Are you happy?

[MetallicHue]

I’ve seen here very recently a post about you have to be happy with yourself to find a successful relationship. Maybe I’m misinterpreting what others are saying but I’ve never loved myself and never will. I think by helping others in life that is what I should be doing. I gain happiness from others and can still enjoy things by myself too. But I am not and never will be innately happy. So I tee up for question how do you define happiness for yourself and are you really happy?

[alphamale]

...how do you define happiness for yourself and are you really happy?

 

for me: health + family = happiness

 

so yes I am happy

[Ruby Slippers]

I heard a smart person on YouTube say the other day, "You can only love someone as much as you love yourself."

 

I think this is true.

 

The way you treat yourself sets the tone for how other people treat you, and this determines the quality of your relationships.

 

Personally, I'm happier single and doing my thing than coupled up with a mediocre match. I enjoy my own company and only associate with people whose company I truly enjoy.

[Mr. Lucky]

So I tee up for question how do you define happiness for yourself and are you really happy?

 

I think alphamale's equation nailed it for most of us.

 

I tend to look at life as building a platform from which happiness is possible. No guarantees, but putting yourself in the right position gives you the best chance.

 

never will be innately happy.

 

Smacks a little bit of self-fulfilling prophecy. Some part of happiness comes from the expectation that it's deserved...

 

Mr. Lucky

[preraph]

^ That's a very good concept, Ruby. I've never thought of it quite like that, but I agree.

 

When I was a young adult, I was often melancholy and sad and depressed, but I was also excited and happy and exploring the world. Depression certainly had me down quite a lot, but I just wouldn't let it disable me when I was young. I had too much going on to truly isolate, but I did isolate in my mind.

 

When middle aged, I had a huge bout of depression over specific events that did disable me for a long time and with emotional ptsd. Just a rough patch of life I didn't take well at all. I eventually got back to myself.

 

Despite intermittent depression when younger, brought on by unrequited love or career problems, underneath I am a fundamentally happy, interested, grateful to be alive person.

 

Even now, old and crippled up and facing uncertain times probably alone in my old age, I still have weeks when I just have this irrational feeling that something good is about to happen. It rarely does, but at least I don't wake up feeling doomed. I often feel something great is just around the corner, even though the likelihood of that being the case is pretty much nil. I remember when I was in college having feelings like that as well, and along would come a great opportunity, like caretaking a ranch or something like that, just when me and my roommate were lost as to what to do next, where to live.

 

The last couple of months, I've had this hopeful feeling about this little lakehouse I'm irrationally obsessed with. The one thing I didn't accomplish of my true goals was to have a getaway, a refuge on the lake or by a creek in the country. There's this one place that is too far away to be practical and for some reason I am just obsessed wanting it. I'd have to sell my house to do so. That's not what I want. It went off the market and then now is back on and cheaper. I just can't get it off my mind and there's times I just think I'll somehow get it. It's not even in the right location to be any practical use. If it was, I might have sold my house to get it. But every day I think about it and halfway expect it to materialize. I keep looking other places trying to switch over to one that's more doable.

 

So now I just get that feeling, but nothing extraordinary materializes. I've always pretty much had to make things happen for myself, like life necessitates. I've often felt I had to jump on the back of life trying to beat it into submission just to do what I needed to do to get by. So many obstacles.

 

Last night, I had a horrible nightmare. It was me and my sister in a field. There was a highway in the distant about a quarter mile. We were on the grass putting things into our respective large flat kind of portfolio like carriers. I had my phone and ID in there.

 

All of a sudden I looked over my shoulder to see an enormous (volcano sized) billow of massive flames blowing out toward our direction. It was a plane explosion but the plane was still flying -- towards us, over our heads very low. It was terrifying. I told my sister to run toward the highway because the plane was heading toward an airport and I knew there would be further explosions there. So we ran away toward the highway to get a ride out of the area from there.

 

I think it was an anxiety dream because I have to go to Dept. of Public Safety and get my license renewed this month and feel under pressure about it because there's lines around the buildings and it's 100 degrees and I can't stand more than about 20 minutes. But I did escape and got away and averted disaster. Such is my life.

Edited September 2, 2019 by preraph

[MetallicHue]

I think alphamale's equation nailed it for most of us.

 

I tend to look at life as building a platform from which happiness is possible. No guarantees, but putting yourself in the right position gives you the best chance.

 

Smacks a little bit of self-fulfilling prophecy. Some part of happiness comes from the expectation that it's deserved...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Actually the never will be innately happy was a mistake. I can’t tell the future but I’ve almost never been just innately happy. Probably part of dealing with the bipolar.

 

If you go by the statement you can only love someone else as much as yourself, then that would imply I’ve never loved my wife, my daughter or my two sons. I find that something I cannot agree with.

[Ruby Slippers]

^ That's a very good concept, Ruby. I've never thought of it quite like that, but I agree.

I think it's good that you're hoping and dreaming. I think it's when a person starts sitting around and loses hopes and dreams that life goes downhill fast.

 

If physical limitations are your concern, you can hire people to help with certain things. I say don't let those stand in the way of dreams and ambitions.

 

With age comes wisdom, and I think some people do their finest work and enjoy life the most in older age.

[d0nnivain]

It might not be happy so much as at peace with yourself & comfortable in your own skin.

 

Nobody is happy all the time. It really is more of finding a sense of balance & contentment.

[The Outlaw]

No. I haven't really been 'happy' in a long time, but I'm content and I'll leave it at that.

