Mind is a mess.

[Anychance]

Really can't understand what my ex girlfriend is doing. We broke up a while back and although it was mutual, I didn't want to break up but she seemed to lose interest and so I saw no other way.

 

After breaking up I asked her to meet up, talk, try again, come out, and is was always a polite no. She would then deliberately ignore me for months until she would pop up out of the blue, we would chat for a while then, again she would disappear. When she stops replying I don't message her again.

 

About two months ago she lost a member of her family so I sent her a message saying I was sorry and hoped she was ok. She replied back then ignored me once again.

 

Then a month later she popped up out of the blue again and sent me a link to something then deliberately ignored me AGAIN and this time for over a month.

 

Last week I accidentally sent her a text meant for someone else. I was really gutted because I didn't want to contact her when she was ignoring me. I apologised and said it was meant for someone else. To my shock a few hours later she replied back and asked how I was.

 

She then replied a lot, asked what I was doing at the weekend, how work is, how my family is and generally trying to ask about my life. When I asked how she was she replied VERY enthusiastically that she was doing great and coming across she was having a great time.

 

We then continued to chat for a while and then she would say she 'getting there' when talking about how she was doing and saying she's keeping busy, trying to switch off etc? She then mentioned that a mutual friend had been telling her about I was going on holiday etc and she was asking about that.

 

Then all of a sudden she would ignore me th n, for hours and hours and then all of a sodden re appear? This is on social media so while ignoring me she is posting and being online a lot then comes back after hours. So we chatted again, she asked me if I was near her area today and when I replied to her she ignored me again then replied 24 hrs later even though she was posting all over social media, so deliberately ignoring me. Being the polite kind I am, I replied and again she has ignored me ever since.

 

Last time I was in her area, she completely blanked me and ignored me lol. So now she's blatantly ignored me again and disappeared. It shouldn't bother me but I still have a lot of feelings for her and i find it a bit rude she can just ignore me like she does. Why is she doing it? But asking lots of questions and genuinely seeming to care.

Edited September 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[d0nnivain]

Break ups are hard no matter who initiated them or why. Somebody who was an important part of your life is no longer prominent & their absence is noticeable.

 

She replied when you offered condolences. That was polite on both your parts.

 

The reality is she wants to be broken up but she never stopped liking you as a person so occasionally she slips & contacts you. You still have people in common so your paths will continue to cross. You simply have to accept that it's over & stop trying to find deeper meaning in whatever bread crumbs she tosses your way.

[schlumpy]

I see a bit darker side to this whole affair.

 

I would say that she is very much aware of your feelings for her and she likes those feelings even though she doesn't return them. It's always amazing when you can treat someone like crap and they come crawling back. It's a fascinating bit of human psychology.

 

So she tests the waters once in a while to make sure you are still waiting for her. Once she's sure you are still wiggling on the hook she turns back to "exploring" other people so that she can "grow" as a person and maybe one day deserve you.

 

The reason she won't talk with you on other media is because she doesn't want it known to potential "growth experiences" that she still has ties to you.

 

I admit I may be way of the mark here but nothing you wrote in your post persuades me otherwise.

 

Cut her out of your life like the cancer she is.

[Maddie82]

She is completely uninterested. Cut it all off now. Block and delete her everywhere. You don't need that kind of treatment. Hopefully once it all stops you'll feel better

[Anychance]

I would say that she is very much aware of your feelings for her and she likes those feelings even though she doesn't return them. It's always amazing when you can treat someone like crap and they come crawling back. It's a fascinating bit of human psychology.

 

So she tests the waters once in a while to make sure you are still waiting for her. Once she's sure you are still wiggling on the hook she turns back to "exploring" other people so that she can "grow" as a person and maybe one day deserve you.

 

The reason she won't talk with you on other media is because she doesn't want it known to potential "growth experiences" that she still has ties to you.

