There IS Hope

[Beautylife]

It has been 2.5 months of NC with my MM. The devastation is still there and I still cry BUT it has gotten better. My heart is still broken but I am focusing on me. I am a good person who got sucked up in something that is not who I am. We ended it because his wife saw an innocent text and questioned who I was. That was all he needed to put an end to this. We are so lucky because neither of our spouses ended up hurt. It was 21 months that vacillated from the happiest of moments all the way to the depths of despair and low self esteem.

 

I will miss him forever but I don't want to be second to anyone. Not worth it. I also feel so badly to his wife. She didn't deserve that. My spouse and I are not sexually intimate so my guilt wasn't nearly what it would have been.

 

I'm not healed yet but have learned so much. I truly love him but our timing isn't right. Thank you for reading. May any of you in the throes of sadness know that it will get better. My love for him will never end though.

[Amethyst68]

We ended it because his wife saw an innocent text and questioned who I was. That was all he needed to put an end to this. We are so lucky because neither of our spouses ended up hurt.

....

 

I will miss him forever but I don't want to be second to anyone. Not worth it. I also feel so badly to his wife. She didn't deserve that. My spouse and I are not sexually intimate so my guilt wasn't nearly what it would have been.

 

Presumptuous of you to think his wife hasn't been hurt. This woman found a text which was enough for her to written MM's actions, you have no idea what she was going through then or now. If you've truly gone NC you don't know what this man has told his wife, for all you know she may know everything.

 

As for your husband, you say your guilt is not as bad - I wonder what your husband would think? Why keep him hanging on if your love for this MM will never end? I would advise you to stop romanticising your MM and this affair, you won't move on for real until you do.

[Zona]

 

I will miss him forever but I don't want to be second to anyone. Not worth it.

 

What about your husband? Sounds like you would have left him if things worked out with AP, so doesn't that make him your second, and basically plan B?

[pepperbird]

OP,

I'm glad your A is over and that you are taking stock. That's a smart move on your part, and I hope it gives you some insight into yourself.

 

 

 

My question to you is why his wife's feelings and your husband's didn't matter until the affair was over. Did you really not care, or were you just sort of putting that into a separate box to be addressed later?

[FMW]

It's great your affair is over.

 

If you're not intimate with your husband it seems likely that the temptation will arise again though, if not with the same MM again then another. I know it probably seems like you were just meant to be together, but it's more likely a situational thing, meeting at the right time when you were both open to something. I'm not saying you don't really love him, but he's probably not a once in a lifetime match.

 

Use this physical freedom from the affair to take a hard look at yourself and your marriage. Something needs to be addressed somewhere or this most likely will not be a one time thing.

 

The questions the others have posed about not thinking about how the spouses would feel is part of that fantasy escape. Figure out why you were so eager to dive into the fantasy without much thought to anything or anyone else.

 

Good luck.

[mark clemson]

IMy spouse and I are not sexually intimate so my guilt wasn't nearly what it would have been.

 

 

Interesting. I am the converse - my AP and I were not intimate ("pure" EA) and therefore my guilt is minimal.

 

I do not know your situation (medical issue, etc) but no intimacy with your H sounds like a recipe for unhappiness. Agree with FMW's suggestion to re-examine your marriage, it sounds like it might need some real improvement for you to be happy in it.