast a very wide net from the start.

 

 

 

 

Actually, women are pickier:

 

https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/

 

Most men are rated below average looking by women, whereas men tend to rate women on a bell curve, with the median roughly reflecting the mean.

[Allupinnit]

Actually, women are pickier:

 

https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/

 

Most men are rated below average looking by women, whereas men tend to rate women on a bell curve, with the median roughly reflecting the mean.

 

From the article:

 

"To be sure, these reports are often highly controversial and aren’t going to be showing up in scientific literature any time soon, but they’re generally interesting (and often amusing) reads."

 

*shrugs*

[chillii]

l dunno , why you guys insist on shooting yourselves in the foot all over forums only to display and make what you think is happening, even worse- is a total effg mystery to me,

Talk about self sabotage. And then all the pther guys come on and shoot away a bit more, the mind just baffles .

All these moaning threads do is feed the already very delusional idea of online dating that women already have, into the very women your complaining about not be able to get , even more

Holy Moses , if l was a single average guy l'd be plastering all over the damn net how cool we were and how many women we're beating of with sticks lf l wanted to help my cause.

 

For a start, do you not read the millions of posts all over forums from women struggling online and offline , too?

Do you not see out on any street, and on any date site , that 90% of women are just average themselves or below too. ?

Any l met were mostly lovely women and mostly great looking too, but even they'd all been on 3 and 4 date sites and still single for years.

Edited August 29, 2019 by chillii

[GuitarGuy7]

It's about supply and demand buddy. When abundance goes up, the price of said item goes down. And in the world of dating, dick is abundant, meaning that every decently attractive woman has literally 100+ men to choose from, which causes them to be more picky, hence why the value of dick is so low.

[chillii]

lt's as if even other men hate men , they all come on and only back up the theories even more.

There's another right there, before l even had time to drink my coffee. and a crude one at that.

BTW, aren't you one of the others that can't get a women ?

l think struggling guys must be struggling because they're a bit slow , if things they post are anything to go by , ya haven't learnt much from your other thread buddy gees ya not too bright are ya, l think we've found the problem.

 

 

Even stranger is that struggling women show their disgust by running men down , but struggling men show their disgust by running men down too.

Edited August 29, 2019 by chillii

[DaddyDom]

I think it has more to do with confidence level.

 

As a good looking successful guy I know if it doesn't go somewhere with one woman, they'll be more to take her place. So I am very direct and have the balls to stay stuff straight out some guys don't. I also love psychology, know body language well, etc.. So I act and escalate quickly with chemistry. But all that comes with full confidence.

 

With that said, a guy who perceives himself as "average" won't exude the same level of confidence. He'll be more timid in how he writes his profile, how he speaks to women, more hesitant in setting up dates, escalating sexually, etc..

 

Even an "average" guy can get above average results if he believes in himself.

[alphamale]

As a good looking successful guy...

 

I know you dislike tooting your own horn

[basil67]

Even an "average" guy can get above average results if he believes in himself.

 

Truth.

 

Fact is, pretty much all people are degrees of average. There are a few who are blessed with looks, charisma and humility, but they are very rare indeed. The rest are average guys who achieve success in life and love thanks to their self belief.

 

And don't go comparing yourself to the guys who describe themselves as being above average. They are brought back down to being average on account of their own vanity. People who truly are above average don't need to inform others.

 

If you've got social skills, get off OLD and meet women in real life.

[Gretchen12]

Those who only meet people online have the illusion that OLD represents the whole dating world.

 

Actually a 2015 poll showed only 5% of newlyweds met online. There are good women, commitment minded, not looking for hookups or male attention to stroke the ego, that are staying away from OLD. They would be among the 95% meeting men in social settings, getting married, raising families.

 

Some good women may try OLD for some time. But they're soon get turned off by the dick pics, scammers and ghosts. So they don't stay long.

[PRW]

I would say the initial assessment is pretty accurate. However it is the same pattern everywhere, not just on OLD. However it is more exaggerated on OLD.

 

 

Google the terms 8/20 Rule, Hypergamy, and the phrase "Deregulation of Sexual Marketplace". The e terms are al interrelated.

[ZA Dater]

If you've got social skills, get off OLD and meet women in real life.

 

 

 

Not really correct because if this was the case there would not be so many supposedly average guys battling to date, you cannot say they ALL lack social skills. Perhaps the problem are unreasonable demands by women, demands cultivated by Western media and their own rather warped sense of what MEN and WOMEN should be.

[jspice]

None of you whining in this thread are “average”.

You all sound like you come with huge chips on your shoulder. Women don’t want to prop up your egos, just like you shouldn’t have to prop up theirs.

 

A level of introspection is in order here. AVERAGE men don’t have a lower value. AVERAGE men are on an even keel and make good partners.

 

It’s easy to blame the opposite sex because you’d rather vilify women that reflect on where you’re lacking.

[SumGuy]

Why is it that average men on dating websites struggle much more than women to get dates?

You state this as a "fact" but what is this based on besides personal perception? If you look at sites dedicated to women's OLD woes they will say they can't get any dates that are interested in anything besides a hook up. Also what age group are you talking about? Your statement is definitively not true for the over 40 crowd.

 

Well here's my thought on this :

Men clearly have a higher sex drive than women, having a higher sex drive means men will want to purse women much more than women want to pursue men.

Don't think it is clear at all. Now it's certainly the cultural message some believe. It used to be women had the higher sex drive, that's why they had to be kept in check with marriage and the witches amongst them weeded out.

Even if women have a lower sex drive, doesn't mean they pursue men any less, just for different reasons.

 

This would explain why there are more men on dating sites than women,

and since there are more men this will increase a woman's dating value.

