Is silence his way of ending this?

[c1nderella]

You have no right to be upset. He doesn’t owe you an explanation because he is MARRIED. You should have never even continued to see him after he told you he was married. If he is having issues with his wife that’s his problem and he needs to deal with that. You shouldn’t be in the middle of this as his mistress. Just because he tells you he’s “seeing where this goes” doesn’t mean he’s going to leave his wife if that’s what you’re hoping for. And if he did, the one that looks bad is you because you helped him break up his marriage. Then later he’ll do the same thing to you.

[Equave111]

I know I’m in the wrong and I feel like I deserve to feel this way. I feel like I don’t have a leg to stand on. Then again I don’t think I should be made feel this way either. Even though what I done was wrong, do I still have a right to be mad/upset that he made no effort to contact me today after everything he said yesterday?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I know I’m in the wrong and I feel like I deserve to feel this way. I feel like I don’t have a leg to stand on. Then again I don’t think I should be made feel this way either. Even though what I done was wrong, do I still have a right to be mad/upset that he made no effort to contact me today after everything he said yesterday?

 

Suppose today you gorged on something really good and really sweet and made you feel good....like 10 Snickers bars (or the equivalent, whatever you like). And then you spent tomorrow throwing up. Do you have a right to be mad at the Snickers bars when you knew well and good you shouldn't have eaten ten of them? At some point, we as adults need to accept the consequences of our poor decisions no matter what the other party (or candy bar) is doing.

[basil67]

Yes, you're correct that you don't have a leg to stand on. And he's not making you feel anything - he's simply pulling back and doing what is right. When we play with fire, there's a good chance of getting burned.

[ExpatInItaly]

I know I’m in the wrong and I feel like I deserve to feel this way. I feel like I don’t have a leg to stand on. Then again I don’t think I should be made feel this way either. Even though what I done was wrong, do I still have a right to be mad/upset that he made no effort to contact me today after everything he said yesterday?

 

You can feel however you want. You don't need his (or anyone else's) permission to be upset.

 

That doesn't get you anywhere, though. It doesn't change the fact that he is married and you will never come first for him. As I said in my post above, you had better get comfortable real quick with being side-lined and ignored when it's convenient for him, if you plan to overlook all rational judgment and pursue this.

 

Welcome to the life the Other Woman. Fun stuff, huh?

[Equave111]

Do you guys think he will reach out again at some point for hook up? If so what should I do? Ignore his calls?

[Maddie82]

Do you guys think he will reach out again at some point for hook up? If so what should I do? Ignore his calls?

 

Yes. Don't go there. Block his number. You should've backed off the moment he said he was married. Nothing has really started between you so you need to keep it that way. I strongly recommend you read the posts of others in this forum who has had affairs with MM/MW and see how they have been left heartbroken because they never leave their wives and families. He seems to have realized his mistake very early on and put a stop to it.

[basil67]

Yes, he might reach out again. And he'll probably get an attack of the guilts again and walk away. Is this what you want to sign up for?

[ExpatInItaly]

Do you guys think he will reach out again at some point for hook up? If so what should I do? Ignore his calls?

 

Yes, he’ll probably reach out again.

 

Yes, you should ignore him. It’s clear that you are not emotionally equipped to handle this.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Do you guys think he will reach out again at some point for hook up? If so what should I do? Ignore his calls?

 

Probably, but I wouldn't feel flattered by it if I were you. He's no prize. Aren't there any unmarried men you can pursue instead?

[introverted1]

OP, why not try some empathy? This man has realised that an extra-marital affair will not end well for anyone involved. Perhaps if you could focus on how you would feel if you were the wife of a man who came perilously close to engaging in an affair, you would want to help this man remain committed to his marriage. Your posts read as though you want him to break his vows, and that you will be happy to help him do so.

[Maddie82]

OP, why not try some empathy? This man has realised that an extra-marital affair will not end well for anyone involved. Perhaps if you could focus on how you would feel if you were the wife of a man who came perilously close to engaging in an affair, you would want to help this man remain committed to his marriage. Your posts read as though you want him to break his vows, and that you will be happy to help him do so.

