Why do average men have a lower value on online dating sites?

[preraph]

I'm just very leery of profiles where women make a big point of it, to me it is a ready made excuse for avoiding relationships. If I see you have kids in your profile I will assume that all their needs come first (as they should); not all their wants though.

 

 

If you don't have kids of your own would never recommend dating someone with kids. It's just a world few can understand unless you experienced it.

 

I pretty much agree with you. If it's all about the kids on the profile, she may literally have no other interests or hobbies she finds time to enjoy and just be living through her kids, as many do. But they're not all like that at all.

 

And it matters what age the kids are. Some people may have a tolerance for older ones, and some people may love kids in general and be just fine with an instant family. I guess those people are few and far between though. But anytime there's kids, they're going to be the first priority and probably life is going to center around taking care of them.

[preraph]

Garcon, doctors used to be so sought after for husbands. I don't know if that has changed or what, but I still think one day it will help you attract a nice woman that you work with or someone will introduce you to a friend. Perhaps another doctor.

 

There are dating sites for professionals only. And that might be a place to start. I realize most people will not be in your area, though. But you never know what it could lead to, maybe even a different job once you finish your stint there.

[MeganDoll]

Why would an average or better woman need to go onto OLD to find an average man? They're all around her. If she goes onto OLD, she's going fishing to see if she can do better, just like the men are. Hence, very few matches that work out. People can get their honest match locally in real life, but not many are looking for that. If they were, they can find it all around them.

 

Because they’res more to a match then just being someone’s looks equal. With old you can see if you have compatibility in a lot of areas.

[preraph]

You can also tell that by going and doing the activities and meeting others who are also doing them. In fact, that's much better since guys lie about what they like trying to make their profiles more conducive to getting laid.

[Gretchen12]

Why would an average or better woman need to go onto OLD to find an average man? They're all around her. If she goes onto OLD, she's going fishing to see if she can do better, just like the men are. Hence, very few matches that work out. People can get their honest match locally in real life, but not many are looking for that. If they were, they can find it all around them.

 

Agree except the "..., just like the men are." bit. I think here the key word is "need". A woman has it easier because she can close the app/computer, walk out the door and meet men. Men will approach. Sure some of those men approaching are looking to get laid but it's no worse than online.

 

So she is not online out of need. Those men who can't/won't approach women and don't have a big social circle, don't have many friends, NEED online dating. It's all they got. Doesn't matter how good looking you are, when you live that way and depend on one particular thing, your leverage is gone, and your "value" as the OP puts it, goes down.

 

There are several types of online women: among the more enticing ones, we have the curious, the freshly dumped, the attention seeker, the golddigger. They tend to be unreliable, cancel, disappear, quickly delete a profile or just drag their feet. Among the less enticing ones are the awkward, antisocial and homely girls, and yes, the weird deluded women.

 

In a rural area, both men and women have few options :-((

[Veronica73]

I have a hard time understanding how anybody “needs” OLD. Get out and live your life and meet people the old fashioned way. OLD seems to cater to lazy people. Or insecure people. Or people who just want easy sex.

[elaine567]

As people age the number of unattached people they meet decreases. Young people may be "attached" too but not in the "permanent" or "semi permanent" way that older people are attached.

So even if you are highly sociable in real life, how do you meet single people? and then how do you meet someone who is compatible with you?

It's a tall order when the numbers involved are so low.

 

It "worked" when women had little option but to find a man and stick onto him for life, good or bad.

George the 40yo guy who has never really had a gf and is a friend of a friend of a friend or who lives next door is not now seen as a good option...

Women in general want more than grabbing the only available guy around.

 

OLD if nothing else identifies the single and uncovers those who may not be particularly sociable IRL. Sometimes through no fault of their own.

There are only so many groups to join and events to attend, especially when a scan of the room reveals it is a waste of time...

Living in big cities is a definite advantage, socialising to look for singles in rural locations can be hard if not impossible... That is where OLD comes in.

[nospam99]

I have a hard time understanding how anybody “needs” OLD. Get out and live your life and meet people the old fashioned way. OLD seems to cater to lazy people. Or insecure people. Or people who just want easy sex.

 

Are you 65 y/o? Are all your friends either dead or long-term attached? Do you have trouble even finding single people of the opposite sex who can and want to keep up with your physical activity level AND don't consider you 'too old' to date? If the answer to all those questions is 'yes' then 'god bless you' for having a hard time understanding how anybody needs OLD.

 

Related anecdote... My local county Office for the Aging runs a 'senior prom'. I was researching it yesterday to determine if it might be enough of a 'mixer' for me to go in the interest of 'meeting someone'. There are few posted details about the event other than the price and the menu. But the 'killer' - it's scheduled in the middle (noon to 4pm) of a WORK DAY. I guess they expect the guests to be 'senior enough' that they don't work. Most of the photos and stories posted about the event are of couples who have been married 50-75 years. LOL - I'm not married any more and I wasn't married when I was 15.

[an0nym0us123]

I have a hard time understanding how anybody “needs” OLD. Get out and live your life and meet people the old fashioned way. OLD seems to cater to lazy people. Or insecure people. Or people who just want easy sex.

