Deleted my OLD accounts

[an0nym0us123]

Decided to take a break, deleted PoF and my match account. Keeping tinder and bumble as i do actually seem to have success on there.

 

I scrolled down the list of women on PoF, a lot of them have been there a year, just like me. But i realised that out of a hundred or so profiles, there were only a handful of attractive women. The rest were just aveverage or below. i have messaged numerous average looking women on there in the past, most will hardly even reply.

 

I always thought, despite the fact i have been classed as good looking by many people over the years, my competition on there must be extremely handsome successful men and i just wasnt getting a look in. Then it occurred to me, if i was a really handsome guy, why would I go online and go after average looking women?

 

Perhaps there are a few and are playing all the average women and using them for sex, despite most womens profiles explicitly saying the dont want this.

 

In real life i have been with a few extremely good looking girls, who praised me for being hot, online even average looking women ignore your message. Either my photos sucked or they are able to get the attention of better looking men, because i have my life fairly in order.

[alphamale]

well...with PoF you get what you pay for, which is nothing

[Envy123]

I'm not even picky when it comes with looks and I found OLD disappointing. Surely as personality is more important to me, offline dating works better for me.

[an0nym0us123]

No point moaning about it i guess. But theres obviously dynamics at play that dont happen in real life.

 

If 80% of women genuinely do chase 20% of men then 60% of them are going to be disappointed or played.

 

I messaged girls who i thought were in my league but very few responded. Match was just as poor as PoF and im not paying for it any more.

 

Maybe i dont photo very well, but the same pictures get a decent match rate on tinder with several girls initiating every week and im fairly picky on there these days.

[Gretchen12]

Obviously if you put 100 boys and 100 girls in the same room, they will not match up neatly one to one. I believe the same is true if you tried that with 100 each of male and female of an animal - giraffes, squirrels, dolphins ... Pairing up one to one means there is no selection going on, no elimination.

 

If you find it easier to date people you meet in person, then do that.

[SumGuy]

....

 

Maybe i dont photo very well, but the same pictures get a decent match rate on tinder with several girls initiating every week and im fairly picky on there these days.

Maybe it is not all about your looks on those sites. Isn't Tinder just all about hook ups?

[an0nym0us123]

Not in the UK, mostly seems to be people looking for relationships on tinder. If it wasnt about looks then not sure why anyone would be put off. I own my own house and a small farm, which is basically my own private play ground. Have no debt, dont smoke, no kids, never married, regular gym goer so im in great shape. I thought i was a decent catch

Edited September 10, 2019 by an0nym0us123

[SumGuy]

Not in the UK, mostly seems to be people looking for relationships on tinder. If it wasnt about looks then not sure why anyone would be put off. I own my own house and a small farm, which is basically my own private play ground. Have no debt, dont smoke, no kids, never married, regular gym goer so im in great shape. I thought i was a decent catch

Depends on how you define catch. Not sure what it is in the UK.

Sounds like you are financially stable and in shape, both major pluses.

Depending on age, being never married is good or bad here in the US.

Depending on age women may or may not be interested in finding a catch.

 

I will say the parts about me that women say women find interesting are not the financial or in shape part, those are more like pre-requisites for women who have it together. (Although I suspect at my age if you are in shape and have no performance issues you have a leg up on other men...pun intended)

Then they are looking for intelligence and sense of humor and world outlook. Probably because they have looks and financial stability themselves so they don't need that.

 

Let me caveat all that, for the women I am interested in. I gear my profile to what I like about me the most, character and world view wise, I purposefully keep money/materialism out of it.

[Ellener]

'if i was a really handsome guy, why would I go online and go after average looking women?'

 

I only just started the OLD ( had to look up what it meant a week ago! ) but do people really fit into those categories- handsome or average looking? Aren't we all handsome in some settings, average looking in others? And it's so subjective, attraction.

 

'I gear my profile to what I like about me the most,' ( SumGuy )

 

I'm going to do that then!

[guy45]

There is something important most people don't seem to understand. Just because someone is on your level it doesn't mean they will like you. Some people just have standards way above their own value.

A person can only deviate so much from what they want. What they like is what they like.

 

As an example, if a man looks very feminine and a female on his level is one that looks very masculine, this doesn't mean they can just snap their fingers and adjust their preferences to this type of person.

 

People like what they like.

[an0nym0us123]

Depends on how you define catch. Not sure what it is in the UK.

Sounds like you are financially stable and in shape, both major pluses.

Depending on age, being never married is good or bad here in the US.

Depending on age women may or may not be interested in finding a catch.