 

I agree. It seems she is looking for clarification that he will come back to resume because she wants him to.

[Equave111]

What do I do then.. every time I see him I can’t stop thinking about him. How do I cope at work seeing him everyday. Can someone please advise me how to get past this. My mood is so low

[Maddie82]

What do I do then.. every time I see him I can’t stop thinking about him. How do I cope at work seeing him everyday. Can someone please advise me how to get past this. My mood is so low

 

Just don't get involved. Keep things professional only at work. Don't talk outside of work. It'll get easier.

[Maggiemay1]

Why couldn’t he have just told me that then instead of ignoring my messages and being so cold to me

 

Lol!!! EVERY married man that embarks on an affair (there is more than one, they end the complicated non compliant ones) always says they have never “done this before” in an attempt to make you feel special .

 

And the withdrawal is a test , to see what you are willing to tolerate! ONLY!

 

He has “strong” feelings for you after 2 coffee dates? Really? You are willing to believe that BS even though he dated his wife and mother of his children for a few years before proposing to her??

 

If you want to be his mistress then behave like one!!! Realise that , yiu will always come second to his wife, children, immediate family , extended family, in laws.

 

Why are YOU interested in being a secret in someone’s life? Why do you NOT think you deserve better than that?

 

That is all that is on offer. Are you going to accept it???

[Foxhall]

I happened to do a search to see if this Loveshack Forum ever got any mention in the media (I have little for doing says you!)

 

Interestingly it seems there was an article published in the UK Daily Express newspaper three years ago based on a thread in the forum which was pretty similar to this one,

 

the only difference was in that instance the poster had actually gone through with the affair.

[Equave111]

You guys are right, it’s not worth it and I do deserve more.

He finally called me back for all of 2 minutes to tell me he was busy with work and had a low battery but asked how I was etc. I told him he was being a bit vague and asked was all ok. He said yes it was and that he had to go and cut me off. I text him after and told him I felt he was off with me and he read it never replied. He doesn’t give a **** and invisibly everything he said was bull****. But I’m the bigger fool. Part of me wants to message him and give out to him for treating me like that and hurting me, the other part just wants to cry it out then ignore him

[Redhead14]

Please do not judge me- we all make mistakes.

 

I Met this guy at work, we went for a coffee one day and he asked for my number, we exchanged messages then he told me he was married. He asked me to meet for a coffee yesterday which I agreed and told him nothing funny as he was married. He told me he had feelings for me and never done anything like this before. We kissed and held each other (no sex). He said he was unsure, he wanted to see where things went with me. He said he wanted to go slow and hold off on sex for a while I agreed. Then he got a call from his wife and he became bit anxious and left soon after said he’d call me today. I told him when I got home and he was very vague and said that’s good talk soon take care. I messaged him today but he didn’t open the message and I haven’t heard from him.

How can he go from being so hot one minute to so cold the next? I do have feelings for him, we both agreed our feelings are strong and intense so how could he treat me like this today. I’m hurt but please don’t judge me. Should I take it as he wants to end things already? If he cared as he says he does should he not at leave have the decency not to ignore my messages and speak to me?

 

 

Oh, paleeze. It takes a lot more than a couple of messages, coffee and sucking face to have me pining over a guy, let alone a married one. He owes you nothing.

 

If he cared as he says he does should he not at leave have the decency not to ignore my messages and speak to me?

 

He doesn't care for you that much. Most people need more than a couple of messages, coffee and sucking face to know how much they care about someone. Working with someone doesn't equal knowing someone enough to really care for them.

 

This guy cares more about his wife and/or getting caught.

 

Expect more for yourself from a man before you invest yourself.

Edited September 5, 2019 by Redhead14

[stillafool]

Look he's a married man and you knew this when you got involved. He would have gladly taken you for a shag but quickly would have come to his senses after he came. Be glad it didn't go that far or you would be in worse pain than you already are. This should be a lesson to never go after a MM again because it rarely ends well for the OW. Are there no available single men in your area? At least you'd have half a chance at happiness with one of them.