 

Theres 280,000 people living within 2.5 hrs drive from my house. Rural location, going out to the local bar you will find nothing. When i was 20 there was much more people single my age. Now everyone has left or is married so i have to look else where.

 

Old has resulted in a number of dates. However the type of women i seem to get is a lot poorer than real life. Either i look better in person, which ive been told or its just because theres a lot more men than women giving them more choice.

 

If we go solely on looks the ones ive been with in real life blow away the ones that wont even read my message online

[ZA Dater]

OLD if nothing else identifies the single and uncovers those who may not be particularly sociable IRL. Sometimes through no fault of their own.

There are only so many groups to join and events to attend, especially when a scan of the room reveals it is a waste of time...

Living in big cities is a definite advantage, socialising to look for singles in rural locations can be hard if not impossible... That is where OLD comes in.

 

 

 

With respect I think all OLD identifies are those with the best looks. A good command of language is largely irrelevant, a decent job, largely irrelevant. Its a tool to sell an idea, no matter how far fetched that idea may be.

[elaine567]

You miss the point.

My point being that the people on OLD, who are actually real, are identifying themselves as single and looking to date.

On meeting someone anywhere else, it is almost certain they are married, are living with someone, or are in some sort of a relationship.

[mr_ybor]

I have a hard time understanding how anybody "needs" OLD. Get out and live your life and meet people the old fashioned way. OLD seems to cater to lazy people. Or insecure people. Or people who just want easy sex.

 

I don't know if it's a "need" thing, but IMHO, 'Get out and live your life' doesn't exactly translate to meeting people. Some of us aren't "old fashioned" so why would "old fashioned" even work to begin with? Where do you meet people, Veronica? Are you even the kind of woman I'm trying to meet to begin with. Are our demos even close to the same?

 

Granted, I've had a far better time moving, and where I am now at least stumbling across opportunities IRL, but frankly, they're few and far between. We live in an era where online dating is a big way people meet each other. I mean, "living my life" hasn't exactly been all that fruitful, and my last dates and relationships all came from online. It's hard to argue with that.

Edited September 2, 2019 by mr_ybor

[mr_ybor]

So what does the average guy expect online? ive been playing about with new photos, ive about 25 to 30 matches on tinder this last week which is one of my best. 6 inbound messages. Sadly a lot are too far away

 

 

I'm a better-than-average looking guy I'm fairly certain, but not at all average in the "watches sports","wears khakis" cultural sense.

 

 

My minimum that would make me happy from online dating at this point is one date a year. It's a pretty low bar.

[Blanco]

I have a hard time understanding how anybody “needs” OLD. Get out and live your life and meet people the old fashioned way. OLD seems to cater to lazy people. Or insecure people. Or people who just want easy sex.

 

I finally created a profile on a couple of the apps a few weeks ago, mostly as a soft launch to get back onto the dating scene after a self-imposed multi-year exile. I wasn't expecting much, which is good, because I've gotten even less than that.

 

I've swiped left on probably 95 percent of the profiles I've seen for various reasons. Just from being out and about throughout the day, I know my area, while not overflowing with enticing people, doesn't seem to be accurately represented by what I've seen on the apps. And that's sort of what I anticipated based on what some people had told me.

 

My perspective is that if you're a guy, OLD is a fine tool to have in your kit, but you're shooting yourself in the foot if it's the lone or even primary way of meeting new women. Outside of single full-time parents, I don't know why someone would need to exclusively use OLD, and I can totally see how those who do would end up feeling cynical about dating in general. It's quite the meat market, for guys and gals.

[Gretchen12]

^^totally agree with the above. Men who rely solely on dating apps to find women are going to be pretty frustrated.

 

OLD gives a skewed picture of the real world. If it's an accurate representation, we'd be seeing the right sex ratio according to demographics of the location. So it's not good to form an opinion of the opposite sex based on online dating experiences. Several guys here seem resentful towards the women on OLD. I understand it's because the experience sucks. But it's not real life. If my idea of men comes solely from OLD, then I'd associate the males of our species with: dick pics, bathroom selfies, sex addicts, houdinis, scammers and a full menu of personality disorders. We need real life experience for proper perspective.

[basil67]

With respect I think all OLD identifies are those with the best looks. A good command of language is largely irrelevant,

 

Are you kidding? A profile full of spellos and poor grammar wouldn't get past GO for me. I wouldn't be so picky if it was a chat board (where spellos do happen because people type fast) but when one's words represent them, they need to be well written.

 

Of the people who have low hits, I wonder how thoroughly their profile has been proof read.

[basil67]

I don't know if it's a "need" thing, but IMHO, 'Get out and live your life' doesn't exactly translate to meeting people.

 

Do you have friends? Meeting people via friends and events should still be a thing. Especially if the friends are people who are like you and do the things you enjoy. Likewise, kindred spirits can be found at events.

 

My daughter is very indie looking and is largely ignored by men in mainstream life. But in indie suburbs and events, guys are attracted because she's one of them. It's about getting out with your tribe.

