Arsha Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 How important is a person's weight when it comes to their dating options? To what extent does it limit dating options by itself? Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 everyone has their own preferences. But generally speaking if you are fat most people arent interested 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JEG88 Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 Up to preference. For myself, I’m big into fitness and nutrition, so if someone has a bad diet and/or is overweight, it’s a definitive dealbreaker for me. For my preference, it just tells me they don’t value health and fitness in the same way I do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 Generally being slim and in good shape lends itself to better prospects on the dating front, one would imagine people should strive for a healthy weight anyway in terms of their own physical and mental health, I have read some posters on here saying they prefer heavy women though so perhaps there is a market for all Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 Definitely individual but I did note my exW who was on the heavier side had no problem attracting three husbands and has now been living with a pretty wiry guy since we divorced a decade ago. She's 60 now and continuously with a man and married since 18 until she divorced me. Pretty simple... she likes men and likes sex and is pretty sharp in business and can cook. Men like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 yes it is for almost everyone. And yes it limits you....so ya better hit the gym. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 I've dated women from 98 lbs. to 305 lbs. A woman's weight has never been a factor for me. In the end, its how I am treated by the woman that matters to me. For the record, I had a great time dating the 305 lbs. woman, she was fun to be around and we enjoyed each other's company. We dated until her job transferred her half way across the country, so that kind of ended it. It really depends on the person you are trying to date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 It really depends on the individual. I don't care about weight, height, financial status, baldness, missing limbs, speech impediment, to name a few. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Weight is personal preference. Just because someone is thin, doesn't mean they are a good person. It's wrong to conflate a person's weight with their personality. Someone can be overweight and be the coolest person, or someone can be thin, and be a real douche bag. It just depends. I recently went on a few dates with an artist/filmmaker guy who is on the chubby side because I was drawn to his personality. But he lives in another country and I don't do long distance relationships. So, we had a few fun dates but then he went back to his county and that ended our connection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 I would say it is very important. You’re going to have fewer options if you are overweight, especially if you are a woman. But at the same time...somebody who accepts you when you are overweight might be more accepting of you in other situations as well. For instance if you had health problems or if you had an accident that left you disabled or whatever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystyry Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 I think context matters too. For example if you are meeting an OLD date for the first time and have a preference for thiner people, you would feel less attraction if they are on the heavier side. If, however, you start as friends and develop attraction, it may not matter that much at all. I do think weight is important in as much as it will limit your options, as posters above have noted. Those, for whom it is not an attraction factor, will not care, but people who will may write a date off based on lifestyle or health factors. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 everyone has their own preferences. But generally speaking if you are fat most people arent interested indeed frus69...skinny people want to date skinny people and fat people want to date skinny people a skinny person can wear a fat suit to make themselves appear fat. a fat person cannot put on a skinny suit to appear skinny. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Its important to note... Women are particularly guilty(men too, but probably to a lesser extent), of whipping themselves into shape when they are single to fall back into the 'real" them after they land a mate...Then comes the "he should love me for who I am"... Gaining weight is almost natural as we age(I say this as a man in his 50's who wears about the same size pants he has since college), but few would ever do what I do to maintain my level of fitness and its probably admittedly unhealthy....so I guess everything is somewhat relative...No one really expects everyone to be svelte as they were when younger...for most its impractical..I know some women are maintaining quite a great physique for their age, but some guys are a bit unrealistic to think that a typical mid 40's woman that has had kids is going to have a tight ass and body, etc...its unrealistic, as I said.. My only point here is this... If you are heavy, and that is what is your "normal" then I would either suggest you try to find someone for you that fits that criteria and is comfortable with your size....If you take advice from others that say you should "whip yourself into shape", that's great, but that is the body you are selling to the available partner..Realize that now you will have to maintain that look/body literally for the life of the relationship...Which could be decades or more... .If you fall back after a short time to who you really are, then its just another bait and switch"....I mean no woman would be happy if the high powered attorney she married decided after landing a woman that the job was too stressful and he'd have to turn in the BMW because hed be more comfortable stocking shelves at Home Depot...Its the same thing really... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Personal preference, but it's a dealbreaker for me. I've been chubby/fat at different points in my life, so I totally get the struggle that can come with it. That said, I like to be active, whether it's weight training or even just going for long walks, if nothing else. I'll indulge in some garbage food weekly, but for the most part, I stay conscious of my food choices and keep track of them each day. I can definitely start to reflect the habits of people I keep company with, though, so for all of those reasons, it's important for me to pair up with someone who is also physically active and pays attention to their nutrition. I've dated some heavier women (by normal standards) in my time, so I've given it a shot. But between some of the irrational insecurities that seep into the relationship and the lifestyle incompatibilities, it just doesn't work out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Arsha, Your multiple posts suggest you are not coming here for guidance , rather for research. What is the research and for whom? Link to post Share on other sites
