How to cope and not be bitter about exes happiness [VENTING]

[PunishedEx]

[Mainly just venting, apologies]

 

This may sound really terrible and bitter, and I don't mean it to be. I really loved my ex and I don't wish ill will on her. It's just lately (6 months later ) I've been struggling more then I had been previously. I seem to be programmed to think of her the second I wake up. Not a day has gone by yet where my thoughts aren't derailed and invaded about missing her.

 

I'm trying hard not to be bitter, and I really honestly don't hate her, but there is some resentment lately about how things have turned out. Unfortunately I've gotten a few updates from mutual friends about her and she's doing amazing ever since the breakup. She asked me to be her bf, and things were so great, then she got bored and started to distance herself and not treat me too well. I took the distancing really hard and the eventual breakup even harder. I'm not blaming her for it, but the breakup sort of derailed me in the last few months of my college course and I ended up failing. Now 6 months later I find myself with no motivation to do anything, I hardly enjoy anything despite my best efforts, now stuck in a job I don't really like. These are problems I have to sort out myself, I know.

 

But what's gotten to me lately is hearing about how well things are for her. Since the breakup she's found a group of new friends and flies to hang out with them and is having a blast, she's lost a ton of weight and looks phenomenal, she used to drink a little too much (I always tried my best to encourage her to stop and explain I was concerned for her) but now has quit drinking entirely. She has well and truly moved on too, last contact with her about 2 months ago I told her I would finally have to wholesale block her and I'm sorry about it, no hard feelings, to which she replied "Righto, it is what it is".

 

Even though I love her and want the best for her, there's a bitter part of me that really resents that she asked me to be her bf, told me she loved me, then lost interest and treated me badly in the last few weeks of the RS, and her life has turned out so great. I know life isn't always fair and nobody owes anybody anything, it's just SO hard not to have this bitterness inside. I feel like she showed up and just carpet bombed my life, 5 year degree gone, I chain smoke every day now. I remember not long after I first met her and I was repeating my final year, I confided in her that I had been depressed over the death of my grandmother and that's why I struggled in my final exams. I got the chance to repeat the year, I was talking about how I was nervous that I might fail again and she said "But this year it'll be different, you have me and I'll be there to help you". I felt so loved and was finally feeling good again, and then the 3 months before the exams she was ghosting me and hanging out with a guy that she had kissed while we were in a relationship. 5 weeks before finals started she broke up with me.

 

I guess this is more just venting, I wish I believed in karma or something. I know eventually, one day, I won't care at all about what she's doing. I just feel so used right now. She had her fun with me, when she was bored she dropped me, and things have only gotten better for her since. And despite my best efforts, I just can't let her go. If I hear her name, go to the bed that we shared, walk past a place that we were once, my mind just sinks back into this obsessive missing her, and I hate it.

[preraph]

You've got to tell those friends you don't want any info or updates on your ex! That's torture! Tell them, I'm serious, please don't mention her to me. And stay off her social media. Let yourself move on.

 

She has.

[PunishedEx]

It's sort of frustrating as I tend to bait them into giving me details about her. I don't explicitly ask but find ways to get them to give details away. Since they're still friends with her I don't want them to know I'm totally not over her.

 

That's kinda the worst part, consciously I want to be over this and moving on with my life, but sub-consciously my mind is always thinking about her. I'll think "I'll go walk the dog in the park to get my mind off her", then when I'm in the park I find myself thinking "This evening is so nice, I wish me and Ellie [not real name] done this when we were together". I can't seem to find a way to be happy without her.

I was depressed before I met her, then when I was with her I was so extremely happy, and now I feel like I'm back where I was before I met her except it's even worse because I'm dealing with the loss of the relationship too. Counseling, hobbies, casual dating, spending time with friends, these things only help for as long as something doesn't remind me of her. I've consciously wanted to be done with this for months now.

 

Unfortunately, the only thing that I found some comfort in was the thought that maybe she would become unhappy after the relationship ended and would want me back. I know that's an extremely bitter and unhealthy thing to think, and I hate myself for feeling that way, but seeing her life apparently be so much better after me makes me feel so much worse. It shouldn't, but it does.

Edited September 4, 2019 by PunishedEx