Such a broad statement as to be meaningless, which sites, which age groups, etc. Can guarantee you there are more women than men on the gold digger sites, you know the ones where you need a mid to high six figure income as a man to get on.

 

Now comes the messaging. Men likely send out more messages than women, and when they do they send out a lot of messages to a lot of different women, these men would include the top tier men.

It's good you used likely as this is an assumption. I'm sure there is some PUA guy that sends a "message" to every women he sees that meets his looks cut off.

How much have you talked to women about their OLD experience? I've talked to dozens in person, and look at the sites dedicated to women's OLD woes. The vast majority of the messages they receive are sleazy if not just creepy. As a percentage (and maybe even absolute number) it sounds like they get a much smaller percentage of decent messages than men.

You are very wrong on top tier men, at least from those I know in the age range 45+, including myself if "top tier" just means looks, money and a good senses of humor. "Top tier" men in my experience are very selective in who they message, they get far more message than they send out (that in itself may be part of being "top tier"). A true "top tier" man for all the women I know or have met is one interested in the woman as a person, not just sex. I certainly send out far, far fewer messages than I receive; then again I am not just interested in sex.

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I've a high libido, and passionate sex is very important to me, but I'm not desperate and believe it or not every woman I have dated has a high libido and is into passionate sex. Granted, I may be filtering out others but not through some explicit sexual criteria.

 

Upon receiving all these messages from all of these men the women will rate themselves according to the men of the highest value from which they received messages.

Of course, don't men do the same thing? It also makes perfect sense that people would and should do this. It's not just them imagining they are all that if some guy they think is all that is interested in them.

 

This means that the men who are not top tier will likely be ignored since these women will also think they are top tier.

Duh. Why wouldn't you reach out first to the ones you find "top tier." I mean as a guy would you choose the woman you found ugly and possibly a controlling gold digger over the one you find hot who seems easy going and likes the things you do?

 

At the end of the day you have the top tier men dating multiple women.

Not really. Dating multiple women at the same time is a good way to take you out of the "top tier." Lucky for men, being put in the "top tier" by women is not all about looks.

 

 

The women they do not date will continue waiting around for another top tier guy to message them.

If you attracted a top tier guy once and it didn't work out why not wait for another? You know you can so why not wait for another? Now if you have never attracted the attention of a "top tier" person then yes it may be foolish to wait around for it without changing your approach. If you say men who attract "top tier" women don't wait around, to that I'd say BS unless they are just players; and players are rarely consider "top tier."

 

Of course there are exceptions but this may still be true in the bigger picture of things.

I think the bigger picture is people (who are not just interested in sex) are looking for the person who really does it for them in terms of connection, those people are "top tier" in their book.

[alphamale]

although I must say that I've met some very good looking men who are just weird and lack confidence with women

 

I've also met some looks-challenged men who are very confident and never lack for dates

 

it's all a crap shoot

[SumGuy]

It's about supply and demand buddy. When abundance goes up, the price of said item goes down. And in the world of dating, dick is abundant, meaning that every decently attractive woman has literally 100+ men to choose from, which causes them to be more picky, hence why the value of dick is so low.

 

 

Yep...and if all you are offering is dick, you are just that.

[an0nym0us123]

What about average looking guy with with d**k size in the top 5 percetile, does this increase his value? Casual dating or otherwise? Asking for a friend.

[alphamale]

What about average looking guy with with d**k size in the top 5 percetile, does this increase his value? Casual dating or otherwise? Asking for a friend.

 

if his dick was that large of course it would increase his value, but only when he's naked

[basil67]

What about average looking guy with with d**k size in the top 5 percetile, does this increase his value? Casual dating or otherwise? Asking for a friend.

 

Hell no. Not even for a guy with movie star looks. I've done it once and am not ever going back. Thought I'd get torn in half.

[an0nym0us123]

Well it's not something I've brought up on here before but I saw it mentioned and I don't want to sound like that's all I've going for me. I've average looks IMO but I've been gifted in other departments. I had a fwb back in the winter who was in her 40's and she had not seen bigger. Same as the most recent one who was 31.

 

I've had 2 dozen women wanting potential fwb/hookups chatting with me. I've a phone full of dirty pictures they sent me. In return I'd send them one back. The answer they give is usually the same "holy f**k". These are women often divorced looking for a bit of fun etc, given I'm also ripped I thought I'd be what they wanted. But out of all these potential hookups and possible fwb one one i actually met. Like 1 out of twenty odd.

 

Then there was a girl I dated seriously. After date 2 texting got very sexual, and I joked that she wouldn't be disappointed when the time came. On date 4 I landed in her bed, it was the wrong time of the month so we never had sex but we fooled around and when I got naked and she saw how in shape I was and what else I had to offer she was like "I've died and gone to heaven". After that night she was texting saying how she could not wait till next time. When I went to confirm our plans the night before date 5 I got told to F off basically.

 

This boggled my mind because not only were we sexually compatable we had a good laugh together.

 

So apart from 2fwb who loved it being big, hasn't really helped me, even to get hookups or something casual.

 

Just to be clear I don't send random d pics to women online. Only if we have been chatting for a while and that's the way the chat has gone and I ask first.

 

So my mind boggles. Now I will probably get savaged for this post lol

[an0nym0us123]

Hell no. Not even for a guy with movie star looks. I've done it once and am not ever going back. Thought I'd get torn in half.

 

I guess everyone is different. Everyone I've been with was delighted, was told I was perfect without being stupidly over sized.

[basil67]

Forgive me. I just googled percentiles: I was actually referring to what is probably top one.

 

I've been delighted with pretty much any penis size and told him it's perfect. If it works and fits, then it's great.