[thefooloftheyear]

A man's value can rise substantially by intangibles...Intangibles meaning a quick wit, a commanding/magnetic persona, natural leadership/alpha qualities. etc...Women don't get nearly the same credit for these attributes and sometimes even get downgraded for it...For them its about 90% how they look...

 

That's why stuff like OLD is not a good venue for a "typical" or average looking guy...I have seen short and average looking guys command a room full of women's attention, while a good looking guy that's a dud in these other areas gets no where...

 

None of these traits can be displayed unless that person sees and interacts with the other..

 

In fact that's why the OLD is really not even that great when you consider all the aspects for majority of either sex...Women know their value is highly associated with their appearance, so they put up doctored photos, get a bunch of attention, but never go anywhere because they get exposed eventually....And good "average" guys cant show they have other attractive attributes, and get passed on based solely on facial features or height...Its nuts, if you ask me..

 

TFY

[ZA Dater]

^^totally agree with the above. Men who rely solely on dating apps to find women are going to be pretty frustrated.

 

OLD gives a skewed picture of the real world..

 

I don't agree, for me OLD is an exact representation of the real world, what gets you rejected on OLD gets you rejected in person, some people type better than they speak, are more funny in text so this all falls flat in person.

 

Being unattractive is seemingly always visual, someone doesn't like your pictures they certainly aren't going to like you more in person.

[Blanco]

I don't agree, for me OLD is an exact representation of the real world, what gets you rejected on OLD gets you rejected in person, some people type better than they speak, are more funny in text so this all falls flat in person.

 

Being unattractive is seemingly always visual, someone doesn't like your pictures they certainly aren't going to like you more in person.

 

Great, your experience isn't everyone's no matter how much you'd like it to be. I've found it way easier to communicate with women in person versus my limited time on OLD.

 

I don't find the photo thing to be true, either. Some people, unless getting photographed professionally, simply look better in person, and thus, may fare a bit better in real-world dating versus the swipe-happy world of OLD.

[Veronica73]

I don't agree, for me OLD is an exact representation of the real world, what gets you rejected on OLD gets you rejected in person, some people type better than they speak, are more funny in text so this all falls flat in person.

 

Being unattractive is seemingly always visual, someone doesn't like your pictures they certainly aren't going to like you more in person.

 

But aren’t you getting some dates through OLD, but you don’t get second dates? (Sorry, I lose track sometimes and don’t want to sift through everything). If that’s so, it seems like your physical/visual attractiveness isn’t the issue, unless your photos aren’t representative of what you really look like.

 

And I’m just one person, but I absolutely have had several (I think 4) 9+ month relationships with guys I NEVER would have dated if I had only their photos to go by.

[ZA Dater]

And I’m just one person, but I absolutely have had several (I think 4) 9+ month relationships with guys I NEVER would have dated if I had only their photos to go by.

 

Which is exactly my point, OLD is purely visual nothing else, however, the question is how did you meet those guys and where. Look I think OLD has a purpose for people who don't have a lot of friends OR people who simply looking for a quick hook up. I'd say you are quite rare to be honest because most women simply write off people based on looks. The issue really is I think people who do use OLD are not suited to any other form of trying to date, frequently I am told "get off those sites and go out", sure go out where though? Shy introverted people don't do well trying to pick up random dates, in fact its near impossible.

 

Good to know some guys do get a chance.

 

OP I think value is so difficult to define because women aren't up front about what they value. Its like trying to play darts while blind folded, the average guy isn't really going to know what women value because most don't state what they value.

Edited September 5, 2019 by ZA Dater

[ZA Dater]

Stop listening and start observing.

 

 

 

I do but don't really like what I observe.

[mr_ybor]

Do you have friends? Meeting people via friends and events should still be a thing. Especially if the friends are people who are like you and do the things you enjoy. Likewise, kindred spirits can be found at events.

 

I only have one close friend (well here, I have a number of friends previous places I've lived ). I'm pretty new to the area. I certainly wouldn't mind having more. I'm also on a group chat with a bunch of people I met on a wine down Wednesday at my apartment complex a few weeks back. We're doing game nights and will be doing some bar crawls in the future here.

 

My daughter is very indie looking and is largely ignored by men in mainstream life. But in indie suburbs and events, guys are attracted because she's one of them. It's about getting out with your tribe.

 

Yeah, I try to. Meetups have been a bust (they always have been in the past too, in PHX and PDX), I don't know why anyone reccos them. I try to get out to shows when I can, even it's local stuff that I'm not necessarily into. I'm catching The Midnight play tonight, and Northlane (who I love) and Erra are playing Saturday. I'm a busy guy as a professional some days, but I try not to be a homebody. I get stir crazy as an ambivert.

[basil67]

I'd say you are quite rare to be honest because most women simply write off people based on looks.

 

No, it's not rare at all. Have a look around when you're out and you'll see all kinds of men and women who aren't beautiful that have partners. I think you'll find that those who won't date outside of their firm preferences on appearance are also chronically single.

 

I still maintain that those who's faces pop up over and over again on OLD, year in - year out need to be avoided. There is a reason they are still single. Same as buying a used car. If it's not snapped up quickly, then they either want too much or there's something wrong with it.