[preraph]

I know I’m in the wrong and I feel like I deserve to feel this way. I feel like I don’t have a leg to stand on. Then again I don’t think I should be made feel this way either. Even though what I done was wrong, do I still have a right to be mad/upset that he made no effort to contact me today after everything he said yesterday?

 

You're acting really immature about this. He's married. He's considering cheating. He's still very much married and that's that. Go into having an affair with a married man expecting them to treat you considerately? Are you kidding? He's not even treating his wife considerately, and yet he'll stay with her as long as she'll put up with it. He's not got it in him. You're barking up the wrong tree and someone else's at that. You can't believe what he was saying. All he's trying to do is have his cake and eat it too, and by "cake," I mean sex. That's all. His river does not run deep or he'd not be sneaking around on his wife.

[ExpatInItaly]

I text him after and told him I felt he was off with me and he read it never replied. He doesn’t give a **** and invisibly everything he said was bull****. But I’m the bigger fool. Part of me wants to message him and give out to him for treating me like that and hurting me, the other part just wants to cry it out then ignore him

 

How sensitive to a woman's needs do you really think a married man who cheats on his wife is, exactly?

 

I don't mean to be harsh, but you're being quite naive about this whole situation. I am not sure if that's a true lack of insight into infidelity or a willful blindness to the inherent risks in getting involved with someone else's husband, but you need a reality check, girl.

 

You are expecting him to behave like a boyfriend might. That's not how it works with married men, hence why this is a giant waste of your time and emotional energy. He can't and won't give you what you really want and what you really deserve.

[mark clemson]

What do I do then.. every time I see him I can’t stop thinking about him. How do I cope at work seeing him everyday. Can someone please advise me how to get past this. My mood is so low

 

 

This is unfortunately the impact of hot/cold. I'd strongly advise you to keep to the direction you're going, get over him, and find an available man.

 

If you don't, you may wind up with limerence (suggest you research it a bit). This is involuntary and generally lasts several months to a few years. Feeling this way about someone you see frequently but can't have can be extremely distressing. Trust me, you don't want this. I'd strongly suggest making a firm decision to cut him out of your life as completely as possible and avoid seeing him at work, etc as much as possible.

[mortensorchid]

I am not, like you said, judging you for what happened. Instead I want to say that I am proud of you for not letting it go further than a kiss.

 

First and foremost, I acknowledge that things can and do happen. There are many people out there who lie to others and some of us go into situations not knowing. You did know going into this. And you said no when he wanted to obviously take things to another level. This reminds me of a scene in the movie Eyes Wide Shut when Tom Cruise is with a hooker (one of many situations he is presented with to cheat), his wife called, and suddenly he turned cold. The hooker is okay with this (because she is, after all, a hooker) and he goes on his merry way.

 

Why is he being silent or ghosting on you? Because he doesn't want to have contact anymore. Consider yourself lucky that he did you and all others this courtesy. While ghosting is a cowardly and inconsiderate act, it is warranted in this situation. Don't be angry or hurt. You did a bad thing, so did he, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been. And, he who is without sin can cast the first stone. Close the book and move on.

[Maddie82]

You guys are right, it’s not worth it and I do deserve more.

He finally called me back for all of 2 minutes to tell me he was busy with work and had a low battery but asked how I was etc. I told him he was being a bit vague and asked was all ok. He said yes it was and that he had to go and cut me off. I text him after and told him I felt he was off with me and he read it never replied. He doesn’t give a **** and invisibly everything he said was bull****. But I’m the bigger fool. Part of me wants to message him and give out to him for treating me like that and hurting me, the other part just wants to cry it out then ignore him

 

People Advised you to ignore his calls and messages, but you ignored this advice and instead you have gone chasing him. Tell me honestly, if he decided he wanted to sleep with you, will you do it?

[Redhead14]

Please do not judge me- we all make mistakes.

 

A mistake is "oops, I forgot to take the roast out of the oven at 5:00". This is a conscious effort to hold on to a man who is married.

 

He tried to ditch you for whatever reason, you didn't like what was written between the lines, you reached out to him, he made excuses, etc. and now he's sitting there wondering if he now has a "bunny boiler" on his hands.