Mind is a mess.

[Maddie82]

She doesn't want to see you. If she did she would have agreed sooner. Judging by what she said, she definitely doesn't want to be in a relationship with you either. There is another guy in her sights so the question is, are you happy to be just friends with this girl? If not, then you have to cut contact for good.

[Anychance]

She doesn't want to see you. If she did she would have agreed sooner. Judging by what she said, she definitely doesn't want to be in a relationship with you either. There is another guy in her sights so the question is, are you happy to be just friends with this girl? If not, then you have to cut contact for good.

 

No don't want to be just friends. If she doesn't want to see me then she needs to just say. Pretty rude the ways she's gone about things. This guy has about four girls going at once lol. Her choice

[Maddie82]

No don't want to be just friends. If she doesn't want to see me then she needs to just say. Pretty rude the ways she's gone about things.

 

I completely agree. She is rude to keep you hanging like that. Don't allow it. She is still taking a ridiculous amount of time to respond to messages too.

[fromheart]

I'm stuck to what to do now. Surely she would know of she wanted to see me?

 

Correct, There is no hesitation when someone wants to see you.

 

She needs to do all the chasing for you to get back together. But right now you are fully available to her beck and call.

 

Rekindling attraction and respect in a woman is pretty easy. Three steps;

 

Ignore her. Total NC.

 

Work on yourself hard.

 

Pursue other women.

 

This will never fail to get a woman's attention. May not get her back, but if your following those three steps you'll be more interested in having someone new and fresh anyway. At the very least she'll respect you, because she has zero respect for you right now.

 

As Corey Wayne would advise, tell her that if she's interested in getting back together she can contact you. But your not interested in friendship as that is not what you want. Then you give her complete and absolute NC. Ignore the breadcrumbs her highness is throwing from the royal table.

 

If you find yourself making mistakes and falling back in to old patterns, and this happens to the best of us, go back to the three steps above.

Edited September 30, 2019 by fromheart

[Maddie82]

Ignore her. Total NC.

 

Work on yourself hard.

 

Pursue other women.

 

This will never fail to get a woman's attention.

 

Honestly, with what we know about this girl so far, she wont be bothered by any of this. I feel that OP is just something to pass the time for her, to make her feel validated every once in a while. She needs the attention sometimes but doesn't want to be with him. He absolutely should implement no contact and completely block her while hes at it.

[fromheart]

Honestly, with what we know about this girl so far, she wont be bothered by any of this. I feel that OP is just something to pass the time for her, to make her feel validated every once in a while. She needs the attention sometimes but doesn't want to be with him. He absolutely should implement no contact and completely block her while hes at it.

 

Whether she is bothered by this or not is irrelevant. He will get a new relationship with himself and someone else.

 

However, in my years I have never once seen this fail to get at least the respect of an ex. And believe me I have been in some situations.

[Maddie82]

However, in my years I have never once seen this fail to get at least the respect of an ex. And believe me I have been in some situations.

 

It'll be a complete waste of his time to try and get her attention.

[elaine567]

When dumping someone, I NEVER, ever wanted them back, so I did not care a jot what they got up to. The whole point of me dumping them was to get them out of my life and for me to find someone else.

Dumpees tend to forget that aspect of the break up.

The dumper WANTS to break up.

[Anychance]

When dumping someone, I NEVER, ever wanted them back, so I did not care a jot what they got up to. The whole point of me dumping them was to get them out of my life and for me to find someone else.

Dumpees tend to forget that aspect of the break up.

The dumper WANTS to break up.

 

So why not tell me that. Instead of saying she wants to think, blah blah blah.

[Maddie82]

So why not tell me that. Instead of saying she wants to think, blah blah blah.

 

Learn to read between the lines. It's clear enough but you never take the hint.

[fromheart]

It'll be a complete waste of his time to try and get her attention.

 

I am not saying he should try for her attention, please re read what I wrote.

[Maddie82]

What he needs to do is delete and block her number so he can move on. It's no good playing games with each other.

[healing light]

I actually think this girl is taking her sweet ass time to evaluate whether it's going to work for her again. Didn't OP say that he broke up with her? It's possible he sensed some dissatisfaction or unhappiness from her end, but that the breakup was a shock for her and now she's not sure she can trust him again enough to get back together.

 

However, it does put you in a really weird limbo. I feel if she was leaning toward getting back together and her brain didn't win out, you would be on your way to meeting up with her already. So I think things may likely be too broken to repair.

 

I suggest that you do tell her to contact you if she decides to resume reconciliation like that one poster said, but that you're not interested in friendship:

 

tell her that if she's interested in getting back together she can contact you. But your not interested in friendship as that is not what you want. Then you give her complete and absolute NC.

 

That way you can start moving on and if she decides she wants to get back together, you can evaluate at that point without doing all these mental gymnastics in the mean time.

 

Btw, all the behaviour you described prior to that discussion where she talked about how the end of the breakup hurt her--that's how most of my friends actually are. We chat, someone goes away for a few hours while they get busy during the day, picks up the conversation a while later, etc. Neither one of us really mind because we're also busy and don't want to bang each other, haha. If a text is short enough to be read in the preview, we'll see it by may or may not click read on it until we chat again. So, this could just be her not even thinking about messing around with you and just treating you like she treats all her other friends, just fyi.

