DKT3 Posted September 5, 2019 Share Posted September 5, 2019 Its unusual for me to post without at least reading all of the OP posts. This one got me pretty early in your opening post, disclaimer I'm posting without reading it all. For women, sex is 70% mental. Dirty talk can be tricky because you can say something that causes her mind to focus on that and completely take her out of the mode. Sexual compatibility is a result of two things matching energy and your ability to read your partner's body. With women there is a third component that happens outside of the bedroom. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 5, 2019 Share Posted September 5, 2019 - Even worse at times instead of talking she will giggle and laugh during sex. I know sex is fun and all but this kills my rhythm at times and I feel it's sometimes inappropriate and annoying My wife ‘giggles and laughs’ before, often during and always after every orgasm. Pretty disconcerting after the dreary seriousness of sex during my first marriage, but certainly made sense upon reflection. Sex is supposed to be an affirming and joyous occasion, right? Done correctly, it’s certainly big fun. Not sure I understand your angst over this... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Biscous Posted September 5, 2019 Author Share Posted September 5, 2019 (edited) My wife ‘giggles and laughs’ before, often during and always after every orgasm. Pretty disconcerting after the dreary seriousness of sex during my first marriage, but certainly made sense upon reflection. Sex is supposed to be an affirming and joyous occasion, right? Done correctly, it’s certainly big fun. Not sure I understand your angst over this... Mr. Lucky Honestly by itself it's fine. She will giggle and I will play along with her now and give her sh*t for it in a playful way. I guess in the context of her sometimes not appearing to be present in the moment it messes with my head. I know it's me in this case. I even joked around with her right after sex. I actually had really good sex with her last night but she sort of frustrated me with a few comments. IDK maybe I'm looking at it wrong. She certainly communicates with me different than other women I met but I can tell she really cares about me and I feel the same about her too! I could just be overthinking things and I just need to communicate with her. Its unusual for me to post without at least reading all of the OP posts. This one got me pretty early in your opening post, disclaimer I'm posting without reading it all. For women, sex is 70% mental. Dirty talk can be tricky because you can say something that causes her mind to focus on that and completely take her out of the mode. Sexual compatibility is a result of two things matching energy and your ability to read your partner's body. With women there is a third component that happens outside of the bedroom. Yeah I see what you mean. Maybe I can get her to say things outside of the bedroom for me. See, the thing is dirty talk doesn't encompass just saying raunchy porn star stuff. Just saying things like "I want you inside me so bad!" or things like that build a level of anticipation for me and desirability. I absolutely love that and it can build so much tension and anticipation for sex. I think I'm explaining it correctly. It's mental for me also not just physical or trying to jackhammer her. Edited September 5, 2019 by Biscous Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 5, 2019 Share Posted September 5, 2019 So I will try 69 more and to say what I wanna say. Honestly it just makes me self conscious when she's quiet and it makes me feel silly/stupid. I think sexuality is just an abstract thing and I frankly don't judge anyone on their kinks. Is she genuinely quiet? I thought you mentioned that she moans a lot, just doesn't talk. I agree that if someone was stone silent the entire time, that would be rather disconcerting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Biscous Posted September 5, 2019 Author Share Posted September 5, 2019 Is she genuinely quiet? I thought you mentioned that she moans a lot, just doesn't talk. I agree that if someone was stone silent the entire time, that would be rather disconcerting. She means. Just doesn't talk. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 7, 2019 Share Posted September 7, 2019 Maybe these are real incompatibilities. She should not have to do oral if she is not feeling like that at the time, neither should you. I'm a woman and I don't like dirty talk. I find it degrading. If I met a guy who was into that, I'd drop him, there would be no question. I can understand your partner does not want to do this and maybe would rather concentrate on how she is feeling (feeling good is important to all of us). Giggling - I don't know, maybe she finds the dirty talk embarassing and does not know how to react to it. You have particular likes that matter to you. Your partner does not happen to share them. You can either accept that, talk to her about it and try to get her to change, or find someone different. I have a feeling that the lack of dirty talk is what really bothers you. I don't know how many women like that but i would think some find it degrading and aggressive. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I like it when my fiancé growls something sexy in my ear while we're doin' it, but add me to the growing list of women who cannot reciprocate in that fashion without slamming on the brakes/shifting gears. Talking engages a totally different part of my brain, and when that part gets going, everything else pretty much shuts down. Not only that, but when I'm really into it, my vocal cords tend to get all tight and it's actually hard to force anything out. If I do, it comes out clipped/halting/almost squeaky. Sometimes he'll ask me "how does that feel?" or "what does that feel like?" when I'm moaning and it's obvious I'm really into it - and I can squeak out "good" - but by the time I do, if I'm being honest, it's not that good anymore because he just put my primal brain (the part that's progressing toward orgasm) on hold to call up the verbal part. I'm obviously not unique in this fashion, and I'd imagine your girl is similar. I'll force some words out occasionally because I know he likes it, but I highly doubt it will ever be something I can do AND get off on. Being expected to talk during sex is a lot like getting a bucket of cold water to the face. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 She means. Just doesn't talk. Why do you feel silly/stupid when she's moaning? Why not "wow, I'm making her feel so good that she can't even form words"? I mean, if you have a kink for dirty talk, there's no shame in that. But your reasons (feeling stupid or insecure) don't sound like a kink to me, so perhaps they can be worked on. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Well I'm a woman who loves dirty talk during sex but a lot of women don't. If she doesn't like it now she never will. As a matter of fact you two are simply incompatible sexually. It will not get any better. Decide now whether you can live this way and if not don't prolong the break up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Monty4321 Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 Maybe dirty talk is a turn-off for her and she doesn't really enjoy it? I personally hate being degraded in sex. Anything that too explicit gets me out of the mood. I feel like I'm being used like an object and I don't like it. I prefer moaning and less talking. Plus I wanna look at their face and eyes. Listen to ur voice and breathlessness, begging more more. The panting....Maybe the occasional, "Does that feel good", "Ur so cute" or "I really want you", or "I love you" comment. Sex thats more caring in a sense. Different strokes for different folks. Maybe ur gf is like me? In terms of the bjs: Well fair concern. I would opt for telling her you are okay with her not doing the dirty talk if she is willing to go down on you. She might say nah but worth a shot If you think of dirty talk as degrading, your sadly mistaken. Dirty talk is simply being sexually vocal. Link to post Share on other sites
Monty4321 Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 - Dirty talk is really challenging for a lot of people. Personally, if I'm really in the zone and close to orgasm, I'm not going to be able to form any sort of coherent sentence, let alone a dirty one. "What's 2+2?" Is a super hard question in that state of mind, lol. This is something that I'd strongly recommend you compromise on unless it's your #1 need. I understand for some people it is hard to talk dirty. But I think most of the time it's due to simply not trying and not caring to try. In reality it's not hard to utter a simple "f**k me" Link to post Share on other sites
Monty4321 Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 I'm a woman and I don't like dirty talk. I find it degrading. If I met a guy who was into that, I'd drop him, there would be no question. I can understand your partner does not want to do this and maybe would rather concentrate on how she is feeling (feeling good is important to all of us). Do you know what dirty talk is? In what world is dirty talk degrading? You should really do a search on Google of dirty talk phrases. Talking dirty is what you make it - it's simply being vocal sexually. If I heard a woman refer to dirty talk as degrading, I'd end a date before it started. Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 Spitting and licking are not the same thing. Spitting is seen as disgusting act, a display of poor manners. Transmission of germs. Kissing and licking the opposite and pleasurable. Yes saliva gets exchanged but it is not a deliberate act rather an unavoidable minor by product that is an involuntary by product. Some people can sell ice to an Eskimo. Gift of gab. Some people do not have the gift of gab when it comes to dirty talk. Sex is give and take. One gives what they can and take what is given. Not take everything that one wants. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 Spitting is also seen as a global sign of contempt, hatred and disrespect... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 I'm not much of a "talker". I'm certainly not silent, but I'm not forming many words, and none of them are "dirty". As other women have posted here, it's distracting and takes me out of the moment. Hearing it also does absolutely nothing positive for me and can at times really be a turnoff. I don't think I would be able to change that about myself, even if I tried really hard. You have a real compatibility issue, as you noted, and you'll have to decide how important it is for you. If you can't accept her differences on this issue without feeling she's neglecting your needs, then you may not have much of a future together. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 I understand for some people it is hard to talk dirty. But I think most of the time it's due to simply not trying and not caring to try. In reality it's not hard to utter a simple "f**k me" I'm not sure how much more clearly some of us can explain that talking actively prevents us from reaching orgasm. If it's more important to you to hear a "**** me" than watch your partner orgasm, then that's your prerogative, but I'm presuming that the OP, like our partners, actually cares about her pleasure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 OP you are simply incompatible and there is no use trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Just stop seeing her and find someone who wants what you want in bed. You will be doing you both a favor. Link to post Share on other sites
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