I honestly do not know...

[mafia1]

Hey,

 

Sorry for the long read beforehand. I will try to keep it as short as possible.

 

Three and a half years ago I met my current girlfriend. We started living together right at the start - 2 months after we got together.

 

Back in the days I was really in love with her and everything was great for me. I even put up with a lot of her **** only because of that - like ditching some of my hobbies, not making a big deal when she calls me "stupid" or something similar.

Time went by and it kind of felt like we're not that close each other.

I am not sure if tha played some kind of a role but she really rarely talked to me about issues in our relationship and it was only when the **** already hit the fan.

She also "packed her stuff" a few times until now (never did it anyways).

 

During the past year we made sex really rarely too - like once or twice a month. I am 29 years old and she is 28, not sure if that is normal but I just do not feel the urge to have sex. When we first met, I wanted to have sex with her a couple of times a day for comparaison.

 

I am sitting now, thinking to myself what should I do? I am not sure if it's the seasons change but from a week I am constantly thinking of other women and even chatted with some - they like me, I liked some of them and this made me wonder if I am really happy in my relationship. I honesty do not know.

 

Is it normal to not feel that in love with someone after ~ 4 years?

Is it normal to have sex with him way less than initially?

Is it OK to put up with his/her **** when he calls you names in front of your friends/family or his friends/family.

 

If things are not OK, why didn't she leave me already, I also wonder.

 

I really miss the time I was single and was able to chat with all the women I wanted, go out whenever I wanted etc. I assume this is normal though, not sure if it's due to my relationship failing or similar.

 

I also remember how lonely I felt when I was single as well, so I guess there is no 100% happiness.

 

All in all - what are the signs of a relationship that is going to an end? Am I truly considering to end mine or it's just an autumn depression (given the fact it hit me out of nowhere a week ago).

[d0nnivain]

This relationship ran it's course. Her belittling you played a role in killing your sex drive & attraction for her.

 

Yes being single can be lonely but IMHO it's still better then being alone in a relationship where you needs aren't met.

 

End this. Stop living with her. Lick your wounds. Then start fresh but go slower this time. You need to know somebody for a least 1 year before you live with them. Love should grow over time not diminish. Even if physical issues reduce the frequency of love making, the love itself should deepen.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Is it OK to put up with his/her **** when he calls you names in front of your friends/family or his friends/family.

 

No, this is not ok. It's not loving to call you names.

[preraph]

When a relationship isn't fun anymore, you may as well leave. Before she gets pregnant or something. You're at the prime age for men for dating, so you'll do just fine. Just do it. It was a good time, but now it's not fun anymore. A good relationship will have enough to make it worth it.

[RecentChange]

Nope, not normal or okay for a happy healthy, long lasting relationship.

 

Like others have said, it has run it's course.

 

Why hasn't she left? Change is hard, break ups are hard, finding a place to live, admitting things are over etc are hard.

 

You wonder why she hasn't left, why haven't you?

 

My husband and I rushed in, moved in together after a few months of dating, but 4 years, 10 years, now 18 years later, we still have sex regularly, we still love each other, and as always, calling each other things like "stupid" is never okay.

 

We can express frustration with each other, without personal attacks.

 

One has to remember, you can't "unsay" anything, once it's said, it's said.

[Sunlight72]

Wow RecentChange,

I am happy for you and your husband - 18 years! I don't imagine it is always easy, and I do imagine you both frequently put energy and care into your relationship - congrats and good job to both of you :-)

[S2B]

When certain things happen within a relationship it’s good to recognize that it’s no longer working.

 

Her calling you names is unacceptable. Her not communicating what bothers her when it happens isn’t ok - the blow ups aren’t right either.

 

And no, sex doesn’t have to dwindle to minimal - after 20 years I was still having amazing sex with my then husband every day - sometimes more often.

 

If it’s not working for you end it.

 

Life is too short.

[Mr. Lucky]

If things are not OK, why didn't she leave me already, I also wonder.

 

Couldn’t she be wondering the same thing?

 

You seem strangely passive in your approach - not much discussion with her, not much action and not any steps taken to fix things.

 

Why is that?

 

Mr. Lucky

[mafia1]

Thanks for the replies!

 

I tried numerous times to talk to her about the issues we had when they arose. Each time she just played on her cell and said that she wants to rest and not to talk. Every single time.

 

I am not sure if I am being rational here but still - I somehow miss the good times - being in love with somebody, walk the streets all night long etc.

As I said, I am not sure if I am being rational because either way, I am probably doomed to ditch my partner every 1-2 years to seek a new one only for the thrill of being in love.

 

How are people supposed to feel when being with somebody for 4 years? This is my longest relationship by far.

Is it possible to feel the same feelings like in the first couple of months but for many years?

[schlumpy]

I tried numerous times to talk to her about the issues we had when they arose. Each time she just played on her cell and said that she wants to rest and not to talk. Every single time.

 

Unacceptable behavior on her part. She is likely not comfortable in a confrontational setting. Couples counseling is your only answer if you want to save your relationship. If the answer to that is lukewarm then prepare for the break up.

 

I suspect that she is feeling it to. Many of the signals couples exchange demonstrating loving acceptance seem to be missing. Why that is only you can answer or maybe you will find out within a counseling atmosphere.

[Mr. Lucky]

Thanks for the replies!

 

I tried numerous times to talk to her about the issues we had when they arose. Each time she just played on her cell and said that she wants to rest and not to talk. Every single time.

 

Then this really doesn’t have much to do with hypothetical questions about sustaining long-term relationships. Whether it’s 6 weeks or 6 years, an emotionally closed off and disconnected partner should fall into the “use it or lose it” category.

 

This is less about time and more about being with the wrong person...

 

Mr. Lucky

[usa1ah]

Really a hard read. You keep changing gender.

 

Yes it is normal for the honeymoon stage to end.

 

It isn’t normal to stop having sex. Relationships take work, continuously take work. If you stop putting in the work with any relationship it will fail.

 

Also you might have a testosterone problem. Low T will cause your drive to nose d

Edited September 10, 2019 by usa1ah

[usa1ah]

It will be hard for your gf to stay in any relationship if she won’t help by talking things out.

 

Might be best to call this one finished and start again.

[S2B]

Your gf is done and checked out.

 

Best to end it knowing it’s been over for a while.

 

Learn to recognize when someone isn’t treating you right.

 

Just be bold with her - tell her it’s over.

 

 

Yes, most healthy relationships still feel a deep love and affection as the years roll along.