Is it wrong for a woman in her mid 30’s to find early 20 year old guy’s attractive?

[Cindylee]

Should I stop checking out guys that are like 12 years younger than me? I’m younger than I look actually, so if I do get approached by a 24 year old guy they assume I’m also 24. Then I tell them my age and they don’t seem bothered by it. Last time I checked 21 is legal so...

[Mr. Lucky]

Are you looking to date or be in a relationship with one of these 20-something guys? Other than a lack of conversational topics, no real downside to that approach. I certainly know lots of men your age - and older - interested in younger women...

 

Mr. Lucky

[schlumpy]

It isn't wrong but it is shortsighted depending on where you see yourself ten years from now when your "younger than I look" gene suddenly turns off.

 

Do you want to build a life for yourself or only have a string of young lovers you can fondly remember?

 

It's unlikely it will be both.

 

Just keep in mind that it's your choice.

[d0nnivain]

It's fine.

 

If they are younger, say 19, then it becomes more problematic. You can still think they are attractive but you shouldn't really act on that.

[somanymistakes]

It's not wrong, people get together with much bigger age gaps than that. As long as you're not in a position of power over someone (don't date your students!!!) then who cares?

 

Obviously if you're getting into a more serious relationship you need to be sure they know your actual age. And sometimes an age disparity can lead to relationship problems if you're in different stages of life and want different things. On the other hand not everyone DOES want what they're stereotypically supposed to want at their age. Some younger people want to settle down, some older people want to party.

 

Be honest and communicate and things will work out as they should.

[stillafool]

Hey, men do it all the time.

[preraph]

If all you want is short uncommitted relationships, go for it. With that age gap, they'll rule you out as a spouse. I dated a lot of younger guys. Some of them are far too immature to even put up with. The business I was in put me always in the middle of younger people. My girlfriends were younger too.

 

Lots of young guys are attracted to older women. But it truly won't go any further than that if there's more than a five-year gap there. Even young men will be practical about that. They don't want to stay with someone who will age out faster than if they married a young woman, mainly. And if they are family minded, they'll rule you out for the same type reasons. And still, even if they are attracted to older women doesn't mean they're not even more attracted to younger ones.

[fromheart]

Should I stop checking out guys that are like 12 years younger than me? I’m younger than I look actually, so if I do get approached by a 24 year old guy they assume I’m also 24. Then I tell them my age and they don’t seem bothered by it. Last time I checked 21 is legal so...

 

Nothing wrong with it at all. When I was in my late teens to early 20's, I was constantly getting checked out by older women. I enjoyed it, so did they.

 

As long as you don't have any bad intentions, go and enjoy yourself.

[mark clemson]

"Is it wrong...?" Not at all IMO.

[Mr. Lucky]

As long as you don't have any bad intentions, go and enjoy yourself.

 

The few friends I had at that age that dated older women were pretty much counting on bad intentions...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Kitty Tantrum]

Completely wrong. Wrongity wrong WRONG.

 

[Eternal Sunshine]

For FWB and flings, I always go for younger guys. They are fascinated by older women and are too young to be ageist. They have always treated me better than men my own age. They can also go all night, every night

[Blind-Sided]

I had a few friends when I was in my early 20's that did like older girls. A few was just for a good time. One got married to a older woman. (Significantly older) In his case... I think he was looking for a mom since his was very... un-motherly? Heck... she had kids that were 14 and 16... my buddy was 22 or 23. (Then he abandoned his other friends) He's tried to reach out now and reconnect... but it's been... oh... 25 years... so I have no intentions of talking to him anymore. (Life is too short for other people's crap)

 

 

Anyway... it's normal for people to look at younger partners. Biologically speaking... it's the best chance to keep the species alive. It's really only up to you to know if it's appropriate.

[basil67]

Hey, I'm in my 50's and find some 20yo guys attractive. But I'm invisible to them in my middle age......

[Watercolors]

Sure. As long as you don't mind them staying home all the time to play video games and watch Harry Potter marathons on TBS.

 

If your long term goal is to have fun, casual flings then sure go for it.

If your long term goal is to find a husband who is financially stable, unless the young guy is a doctor, lawyer, or hedgefund guru, then I don't think it would be a good idea. Men in their 20s are still 'kids' who are finding themselves. They aren't emotionally mature or dependable or reliable. As long as you remember that going in, you'll be fine.

[Cindylee]

So, a younger man would never settle down or date a woman who is 12 years older??? They just want to bang them? Is it the whole student teacher fantasy or something? Heck when I see a younger guy who is 22 I’m just thinking what a beautiful man he is with this boyish looks.

[mark clemson]

Some might be ok with settling down. But they may not be very reliable, etc. I suspect that that one who actually marries an old woman either A) has a thing for older women or B) probably the type who is happy to have any woman and is not necessarily thinking things through fully in terms of life plans (you will will hit menopause while he is still very active, etc). Neither of these things is inherently wrong, just noting.

 

I think the point about people at this age still being the process of finding themselves is quite valid and that is why you will probably find only a few willing to start a family with you.

[major_merrick]

Not wrong. But for having a family, it might not work out as well. Older men and younger women is the typical pattern since the guy will have more money and the girl will still have plenty of childbearing years left. For something short or uncommitted, I really don't think there's much of an issue with age gaps.

[basil67]

So, a younger man would never settle down or date a woman who is 12 years older??? They just want to bang them? Is it the whole student teacher fantasy or something? Heck when I see a younger guy who is 22 I’m just thinking what a beautiful man he is with this boyish looks.

 

"Would never" is quite the absolute there. I can't urge you strongly enough to avoid absolutes when thinking about human behaviour because there's so much diversity out there.

 

Yes, of course some younger men would date or settle down with an older woman. The question is whether or not it's a sensible choice for either of them.