[preraph]

At some point, you might become happy to be content!

[Happy Lemming]

To answer your question... Yes, I am happy. I have everything I want... a long term girlfriend, good health, a nice home and early retirement.

 

I was happy in my youth. I never wanted to stay in any one place too long and moved around a lot. This action seem to satisfy the nomadic gene in my DNA; which made me both content and happy.

 

I never needed a lot of money or material possessions to be happy.

 

So am I innately happy?? Yes, I am.

[amaysngrace]

I’m happy because all these sh*thead tourists leave today.

 

I’ll be even happier tomorrow especially if it’s a beach day.

[Foxhall]

Lol I do ask myself this question quite regularly,

 

my answer is probably similar to outlaw,

 

I agree with alphamales take on it although I would add in friends also as being important.

 

I am not fully happy,

 

I am happy at the moment I have a few nice women in my life, a few months ago I thought I will probably never get married but now I think there is a good chance I probably will, or at least can have that long term relationship,

 

Also I am happy that I have a fairly flexible work schedule and can earn reasonable money without having to work very long hours,

 

also have a few hobbies and interests going well so am rarely bored,

 

on the downside I continue to miss the friendships I had in my twenties, since a few of us had a falling out and went our separate ways, I have struggled to find as good of friends since,

so while I get on ok with most people, I struggle to get close to them and miss the banter and camaraderie of those old buddies,

so while I am ok as a lone ranger I do miss that banter.

 

so the latter factor is preventing me from saying I am happy, perhaps reasonably content but not completely happy,

 

health I always say is still the most important though.

[Rayce]

In the grand scheme of things I have fleeting moments of happiness. The last 2 years were really good for me but this year so far has not been a very happy one. I find that my life cycles this way and because of that it gives me the strength to push forward. I learned along time ago I love myself otherwise the dark moments in my life would of won out. To me it seems others around me expect perfection and have a hard time when I start having human emotions such as depression. My loved ones have a real hard time when I am depressed. Their response is to alienate me even more. So I usually go with the flow and hope I am learning whatever lesson I need to... waiting for the cycle to improve and it usually does.

[d0nnivain]

I’m happy because all these sh*thead tourists leave today.

 

I’ll be even happier tomorrow especially if it’s a beach day.

 

Stop picking on us bennies. It's gonna ran tomorrow, especially because I have to drive down the shore for work. You have to wait until the end of the week for a beach day.

[Mr. Lucky]

I’ve almost never been just innately happy.

 

Boy, if you go by the literal meaning, is anyone ‘innately’ happy?

 

I think the people we label as positive or optimistic have simply learned strategies and coping mechanisms they employ in healthy ways.

 

In some ways, happy is as happy does...

 

Mr. Lucky

[MetallicHue]

Boy, if you go by the literal meaning, is anyone ‘innately’ happy?

 

I think the people we label as positive or optimistic have simply learned strategies and coping mechanisms they employ in healthy ways.

 

In some ways, happy is as happy does...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I think in both posts you better explained what I was getting at. Yeah I was more saying positive / optimistic just doesn’t come naturally towards me. But to direct it to those outside my life it is much easier.

[Happy Lemming]

@MetallicHue

 

Is there some specific component in your life that is causing you angst or unhappiness??

 

Is there something you need, that you don't have??

[amaysngrace]

Stop picking on us bennies.

 

Bennies don’t bother me...too far north for me to worry about.

 

I’m in cape may county and you’d never believe how many people can pack into one teeny tiny peninsula unless you saw it for yourself.

 

They all seem pretty happy about being here though and at least we like their money.

[amaysngrace]

But to direct it to those outside my life it is much easier.

 

Practicing gratitude is a great way to increase happiness. Being thankful really helps keep things in perspective.

 

It’s so easy to think about what’s wrong rather than what’s good.

[alphamale]

Bennies don’t bother me....

 

wtf is a bennie?

[amaysngrace]

wtf is a bennie?

 

a NY shoobie

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have been too preoccupied with career issues to have much of life in the past year. I will be much happier when I find a less stressful job.

[MetallicHue]

I have been too preoccupied with career issues to have much of life in the past year. I will be much happier when I find a less stressful job.

 

I second that. Career issues suck. Being forced to resign by nasty boss and then landing temp job only has been stressful. Best of luck with your job search.

[Kitty Tantrum]

I've never bought into the idea of happiness as an overall/static/consistent state of being.

 

Happiness is one of many feelings that I will typically experience on any given day, but not necessarily EVERY day - and that's fine by me.

 

The idea that when you peel away all those other feelings, happiness should be what you find at the center of it all... rings hollow for me. The idea that we should PURSUE happiness has always seemed like the basis for effective marketing rather than a noble or healthy goal

 

Everyone asks "are you HAPPY?" as if it is presumed that everyone ought to be - or at least striving to be.

 

But what about "are you angry?"

 

What about "are you sad?"

 

What about "are you scared?"

 

We need ALL of these. I have known far too many people who have chased happiness during seasons and events in their lives when fear or anger would have served them far better.

 

I'm happy just as often as I have a good reason to be. Personally, I find that the most vivacious thrill in life is NOT in happiness, but in DETERMINATION.

 

I certainly don't wake up feeling happy most mornings, but that doesn't mean I'm depressed. I wake up with a fire in my heart that says: fight, struggle, overcome! Grapple with the difficult realities of mortal existence! Happiness is a fleeting victory before the next battle starts.