jnfrstn Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 My BF and I have been together for 4 years. I am a single mother of a 6 year old boy. My BF and I don't live together, nor do we spend the night at each others houses to often (1-2 a year). We are very serious about each other. Our first 2 years were up and down. We have been on a good track since then. Problem? He doesn't want to get married "right now". "I'm just not ready yet". "I like having my space" (yeah, so do I). He's amazingly involved with me and my son (since he was 2 years old). My son asked to call him "dad" and BF said yes. He doesn't know any different. He says that he loves us and doesn't ever want to be without us...yet "isn't ready" to get married? He financially invests in us, nice gifts, helps me out if I'm in a bind, etc. It's so hard to leave because he is the only dad my son has ever known. And I love him. Can't imagine our lives apart. I want to get married. It's time to share our live together. When I try to be satisfied with the way things are now...I find myself pulling away. Things are difficult between us; largely because I don't invest myself fully in the relationship. But when we decided to make a go of it and put all of ourselves into it...funny me, I want it to move forward. I'm tired of being a family living separately. I don't feel an ultimatum is right, b/c how can I leave him? I really do love him; and I could never explain that to my son. Please help. I'm sure I've omitted helpful information, please respond. Is he really "just not that into me"??? Link to post Share on other sites
Tamrick Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 I really don't know how "into you" he is. You have clearly talked about marriage but you need to ask him if he will ever be "ready" for marriage and also what would have to happen for him to be ready - does he want more money? would you have to live closer? does he just need to be older? He should be able to tell you when he thinks he will be ready in some terms. If he can't he needs to go and think about it and tell you. The "I like my space" is a bit dangerous cause it is an excuse - you can definitely be married and still have space if you organise it correctly. Link to post Share on other sites
missmolly Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 Are you sure he's strait? J/K I would have a serious talk with him. It sounds kind of like he is wanting all of the benefits of being a dad and having you there, but doesn't want to commit. Are you sure he is strait? Link to post Share on other sites
jnfrstn Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Yes, he's very straight. I've thought the very same thing "all of the recognition and appreciation of being a dad without ALL of the responsibility". Now, it would be unfair of me not to say that he does monetarily support us at times. Bought my son's school uniforms, attends baseball games, etc. He's 35 years old. How much older does he need to be. I agree with the fact that "my own space" can definitely be organized properly. Because, let's face it - we all need our own space. we've talked since I've posted this and I've told him that I want to get married by "X" date. Now, I've tried the backing off thing and that seems to really strain our relationship (on both sides). So, I suppose my only other option is to push for what I want. I just can't see letting it go. I do love him. But if he honestly can't commit to a date then should I just keep waiting until he's "ready"? I feel that it makes everything his decision. Or should I just say - I'm going to see what else is out there. I think that you should want to marry that other person. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 If you want him to vanish from your life, then keep pushing marriage. I know of a couple that lived together for the better part of 35 years (until she died of cancer) who never got officially married. But that certainly didn't mean that they weren't commited to one another. What, exactly, do you expect to change once marriage vows are exchanged? Since he's already given you ample evidence that he's commited to you and your kids, why bother going to all the expense & stress? Link to post Share on other sites
jnfrstn Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Slubber, we don't live together. I do want marriage for the sake of having "a marriage". But moreover, I want the family life together. No more, his place, my place. Even my 6-year old son (through no encouragement from me) has expressed time and time again that he wants to move in together. This was before we even started discussing marriage! He knows. A live together is what I want. Link to post Share on other sites
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