Tricky46 Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Hi All, I'm 46 and my ex-girlfriend is 29. So here is the thing my ex dumped me 6 weeks ago, we had been dating for just over 4 months. At the time of being dumped we had both found out two weeks prior that she was 6 weeks pregnant. I did not know about NC at this time and did some begging for her not to have an abortion and told her how much I loved her, not to too much yet I found myself getting blocked on all platforms. To the best of my knowledge, she ended the pregnancy. 3 weeks passed and I saw that I had been unblocked on Instagram, I left it yet as a fool I am I messaged her 3 days later breaking NC doh! I did not beg just checked in to see if she was okay, she seemed good and told me she was very happy it was all over and was quite frosty with her replies. At the end of the conversation, I said “So that's it is it, goodbye” to which her reply was “I thought it was a goodbye 3 weeks ago” I got a bit mad at her reply and told her to remove my images from IG and basically told her to F&*K off and was quite rude to her. I thought that was it, I'm never going to hear from her again. You guessed it blocked once again. 2 weeks have just passed and I did NC again, this being the longest time of NC. Last night I checked her Instagram account, oh I'm unblocked again, Shocker! She has also added a new story (which she never does) so I am thinking it is “clickbait” for me, I got a friend she does not know to view it, looks like she went away for the weekend. Now here is the Kicker, 1 hour after she posted a story I get an Instagram message just saying “I Love You.” is she breadcrumbing me or throwing me a couple of slices? I have yet to reply and would really welcome all your feedback Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 So did she actually end the pregnancy? If she did that with absolutely no consideration for your feelings then i'd say stay well away from her. She sounds cold and heartless. I also wouldn't read too much into that message. It's highly likely that she was drunk. Don't let her mess you around. Ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Do not go back with this person. She’s blocked you repeatedly and terminated a pregnancy without even consulting you. I suggest going no contact for good and moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Stop checking her Instagram. It prevents you from healing and moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 NC is designed to stop you getting caught up in the usual nonsense that surrounds a break up. It allows you to move cleanly on. Second chances rarely work, the stuff that broke you up hasn't gone away and it usually just falls apart again. She dumped you after only 4 months. In time of trouble she did not feel the urge to turn to you, did she? Forget her is my advice. NC and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 No Contact is not a "Noun", or some kind of "Thing" that you turn on and off. The way a lot of PUA's and "Coaches" present it,...it's like some kind of childish game. It is no more complicated than this: If you break up with someone then there is no real reason to contact them,...so you don't. You are supposed to be moving on to the next one you are going to date, and since you are going to be contacting THEM there is no reason to contact the Ex. But if the Ex contracts you then you should be a decent human being and respond to them in a proper manner. If the Ex contacts you in a social manner (not a "business only" manner) and you want to see them then make a date offer. It you don't want to see them than don't. It is NOT some kind of contest or Chess game. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tricky46 Posted September 3, 2019 Author Share Posted September 3, 2019 Thanks for all your replies, the problem is we broke up because she said I was drinking too much and sometimes she would wind me up and I would be verbally rude to her (this probably only happened 4 / 5 times) it is something I am not proud of and have since stopped drinking. After the break up she text messages (replying to my out-reach) "You are just not the man of my dreams, yet I thought you was" "You just don't make me Happy" "I can do better than you" "I am HAPPY it's over, in fact I am REALLY HAPPY it's over" I'm totally lost as I feel the break up was my fault! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Thanks for all your replies, the problem is we broke up because she said I was drinking too much and sometimes she would wind me up and I would be verbally rude to her (this probably only happened 4 / 5 times) it is something I am not proud of and have since stopped drinking.[/quoTE] Verbally abusing her 4-5x in the space of only 4 months is a big deal and as for the drinking I am glad you have stopped. Women tend not to forget when you make them unhappy, the slate is not just magically wiped clean and you cannot just pick up where you left off. Your actions had consequences. You were not considered father material, how could she bring a baby into that mess? A guy drinking too much and a guy abusive when drunk... My guess trust is gone, she cannot trust you to behave... Next woman, try to not make the same mistakes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tricky46 Posted September 3, 2019 Author Share Posted September 3, 2019 Verbally abusing her 4-5x in the space of only 4 months is a big deal and as for the drinking I am glad you have stopped. Women tend not to forget when you make them unhappy, the slate is not just magically wiped clean and you cannot just pick up where you left off. Your actions had consequences. You were not considered father material, how could she bring a baby into that mess? A guy drinking too much and a guy abusive when drunk... My guess trust is gone, she cannot trust you to behave... Next woman, try to not make the same mistakes. I totally understand this and I am very ashamed of my actions and myself, she said the same as you about bringing a baby into a world like that. I would not say I was a drunk, I was just drinking too much and at times was rude to her, I have now not had a drink for over a month and aim to continue abstinence. Yet my questions is, why yesterday un-block me and send me a message saying "I Love You" after 2 weeks of me making NC! This might seem she wants to give the relationship another chance? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 I agree with what Elaine says above. I would also say that her toying with you with ILY texts is unfair to you. It was either a moment of weakness on her part or, more likely, manipulation. Possibly she manipulates unconsciously, but it is still that nonetheless. There's no reason to put up with hot/cold. IF you really want her back, respond asking if she wants to restart the relationship. The answer will probably be no or not sure. You can take it from there. If you want the relationship insist on that or nothing. Be polite and kind about it but explain that it's not fair to you to be in limbo. It's most likely to actually work IMO (if anything will) and shows you have a spine without all this drunken Mr. nasty you were hitting. I agree with the others that the easiest and most probable to work thing here is to just walk away and start over; learning from your mistakes this time. Hopefully you will remember AND the next girl will trigger you less - a win overall. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Is drinking a recurrent problem for you. What triggered it this time? New relationship you should have been on cloud nine, instead you were drinking to excess and taking your temper out on your new gf... Why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tricky46 Posted September 3, 2019 Author Share Posted September 3, 2019 Is drinking a recurrent problem for you. What triggered it this time? New relationship you should have been on cloud nine, instead you were drinking to excess and taking your temper out on your new gf... Why? I used to drink most days, after work to de-stress, about 3 / 4 beers. I think I started to drink a bit more 2 months into the relationship as I was getting stressed with things in our relationship, what really I don't know. I also went from smoking 15 a day to 30+... not the best couple of months of my life as far as treating my body well. Like you said it should have been the honeymoon period yet it did not seem that way at times, she put a lot of pressure on moving the relationship forward quite quickly and I am sure she was messaging an ex also - just a gut feeling! I got a message one day saying that "I have a beautiful life" that was defiantly not meant for me. 4 days later I get two deleted messages on what's app! It was stressful. Yet I am a very positive thinker and do believe life is what we make it I'm still lost! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tricky46 Posted September 3, 2019 Author Share Posted September 3, 2019 I have now just checked Instagram again, and for not reading her message or replying to her I'm Blocked Again in less than 12 hours!!! WTF Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Go to the Chump Lady's website and look up the 180. It's a program designed to help you detach from your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 This is hot/cold manipulation or possibly strongly mixed feelings on her part (the two are not mutually exclusive). Forget what I send before - agree you need to end this. This girl is very likely to just keep bringing out the worst in you IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 I have now just checked Instagram again, and for not reading her message or replying to her I'm Blocked Again in less than 12 hours!!! WTF Leave it at that. Don't look at it again. As I said before she was likely drunk when she sent that msg or it was sent to you by mistake. Draw a line under this and learn from it for the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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