Feeling super insecure and nervous

[Springsummer]

Wondering how I can overcome insecurity and nervousness and start talking and get to know someone in the workplace(different work areas and teams)? because that person is like a perfect specimen in the look department, so much so I will ask Brat Pitt who?

 

Strangely though, I am quite friendly with a few members of his team and I think I am liked. I don't have any trouble being social with them like I with him. Probably I am care-free with them but I can't act normal with him... I am starting to suspect maybe he likes me too(but I could be just imaging...)

 

I feel inadequate when comparing in the look department. I am short(5'2') while he is so tall, but not too tall. and I feel he most likely younger than me in age. He has some white hairs, but his face look young and still western guys easily look 10-20 older than their actual age. He makes me aware of all my imperfections.

 

In short, how does one overcome lack of confidence, insecurity and nervous with a particular person? I know, some people will say I place too much emphasis in look. but how can I help it? Maybe he is too much for me...but what can I do that I am only attracted to him?

 

btw, the problem is I have never flirted in my life and don't know how to smile...uptight and serious...

 

Thanks in advance.

[basil67]

Yes, you do place too much emphasis in appearance. But the question is how to overcome the nervousness this problem creates. I'd start by recognising that you are nervous because you seem to have this man on a pedestal. Thing is, despite how he looks, he's just a man. A man who has positive and negative attributes just like everyone else.

 

You say that you don't know how to smile. Is this really true? You've never smiled for a photo or when you're being friendly with the rest of the team? You never smile when you're alone online and find a cute animal video? You don't smile when greeting someone you're fond of?

[mark clemson]

It's normal to feel nervous around someone you feel very attracted to. I think once you actually make contact and get on friendly terms with him it will slowly fade as you "get used to him" and become more comfortable.

 

The nervousness helps you avoid "big" mistakes, but it also makes it harder to break the ice. You need to force yourself to be social with him IMO. Bring out your inner actress and try to seem as confident as possible - "cool as a cucumber". Easier said than done, I know.

[chillii]

l dunno about that , back in the single days l couldn't believe most women l met were the age they were suppose to be but l knew for fact only one took off 10yrs the rest were legit , it was pretty scary.

So how do you think you'd look beside him, too old for him or ok ? lf your good for your age it should be fine if he's anywhere near it.

Anyway , afraid there's only one way to start talking to him if he doesn't do something. Just smile a bit say high , see what happens. Don't worry about anything else way too early for that.

Ps , l never get this flirting crap either never flirted with anyone lf l was interested l didn't want pretend games and bs ya can usually just see it if she was interested .

 

 

ps , have his friends mentioned him or asked anything or asked your age ?

Edited September 4, 2019 by chillii
ps

[Blind-Sided]

You see your size as a downfall. There are a lot of guys who absolutely adore short girls. In my younger days... I dated a girl who was all of 4'9". We went out for almost 5 years, and I worked for her father. I really thought she would have been the girl I married... but I found out from her brother (who really liked me) that she was fooling around with someone else.

 

 

OK... that's not important to the story... but you can use short to your advantage. (Nothing to be nervous about)

[stillafool]

I don't see your height as a problem either. It looks like men are getting shorter anyway so I doubt you look that odd next to him. Your height makes them feel taller.

[d0nnivain]

Social skills are just that: SKILLS. You get better with practice.

 

First step is to acknowledge that everyone is nervous & everyone is terrified of making a fool of themselves. They are so much more pre-occupied with themselves then anything you do. So if you are brave enough to say hi, unless these are the means girls in HS, most people will be grateful that you broke the ice.

 

It's not about looks. It's about personality & confidence.

[basil67]

He makes me aware of all my imperfections

 

This just jumped out at me on second read. I assume you mean that you're more aware of your imperfections when you're near him. (The way you've worded it sounds like he's making you feel bad)

 

Always remember that there is no such thing as perfection in nature, and as such, there are no imperfections. Everything in nature is simply unique. Perfection and imperfection only exist in items which have been manufactured.

