Troubles getting over an Ex

[chazaboi22]

Me and my ex partner was together for 3 years . I had the time of my life I worshipped the ground she walked on , she was and still is the love of my life .she ended up meeting someone else whilst on a break ,they was together 6 months or so . now they've split up we are talking more nothing major just flirting and its nice to have a laugh and a giggle with her again. I want to make her mine again but I don't want to make a fool of myself do we stay friends or do i tell her how she makes me feel I cant get her out of my head. ive tried to date other women but it doesn't right I cant see myself with anyone but her .

[d0nnivain]

I'm not sure going backwards in life is a good plan. You say you were "on a break" when she met somebody else, dumped you & decided to date him. Things didn't work out with him so now she's back talking to you & you want her back as more then a friend.

 

My first Q to you, is why?

 

Your relationship had problems when you were together. Hence the "break". FYI: there is no such thing as time off in a relationship. You either work together to fix what is wrong or you throw in the towel & go your separate ways. If whatever drove you apart the first time hasn't been fixed you are just going back to something that wasn't working.

 

Second she dumped you. I say that not to hurt you but force you to look at the facts. She cavalierly threw you away once. What makes you think she won't do it again & why would you take that risk?

 

Third so you understand that she's only back because she can't do any better? She is not back by choice. She's back because the other guy dumped her & you are an easy ego boost. She's playing on you to make herself feel better. She's using you & you are letting her.

 

If you are OK with all of the above, you need to tell her you want to try again. Lay your cards on the table. To hang around wanting more but accepting mere friendship is doing a disserve to yourself. You don't need a front row seat to her next BF. If she doesn't want to tray again you gotta walk away. Sticking around makes you a doormat.

[TheFinalWord]

The only way you would look like a fool is taking her back after she effectively dumped you, slept with another guy, that didn't work out, and now she's back to her safe bet.

 

 

If she had her way, things would have worked out with the other guy, and you would have never heard from her again. You're a safe, back up option. Out of respect for yourself, you have to move on. Sorry man, I know it's not easy, but things will never be the same. She sabotaged it, it's not your fault. She doesn't care like you do and part of that is because you're worshiping her. But that's another post.

[Marc878]

Me and my ex partner was together for 3 years . I had the time of my life I worshipped the ground she walked on , she was and still is the love of my life .she ended up meeting someone else whilst on a break ,they was together 6 months or so . now they've split up we are talking more nothing major just flirting and its nice to have a laugh and a giggle with her again. I want to make her mine again but I don't want to make a fool of myself do we stay friends or do i tell her how she makes me feel I cant get her out of my head. ive tried to date other women but it doesn't right I cant see myself with anyone but her .

 

You've set the bar pretty low as far as relationships go.

 

She's a priority to you but you aren't even an option to her.

 

If you don't cut contact you'll stay in the friend zone or get dumped again.

 

Maybe you should take the time to mature, grow up and develope some self respect.

[healing light]

Why did you guys break up? I know she left for someone else, but did you ever have discussions where she indicated she was unhappy prior to leaving? That something was missing?

 

You don't want to end up with a grass is greener girl or someone that will leave you the second the next new shiny thing comes around. Since she is the one who left you, I feel like the burden of getting back together is on her as the dumper.

 

If you really can't get her out of your mind and can't move forward, I suppose you could always say something like this to her, "Talking to you again is stirring up old feelings, so unless you would like to date again, I think it's best we don't have contact."

 

That way, she knows how you feel and knows how to get in touch if she wants a relationship, but you'll still be setting a boundary so you won't be jerked around in the mean time if that's not her intention.

[schlumpy]

I don't see where six months changes anything.

 

Whatever caused the breakup is still there. Another attempt at a solid relationship would most likely just be marking time. If years had gone by then I would be more open to the thought of a reconciliation but not now.

 

You never moved on but she did. It makes a big difference and puts you at an extreme disadvantage.

 

My advice is to fade on her. You will never be able to move on if you try to be friends.

 

I suspect she will not be that broken up about it.