purplesoccer34 Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Recently, I've been thinking about every single thing I've ever done in my life, and have been feeling terribly guilty about things I've done years ago. This is the biggest one. Two years ago, I met a guy who told me he was in an open relationship. He and I had incredible chemistry, so I slept with him a few times, at the time thinking there was nothing wrong with it. Yes, I know he was in an open relationship, so technically I guess neither of us did anything wrong, but I still feel incredibly guilty when I think about it. I've just never done that kind of thing before - it was very out of character for me. I suppose I always had thoughts about what his gf could have really been feeling about it. What if there was a possibility that she could have been jealous? I'm not sure, I just trusted that he was honest with her about everything, and it sounded like he was. Anyway, after about 2 months of that, I decided I could never ever become involved with anyone who's nothing other than single and totally available. The guilt still gets to me - the guilt over the fact that deep down, I did something very wrong. Another time, I met a married man who I got along well with as friends. One day, he insisted on meeting up for dinner - just as friends. I thought there could be nothing wrong with this, considering I have several platonic male friends. However, when he started flirting with me I felt ashamed and got out of there as soon as possible. I still think about this, and feel guilty about hanging out with him one-on-one. I think about his wife and kids and tell myself that this never would have happened had I just declined his invitation to meet up. I find myself always ruminating and feeling guilty about things. I overthink a lot, and often obsess over how my actions could impact others. Sometimes I feel like I just don't deserve anything good, because of things I've done in the past. How do I get over this? Would therapy be helpful for something like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 Everyone, myself included, has a long list of mistakes, errors in judgment and occasional bouts of outright selfishness. This fallibility is part of our humanity. The important takeaway is to learn something from these experiences - touch fire, get burnt. You seem to have done so, not sure why you're being so hard on yourself? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 At least you learned something. So it wasn't all for naught. I don't know what made you override your ethics. Maybe you'd just never thought it through before. But anyway, you now know you have ethics and need to stick with them and let them be your guide. I will say even if you only do it with someone single, they might get hurt because they fall for you and you're not really available, so.... Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted September 2, 2019 Share Posted September 2, 2019 no need to feel guilty, you simply had experiences and are living life as opposed to sitting at home and letting life pass you by, these experiences will help shape you in the long term and help you to better understand yourself and what you want for the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purplesoccer34 Posted September 2, 2019 Author Share Posted September 2, 2019 Thanks - I suppose I just need to learn to manage my emotions better. It's true that mistakes are a part of life. The first experience particularly haunts me because looking back, I don't even know if he was fully honest about being in an open relationship. I just believed whatever he told me. But yeah, that was two years ago, so no use in ruminating anymore. I did learn that being involved in that sort of thing just doesn't work for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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