 

That's pretty bad If she is doing that. I just wish I luke 'let go' if that makes sense and learn not to give a damn.

Edited September 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote edited

[Anychance]

She is completely uninterested. Cut it all off now. Block and delete her everywhere. You don't need that kind of treatment. Hopefully once it all stops you'll feel better

 

Thanks, I wish it was different but I feel your right. She doe the have any interest. She needs to learn to treatment people a bit better. I know previous that she can just walk away from poeple like they don't exist anymore. I guess now is m,y turn

[Geraltt]

This is pretty common, Anychance. Both men and women do it.

 

She's dangling herself in front of you occasionally because it gives her a bit of a thrill. She doesn't care about your feelings, doesn't care about what you think; she's entirely self-centered and doing it for her own fragile ego.

 

Schlumpy nailed it:

 

Cut her out of your life like the cancer she is.

[Anychance]

This is pretty common, Anychance. Both men and women do it.

 

She's dangling herself in front of you occasionally because it gives her a bit of a thrill. She doesn't care about your feelings, doesn't care about what you think; she's entirely self-centered and doing it for her own fragile ego.

 

Schlumpy nailed it:

 

Thanks. I'm really suprised at the way she has been. Personally I don't ignore anyone but I guess I'm not everyone lol. Previously I've asked to try again, told her I miss her etc and asked to meet because I thought if there was any chance I would want to take it. But now I have got the message and I'm getting nothing back so what's the point now. It really hurts a lot but I know she's not interested

[schlumpy]

Anychance: Go to the chump ladies website and look up the 180. It will help you clear your head so you can make decisions that are in your best interest. It's not magic and will take time.

 

It took me a year to get over my ex fiancée but I made it and once you are through you will never be trapped like that again. It changes what you will tolerate.

[Foxhall]

. It's always amazing when you can treat someone like crap and they come crawling back. It's a fascinating bit of human psychology.

 

Agree this intrigues me also, the dangers of over attachment and allowing someone have psychological power over you,

 

the necessity of one party and the cruel subtle exploitation of this necessity by the other,

 

not referring in particular to this thread but just general life situations I observe.

[Blind-Sided]

If you want to heal... block her number. Every time she contacts you... it's just ripping the wound open again.

[preraph]

She wanted to break up and she is glad she broke up and has moved on. So while you place great significance on the fact she doesn't refuse to speak to you, this is nothing she gives that much thought to. It's just nothing to her. It's easy for her because she doesn't want you back and isn't miserable.

 

So it's making you miserable and you either need to stop letting it make you miserable or give you hope OR block her so you can move on .

[Anychance]

Anychance: Go to the chump ladies website and look up the 180. It will help you clear your head so you can make decisions that are in your best interest. It's not magic and will take time.

 

It took me a year to get over my ex fiancée but I made it and once you are through you will never be trapped like that again. It changes what you will tolerate.

 

Thanks I,ll take a look. Hopefully I'll start to feel better soon

[Anychance]

She wanted to break up and she is glad she broke up and has moved on. So while you place great significance on the fact she doesn't refuse to speak to you, this is nothing she gives that much thought to. It's just nothing to her. It's easy for her because she doesn't want you back and isn't miserable.

 

So it's making you miserable and you either need to stop letting it make you miserable or give you hope OR block her so you can move on .

 

Thanks, I get I mean nithing to her now. It's just a bit of a shock that after so long together what we had means nothing. Once I can set my mind free of her I can get on with my life. Really wish I could be as cold as her sometimes and not give a damn

[Geraltt]

It really hurts a lot but I know she's not interested

 

It's entirely expected that this hurts. If it didn't, there'd be something wrong.

 

You will get through this. May not feel like it right now, but you will.

[preraph]

Thanks, I get I mean nithing to her now. It's just a bit of a shock that after so long together what we had means nothing. Once I can set my mind free of her I can get on with my life. Really wish I could be as cold as her sometimes and not give a damn

 

I'm sure she loved you at the time, but once love fades, it's usually not coming back. Sounds like she was ready for change.

