Steroids May Have Damaged my Relationship with my Ex-Fiancee and Best Friend

[Reltubsirch0412]

My fiancee and I broke up 13 months ago. Long story short. Two years ago she found out she had cancer. The cancer was removed. She's cancer-free technically. She participated in a six-month clinical trial to make sure the cancer never came back. It took a horrible toll on her physically and, apparently, mentally. And then she got on a full dose of Prednisone and other steroids so the treatments would not kill her...and there were aggressive and unsettling personality changes, not just toward me, but toward others.

 

She ended the engagement. She told me she couldn't handle being sick and being engaged at the same time.

 

BACKSTORY: We were together 12 years ago for a brief time. We stayed close friends for 10 years before we got back together (and then engaged). We consider each other each other's best friend.

 

AFTER THE ENGAGEMENT ENDED: She very much wanted to stay friends. She INSISTED I pursue relationships with other women. But I couldn't. When the year-long mark was almost up I met a woman who did express interest in me. This other woman pursued me (not the other way around). We've dated a couple of months. This other woman is more into me than I am into her, but she is sweet and tries really hard to make me happy so I continue seeing her. I told my ex about the other woman almost immediately. At first she was fine. Now she seems angry and jealous about it. She does things on Facebook to try to taunt and upset the other woman. She posts vitriolic memes on Facebook directed toward an anonymous person (likely me) implying I'm treating her wrong. She would never have done that before she got cancer.

 

And the truth is that I'm still in love with her, and I always will be. But my theory is her mind is no longer right because of the Prednisone or the experience of having cancer. I've looked up the effects of Prednisone and other steroids, and they are awful for people who are on it. People who take it have gotten divorced because of it. But, then again, I know people who have had the full dose of Prednisone treatments, and they said it didn't change their personality any. But I suspect different people react differently to the steroids based on brain chemistry and DNA.

 

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? I'm especially eager to hear comments from each of you. Can anybody explain this behavior of hers'? Is it the Prenidsone or other steroids? Is is the experience of having cancer? I'm trying to make sense of this in my mind. Please chime in.

[d0nnivain]

I don't know that much about steroids. I find it hard to believe that a short course of medical prescribed drugs could cause enough personality changes to cause divorces & break ups.

 

That said, the cancer surely did a number on her psyche. Facing your own mortality changes people.

 

In good relationships you turn toward your loved ones for support in times of crisis. Even when my depression & anxiety are at their worst & I want to turn away from the world, I know DH is a safe harbor. That trust doesn't come naturally to me & I have to rely on my intellect to lean on him but I manage.

 

I can't explain why your FI pulled away. Why doesn't matter as much as the fact that she did. You will be better served focusing on your own healing then trying to solve the puzzle of her mind.

[Maddie82]

I know you love this woman and even though she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, it's also clear that you can't be friends with her either. It's just not working. She told you to date other women but doesn't like it when you do. This is very unfair to you and she's being very unreasonable. I would strongly suggest that you block her on all social media for a while and don't talk to her. You need to get your head together but you can't do that with her pulling all the strings at the moment. Break away from her and breathe. If she doesn't like it, tough.

[divegrl]

Hi!

 

I was on prednisone for many years. There is a term called Predisone rage. It severely affects your whole being; physically, emotionally and mentally. I had terrible insomnia, i was extremely hot all the time, I lost my eyesight. It was horrible.

 

However, when I was finally able to get off, all my symptoms went away. There were no long term side effects. I could not tell from your post if she was still on prednisone or not?

 

I hope this helps. So sorry for everything your going thru.

[anika99]

I have never taken prednisone myself but due to having moderate asthma I belong to a group pertaining to asthma. Many of the people there who have more severe asthma are prescribed prednisone and they all hate it! I read their stories about how much that medication messes them up and thank God that my asthma has never been severe enough to require that drug. It terrifies me. So yeah, I do think it's entirely possible that your ex changed due to that medication.

 

As for you, if you are not really into the girl you are dating then you should probably cut her loose and stop wasting her time. And if you really want to get on with your life stop talking with your ex. Stop paying attention to what she posts on Facebook. Block her so that you can't see her posts.