Why do average men have a lower value on online dating sites?

[Blanco]

No, it's not rare at all. Have a look around when you're out and you'll see all kinds of men and women who aren't beautiful that have partners. I think you'll find that those who won't date outside of their firm preferences on appearance are also chronically single.

 

I still maintain that those who's faces pop up over and over again on OLD, year in - year out need to be avoided. There is a reason they are still single. Same as buying a used car. If it's not snapped up quickly, then they either want too much or there's something wrong with it.

 

I really wish people would stop replying to this often-repeated, yet easily-refutable claim from ZA. Good looking guys do well in dating, but it isn't hard at all to find mediocre looking guys paired up with decent or good looking women.

[elaine567]

... but it isn't hard at all to find mediocre looking guys paired up with decent or good looking women.

 

Or the opposite...

I learned that at school...Very good looking teacher who was a bit of a crush to the girls in my class, his dowdy plain wife showed up up one day. Lovely friendly woman, just not pretty.

[SumGuy]

Am I correct in assuming you are in South Africa from the ZA?

If so, then I'm not sure how many people here know the dating scene or culture there.

 

I will say for the US that your views are uninformed if not flat out wrong. So everything I say is with regard to the US.

 

You make a lot of statements based on assumptions and knowing what "most women" want but then you describe how you really have no experience with women or socializing. Can you see you are letting your preconceptions and projection create "the facts" for you?

 

Which is exactly my point, OLD is purely visual nothing else, however, the question is how did you meet those guys and where.

Maybe for you. Not for me, or for the women (dozens) I've talked to about it. Yes certainly there is a cut-off for everyone on looks but most I have talked to it is not at good looking but lower, average works. In fact, in my experience women are far, far, far more likely to give less weight to looks than men.

 

To the extent you photos tell a "story" about you that is not "purely visual," that is the story. Half naked bathroom selfies tell a different story than rock climbing or at a social event.

 

Look I think OLD has a purpose for people who don't have a lot of friends OR people who simply looking for a quick hook up.

BS. I mean really if you don't see how OLD casts a wider net than even the most extensive social circle then logic has no place in your thinking. I will say you must not have kids or a career or a home to maintain or much responsibility in life at all. I sure thought I had little free time in my 20s, what a fool I was.

When you have a career, kids, property and other community obligations come back and tell me how just hanging out with your social circle is enough to meet more than a handful of eligible singles.

 

I'd say you are quite rare to be honest because most women simply write off people based on looks.

I'd say how in the world do you know what most women think and do? Where are you getting this information besides your own limited experience filtered through a whole bunch of bias and self pity?

 

The issue really is I think people who do use OLD are not suited to any other form of trying to date, frequently I am told "get off those sites and go out", sure go out where though?

Again, what is the difference between a date arranged through OLD or one through friends? I found back in the old friend introduce you days or through a social circle (you know in the dawn of time before 1990) the amount of information you got on your date was less than on-line. Sure people that are total fubar in person can only get a first meet via OLD, but guess what, once someone meets in person there is not difference between OLD and other dating. That person who is fubar doesn't get a second date.

In short, the vast majority maybe 80% of those I met via OLD are fine in person even if there is no physical chemistry, still an interesting evening.

I will even go so far as to say OLD is better than just ones social circles, as you get exposed to people you may never have met in a very good way. Also if you date someone in your social circle and it goes wrong, you have all sorts of possible social complications. Been there, done that, OLD is far better than social circles once you get out of your 20s or 30s.

 

Shy introverted people don't do well trying to pick up random dates, in fact its near impossible.

Agreed. I'm not so shy but have never wanted to pick up someone at random, that is a situation where you are a true stranger. What did Groucho Marx say, I'd never want to join a club who'd have me as a member. For me I'd never want to date a woman who would date a stranger off the street/at the bar/ what have you.

 

Good to know some guys do get a chance.

Plenty do. I know a guy, who is average looks and a little below average in shape and certainly doesn't have a lot of money but pays his bills and lives in a modest condo, he has no trouble and was dating 3 women at one point (though I didn't agree with that). I'd say some of them average, some rather good looking. He is not the most scintillating company but he can be funny, is caring, cooks (that's a big plus for some women), and thinks he is in far better shape than he is .

 

OP I think value is so difficult to define because women aren't up front about what they value. Its like trying to play darts while blind folded, the average guy isn't really going to know what women value because most don't state what they value.

Wow. I don't know if you are painting all women with this brush or just your experience. My experience is most people don't know what they truly want or what will make them content, even the ones who think they do...hence a big cause of all their problems. On that I'd say look in the mirror.

Funny though that women who make a laundry list of what they do and don't want are chastised for it. Nevertheless, there are many a profile I see where the woman tells you explicitly, sometime with numbered list, exactly what she wants. Go out with one of those women if you are confused. Frankly I steer clear of that.

Certainly there are people with some niche or very specific wants.

Certainly there are people who say one thing and want another.

By in large though, believe it or not women want in large part want men want, if just a hook up likely looks and physique are it, if more long term (my category) they want someone who is kind, has a sense of humor, honest, doesn't cheat, stable (emotionally and financially) and they have a sense of chemistry with.

There really is no mystery here.

Frankly most women I know complain about how humorless and emotionally unstable guys they meet on-line appear to be. Be it whining about women, their ex, or man-splaining ad nauseum. The guys are so wrapped up in themselves and their hurt, prejudices and being judgmental it's a real turn-off. Do they tell the guys this is why no second date? Heck no. All those personality traits are also those of someone who is dangerous. At least in the US here.

Edited September 6, 2019 by SumGuy

[Pat77]

Why would an average or better woman need to go onto OLD to find an average man? They're all around her. If she goes onto OLD, she's going fishing to see if she can do better, just like the men are. Hence, very few matches that work out. People can get their honest match locally in real life, but not many are looking for that. If they were, they can find it all around them.

 

What is their “honest match”

 

Are you just judging someone’s value by looks?