[Anychance]

I'm sure she loved you at the time, but once love fades, it's usually not coming back. Sounds like she was ready for change.

 

 

I'm sure she did yes, nothing I can do now I know that.

[Anychance]

Just to update in this. The last contact I had with her Shen deliberately took ages to reply to me, whilst I could see she was online...she replied late at night so I'm guessing when she was bored. I don't play games so I replied within a few minutes as I was online but with a short reply. She then ignored it again as I expected and a WEEK later opened it to show 'read' but no reply.

I'm struggling with feeling angry towards her, I don't want to feel this but I get an overwhelming sense of anger towards her, is there anyway I can relieve this? Is it normal? I have not contacted her and won't, I dint feel she wants to hear from me and genuinely think she doesn't give a toss. I'm really struggling with the thought of her with someone else, that is the biggest hurt.

[Maddie82]

Why haven't you blocked her yet? She is totally not interested. No-one takes a week to to open a text if they were interested. She clearly doesn't give a toss about you as you say, so why give one about her? Why are you still bothering? Block her already. It will get easier. Just keep busy to help take your mind off her.

[Anychance]

Why haven't you blocked her yet? She is totally not interested. No-one takes a week to to open a text if they were interested. She clearly doesn't give a toss about you as you say, so why give one about her? Why are you still bothering? Block her already. It will get easier. Just keep busy to help take your mind off her.

 

That's true I guess I can't bring myself to block her. I'm trying my best not to give a toss but we were togethera long time and I'm finding it hard to let go tbh. I'm trying my best to keep busy, trying new things doing lots of walks etc.

[Maddie82]

What are you hoping for by not blocking her. It'll be better for you if you do. Are you hoping that she will suddenly have an epiphany and realize that you are the one she wants? That's not going to happen i'm afraid. You are just torturing yourself for nothing.

[Anychance]

What are you hoping for by not blocking her. It'll be better for you if you do. Are you hoping that she will suddenly have an epiphany and realize that you are the one she wants? That's not going to happen i'm afraid. You are just torturing yourself for nothing.

 

I understand what you're saying totally. I just need to accept she's gone and that's that. I wanted to be friends and keep in touch but it seems she doesnt want to.

[Maddie82]

I I wanted to be friends and keep in touch but it seems she doesnt want to.

 

Then block her. She wants nothing to do with you so why are you hanging on?

Edited September 23, 2019 by Maddie82

[thecrucible]

I understand what you're saying totally. I just need to accept she's gone and that's that. I wanted to be friends and keep in touch but it seems she doesnt want to.

 

Just don't worry. Blocking her does not make you a bad person. You'd be doing it for your own sense of calm and that's important.

[Anychance]

Welll she contacted me out of the blue.

She was asking how I am and then went on about our past relationship. She told me how much she was hurt at the end, that I made her feel bad. I know she was unhappy but this came as a shock to me. I never intended to make her feel bad, far from it in fact. I asked her if she has met someone else and she said no...

I went through the end of the break up and tried to put things straight, she asked me lot sof questions about how things went wrong. I told her I still have feelings and that if I had a chance I'd put things straight. She agreed we had some really good times together but couldn't forget the end. She asked me if I was wanting to try again. I told her I want to meet up for a drink to see her and take things from there. She then told me she was unsure. That she would have a think and get back to me that day. She got back to me but never mentioned about meeting up. So I had to ask again. I asked if she had had anything thoughts on meeting. She said she's still thinking. She told me she doesn't want to say yes and get my hopes up but also doesn't want to say no and regret it. She told me we can still talk, and she will know when she's knows......???

So she's been chatting. Sometimes she open and then other times she closed off and cold, she replies quick then all of a sudden will ignore for hours. This also happens to be when a particular guy is online.....

I'm stuck to what to do now. Surely she would know of she wanted to see me?