[Anychance]

I actually think this girl is taking her sweet ass time to evaluate whether it's going to work for her again. Didn't OP say that he broke up with her? It's possible he sensed some dissatisfaction or unhappiness from her end, but that the breakup was a shock for her and now she's not sure she can trust him again enough to get back together.

 

However, it does put you in a really weird limbo. I feel if she was leaning toward getting back together and her brain didn't win out, you would be on your way to meeting up with her already.

 

 

 

That way you can start moving on and if she decides she wants to get back together, you can evaluate at that point without doing all these mental gymnastics in the mean.

 

Hi, I didn't break up with her. The relationship got awkward towards the end because when I would ask to do things she would say she isn't busy, or she would rearrange things, she became distant. But when I would try and ask what was going on I was told that I ask the question a lot and I must be starting to wonder ether I want to be in the relationship. This wasn't the case..I was trying to figure a way of fixing things. When I asked her if she wanted to be with me she replied, I've never said I haven't...not a straight yes. Eventually after trying and trying to do things, I thought if new ideas, I wanted to book time away, I had a list of new things we could try on days out, it all came to nithing as I couldn't get her out for more than a couple of hours. If she did come out she had to be back for a certain time. So I could not see any other way forward. She suggested we can't carry on the way we were and I reluctantly agreed to call it a day. Not because I wanted, I really didn't want to but because I saw no other option. I still don't know why she became distant and I guess that's soemthing I'll never know. I tried to find out but never got an answer.

[Maddie82]

I still don't know why she became distant and I guess that's soemthing I'll never know. I tried to find out but never got an answer.

 

The answer is the other guy. There is someone else she is interested in.

[elaine567]

She wan't feeling it, I guess she hoped the OP would end it, but he didn't no matter how little she gave him.

It finally it became unsustainable as a "relationship" and eventually she called it a day and the OP had no other option but to agree...

 

She is I guess conflict avoidant or maybe a people pleaser, she doesn't want to be "the bad person" who makes a final decision, so she keeps kicking the can down the road, to keep him happy...

 

OP

Btw, all the behaviour you described prior to that discussion where she talked about how the end of the breakup hurt her--that's how most of my friends actually are. We chat, someone goes away for a few hours while they get busy during the day, picks up the conversation a while later, etc. Neither one of us really mind because we're also busy and don't want to bang each other, haha. If a text is short enough to be read in the preview, we'll see it by may or may not click read on it until we chat again. So, this could just be her not even thinking about messing around with you and just treating you like she treats all her other friends, just fyi

^^This

I agree. You are still emotionally invested so you see everything she does as pertaining to you or the "relationship", whereas she is likely not giving you a second thought...

[Anychance]

She wan't feeling it, I guess she hoped the OP would end it, but he didn't no matter how little she gave him.

It finally it became unsustainable as a "relationship" and eventually she called it a day and the OP had no other option but to agree...

 

She is I guess conflict avoidant or maybe a people pleaser, she doesn't want to be "the bad person" who makes a final decision, so she keeps kicking the can down the road, to keep him happy...

 

OP

 

^^This

I agree. You are still emotionally invested so you see everything she does as pertaining to you or the "relationship", whereas she is likely not giving you a second thought...

 

She was hoping I would end it. That's probably right but when you love someone no matter how bad I ddnt want to end things. I guess that's why it was dragged down so much that in the end I had no choice.

 

I agree I'm still emotionally invested. She means a great deal to me, and you're probably right her not giving me a second thought. I know I'm hanging on to soemthing that isn't there anymore, the hardest part is just letting go. I guess time will do that for me.

[Soak]

Just to update in this. The last contact I had with her Shen deliberately took ages to reply to me, whilst I could see she was online...she replied late at night so I'm guessing when she was bored. I don't play games so I replied within a few minutes as I was online but with a short reply. She then ignored it again as I expected and a WEEK later opened it to show 'read' but no reply.

I'm struggling with feeling angry towards her, I don't want to feel this but I get an overwhelming sense of anger towards her, is there anyway I can relieve this? Is it normal? I have not contacted her and won't, I dint feel she wants to hear from me and genuinely think she doesn't give a toss. I'm really struggling with the thought of her with someone else, that is the biggest hurt.

 

 

Manners never really got anyone anywhere, particularly to do with break ups and self preservation.

 

You are struggling with the inevitable, that she will eventually find someone else. She is keeping you around for comfort imo.. You'd be best served to pull back and look after no. 1. Imo, you need to iniate NC now. That is to not respond to any of her messages or contact at all for your own sake. You are doing this to stop the confusion in your head.

[Anychance]

Manners never really got anyone anywhere, particularly to do with break ups and self preservation.

 

You are struggling with the inevitable, that she will eventually find someone else. She is keeping you around for comfort imo.. You'd be best served to pull back and look after no. 1. Imo, you need to iniate NC now. That is to not respond to any of her messages or contact at all for your own sake. You are doing this to stop the confusion in your head.

 

I am not talking to her now. I asked her to come out and still she said she wasn't sure, even after three weeks of talking, she seemed to open up more but she closed off again when I asked. I couldn't keep going on and on and not knowing what she was going to do. She was talking hours to reply and it felt like she was just picking it up when she was bored. She's now stop replying to me and I stopped to her, so I guess she won't get back in touch now. I'm keeping busy and making myself realise that if she wanted me or felt anything for me she would try in some way but she hasn't at all. It's me trying to keep things alive when it is clearly dead. I'm not feeling my best but I know deep down it's for the best.