 

I worry for you. Your desire to seek out a partner who's very presence makes you feel bad about yourself is so self destructive.

[Springsummer]

 

You say that you don't know how to smile. Is this really true? You've never smiled for a photo or when you're being friendly with the rest of the team? You never smile when you're alone online and find a cute animal video? You don't smile when greeting someone you're fond of?

 

I meant... that I can't really smile when I am conscious and nervous about if I have a beautiful smile. Can't smile for photos either.

[Springsummer]

Thanks everyone. I have got some excellent points from all of you. I will keep reminding/hammer in myself of them.

[alphamale]

 

In short, how does one overcome lack of confidence, insecurity and nervous with a particular person? .

 

go to happy hour after work with the team and have a few drinks....but be sure not to drink too much as your coworkers will lose respect for you and you may say something you shouldn't

[Springsummer]

l dunno about that , back in the single days l couldn't believe most women l met were the age they were suppose to be but l knew for fact only one took off 10yrs the rest were legit , it was pretty scary.

So how do you think you'd look beside him, too old for him or ok ? lf your good for your age it should be fine if he's anywhere near it.

Anyway , afraid there's only one way to start talking to him if he doesn't do something. Just smile a bit say high , see what happens. Don't worry about anything else way too early for that.

Ps , l never get this flirting crap either never flirted with anyone lf l was interested l didn't want pretend games and bs ya can usually just see it if she was interested .

 

ps , have his friends mentioned him or asked anything or asked your age ?

 

Like I mentioned in other posts, Asian constantly look 10-20 years younger than white people. I may look young for him but chronologically most likely not. I don't like this.

You are right, I always tend to think too much, too far ahead and worry too much. I should stop that.

[Springsummer]

go to happy hour after work with the team and have a few drinks....but be sure not to drink too much as your coworkers will lose respect for you and you may say something you shouldn't

 

 

I only go lunch with my team. It will be very weird to go with their team. Never happened. I generally only exchange pleasantries with a few of his team members. There are no social interaction among all the teams. Unlike private for profit enterprise, it's a bureaucratic organization. Almost zero organized social activities in the dept and branch.

 

there is a chance though...I am volunteering for selling lottery/draw for charity. so I can go to everyone in his team and ask them if they want to buy the ticket. It's frightening...what if he says no? then he definitely doesn't like me. Then the bubble is burst...

Edited September 5, 2019 by Springsummer

[basil67]

I meant... that I can't really smile when I am conscious and nervous about if I have a beautiful smile. Can't smile for photos either.

 

All smiles are beautiful if they are genuine.

[chillii]

Like I mentioned in other posts, Asian constantly look 10-20 years younger than white people. I may look young for him but chronologically most likely not. I don't like this.

You are right, I always tend to think too much, too far ahead and worry too much. I should stop that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nah l didn't mean you'd might look too young l meant maybe too old as you were worried he was too young.

We have a huge Asian population , some yeah but many nope much the same as most people.

Anyway yep , try not to over think , it messes us up. And yaknow , when we don't even know somebody it's just crazy going past a hi in our minds anyway first of all.

So you gonna break out that cute smile or what

[d0nnivain]

Can't smile for photos either.

 

Practice. I never smiled in photos either. A friend of mine who is a professional photographer worked with me for a year before my wedding to make me comfortable smiling. There are some tricks. First put your tongue on the roof of your mouth. As it stays there it will prevent you from smiling too widely. Stand or sit up straight, shoulders back, head up. Jut your chin out. In women, try to make sure your chin sticks out farther then your boobs so your neck doesn't look wrinkly.

 

You need more practice socializing. Start going to industry events where you have shake hands with new people. The more you do it, the more comfortable you will become. If you see any local seminars on networking or personal branding, attend them. They will teach you these social skills; yet it will be in a business context but they translate well to personal situations.