Kelliousme Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Important. I'm a woman. I would never date scrawny skinny men. I don't think I'll ever feel "safe" with them Overweight is fine, as long as it doesn't reach obesity. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 I'm attracted to women of all shapes and sizes but I draw the line past curvy (i.e. a "few extra pounds") as I'm just not attracted to obese women. And, I have to pay attention when dating a "curvy" woman to see if our lifestyles mesh up. I was with a woman for around six months who was incredibly curvy and attractive when we first met but she gained a lot of weight (>40lbs) over the time we dated. It was an incredibly difficult situation for both of us as I did care about her but my libido crashed in a hurry. It wasn't due to medication or birth control; she just wasn't active and she was overeating in a big way. I felt awful when I called it off with her but our sex life was nonexistent for a month and a half, there were arguments about it and no solution in sight. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 It's a factor for me, but a few extra pounds is fine and I prefer curves to skinny, or more precisely toned and in shape with curves. Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Weight matters to me. My ex-H was slim when we met, but struggled with his weight terribly for most of the 18 years that we were together. I was unfortunately not attracted to him at all when he was heavy (and he was significantly overweight in the 245 lbs. range). But part of that was that he is really hairy and he just wasn't my ideal in any respect. If only I could do it all over again, my selection process would have been very different but not just because of his weight. My current partner is not only slim but works out multiple times a week and has an amazing body. He is built like a Roman statue. He has an amazingly flat stomach. I too work out (and maintain my weight and workouts and have since well before I met him and was when I was married, and post divorce). Our focus on fitness and staying slim allows us to do a lot of sports activities together. All of that being said...if he gained weight, I believe I would still be attracted to him as he appeals to me on all levels - intellectual, emotional, physical. But, weight matters and I really appreciate that he is in such great shape, and I work very hard to keep myself slim also and don't eat things that would cause me to gain weight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 I'm attracted to women of all shapes and sizes but I draw the line past curvy (i.e. a "few extra pounds") as I'm just not attracted to obese women. And, I have to pay attention when dating a "curvy" woman to see if our lifestyles mesh up. I was with a woman for around six months who was incredibly curvy and attractive when we first met but she gained a lot of weight (>40lbs) over the time we dated. It was an incredibly difficult situation for both of us as I did care about her but my libido crashed in a hurry. It wasn't due to medication or birth control; she just wasn't active and she was overeating in a big way. I felt awful when I called it off with her but our sex life was nonexistent for a month and a half, there were arguments about it and no solution in sight. I've always dated skinny girls OAH and I've never had any of them noticeably gain weight. But then again I usually dump them after 3 to 6 months so that could be the reason 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Weight unfortunately for me, is a dealbreaker. I would go out with a skinny guy, and average guy (in the weight department) and a guy who is a little overweight, but never a man who was obese. I have two guy friends who go out with big girls. I asked both of them why they go for the bigger girls than the thinner ones. The first, I found out, likes bigger girls because he wants to be the center of their universe and he gets that by being with the bigger girls. I used to be 40 lbs heavier than I am now, he was actually friendlier with me when I was fatter but after I dropped the weight he friendzoned me (which is fine with me). The other? He said all of the skinny women are bitchy - except for me. True? Well, having once been 40 lbs fatter than I was, I am here to tell you that obesity can and does chip away at your physical and your mental health. A friend of mine said to me after I dropped the weight that I had changed, I was different now. And I realized that was right - I was quicker to anger, felt sick at all times, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 I would say it is very important. You’re going to have fewer options if you are overweight, especially if you are a woman. But at the same time...somebody who accepts you when you are overweight might be more accepting of you in other situations as well. For instance if you had health problems or if you had an accident that left you disabled or whatever. I agree with Veronica. Women like someone who's not too fussy about weight, because they tend to think ahead. Women try to be wise and pick a guy who's not too superficial. indeed frus69...skinny people want to date skinny people and fat people want to date skinny people I don't think so. People like opposites. I'm petite, and I like tall! I've been with normal size/slim, muscular and a bit heavier... as long as there's attraction, I don't care about size much. Also, visual perception can be deceiving, because fat can be distributed differently and in some people it's more noticeable than on others. a skinny person can wear a fat suit to make themselves appear fat. a fat person cannot put on a skinny suit to appear skinny. This is to say what? A skinny person might not be able to put on weight no matter what the effort, while a fat person can always lose weight (I'm not talking about the morbidly obese). Important. I'm a woman. I would never date scrawny skinny men. I don't think I'll ever feel "safe" with them Overweight is fine, as long as it doesn't reach obesity. I tend to side with you on this. Too skinny doesn't appeal to me, unless he has other qualities Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 Generally, weight is less important than most people think it is. An unhealthy level of obese is unattractive to most people, but I do see people (mostly women, sadly) that get really sensitive and stressed over a little extra weight or not being able to achieve the "perfect" shape when they really don't need to worry. Some people on this board are pretty strict with their preferences regarding size, and others are not. Some prefer the heavier side, some prefer skinny. And that's OK - as long as you're healthy (even if on the larger side), someone will like your shape. My ex was overweight but it never stopped me finding her attractive. My current partner is quite skinny but toned nicely, and I also find her attractive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 Weight unfortunately for me, is a dealbreaker. I would go out with a skinny guy, and average guy (in the weight department) and a guy who is a little overweight, but never a man who was obese. I have two guy friends who go out with big girls. I asked both of them why they go for the bigger girls than the thinner ones. The first, I found out, likes bigger girls because he wants to be the center of their universe and he gets that by being with the bigger girls. I used to be 40 lbs heavier than I am now, he was actually friendlier with me when I was fatter but after I dropped the weight he friendzoned me (which is fine with me). The other? He said all of the skinny women are bitchy - except for me. True? Well, having once been 40 lbs fatter than I was, I am here to tell you that obesity can and does chip away at your physical and your mental health. A friend of mine said to me after I dropped the weight that I had changed, I was different now. And I realized that was right - I was quicker to anger, felt sick at all times, etc. Even though the op's left the building , MC what made you feel sick and all the changes ? Did you really do it hard , self torture to lose the weight or ? My ex lost around 20kg and you couldn't stop her after that, heaps of energy but she'd turned into a bit of a slob before hand back when she let herself go. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 People equate being overweight to being unhealthy. Unhealthy isn’t a quality most people look for in a mate. Link to post Share on other sites
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