 

I will say the parts about me that women say women find interesting are not the financial or in shape part, those are more like pre-requisites for women who have it together. (Although I suspect at my age if you are in shape and have no performance issues you have a leg up on other men...pun intended)

Then they are looking for intelligence and sense of humor and world outlook. Probably because they have looks and financial stability themselves so they don't need that.

 

Let me caveat all that, for the women I am interested in. I gear my profile to what I like about me the most, character and world view wise, I purposefully keep money/materialism out of it.

 

Im early 30's.

 

I never list material things i have in my bio, in fact it was pretty short. Its pretty hard to judge a persons character from a bio and pictures. Whats the point of writing that you are funny and honest etc? That's why you need a date, getting there is the problem. The pictures i used were just pictures of me, not really doing anything as i dont have any. I have some night out type pictures but i dont like them, just look drunk.

 

Theres 280,000 people living within 2.5hrs drive from me. The dating pool is small. But it is what it is.

 

Little side story, 3 years ago i was at a low point in life, was lonely and bored. Id never been online before but one night i opened an account and put up one picture. 5mins later a girl messaged me, we went out for 8 months. 5mins! It was almost as if it was meant to be. Then she left me 3 days before my last ex came after me. Yet another amazing coincidence.

[an0nym0us123]

'if i was a really handsome guy, why would I go online and go after average looking women?'

 

I only just started the OLD ( had to look up what it meant a week ago! ) but do people really fit into those categories- handsome or average looking? Aren't we all handsome in some settings, average looking in others? And it's so subjective, attraction.

 

'I gear my profile to what I like about me the most,' ( SumGuy )

 

I'm going to do that then!

 

If you are attractive your inbox is generally pretty full, especially if you are a woman.

[an0nym0us123]

There is something important most people don't seem to understand. Just because someone is on your level it doesn't mean they will like you. Some people just have standards way above their own value.

A person can only deviate so much from what they want. What they like is what they like.

 

As an example, if a man looks very feminine and a female on his level is one that looks very masculine, this doesn't mean they can just snap their fingers and adjust their preferences to this type of person.

 

People like what they like.

 

I 100% agree. You would have thought if youve had people in real life after you, you would find them online too but that doesnt seem to work the same.

[alphamale]

I 100% agree. You would have thought if youve had people in real life after you, you would find them online too but that doesnt seem to work the same.

 

yes I agree...IRL I do OK with the ladies but on OLD i'm invisible (I think that is cause i'm brown)

[SumGuy]

... but do people really fit into those categories- handsome or average looking? Aren't we all handsome in some settings, average looking in others? And it's so subjective, attraction.

...

Exactly, I know to some/many I'm just average or not even their type so below average, to others I've been "killer" (it's been decades but love that Irish expression), and to those who go out with me handsome to them.

Same with women, I hear guys go on about certain actresses and models but to me they are just above average at best, and when I think about all the people they have supporting their looks I bet they'd be average or worse in person for me.

Then I have dated women that do it for me big time, but not others. For example, I've never gotten why blonde is better. It doesn't turn me off but dark raven hair, that's it for me....etc., etc.

Decent grooming, decent shape, most people have a decent enough face that you're someone's type.

I've also been alive enough to know for me that personality makes a big difference so don't get caught up too much in photos.

[guy45]

If online dating doesn't work and you don't have success with women online you probably need to change your lifestyle. By that I mean find a job that puts you in more social situations, or results in more socialization.

 

I'm currently trying to find a new job because go figure you can't meet women if your job doesn't involve getting out of the house a lot.

[Ellener]

'I'm currently trying to find a new job because go figure you can't meet women if your job doesn't involve getting out of the house a lot.' ( guy45 )

 

I'm signing up for short-term new stuff for a while, like a gardening class tonight.

[an0nym0us123]

If online dating doesn't work and you don't have success with women online you probably need to change your lifestyle. By that I mean find a job that puts you in more social situations, or results in more socialization.

 

I'm currently trying to find a new job because go figure you can't meet women if your job doesn't involve getting out of the house a lot.

 

I meet basically no one day to day. Hence why i though online would give me a chance. I did get dates and there was a couple of flings so it wasnt all a waste. I think i too need to put myself in a position where i meet people day to day

[guy45]

I meet basically no one day to day. Hence why i though online would give me a chance. I did get dates and there was a couple of flings so it wasnt all a waste. I think i too need to put myself in a position where i meet people day to day

I need to do the exact same, it should come as no surprise we can’t meet women. Heck even talking to people daily, let alone finding a girlfriend, is great.

Edited September 10, 2019 by guy45

[SumGuy]

I meet basically no one day to day. Hence why i though online would give me a chance. I did get dates and there was a couple of flings so it wasnt all a waste. I think i too need to put myself in a position where i meet people day to day

 

While I did/do meet women day to day through work, they are either associates, clients or potential partners. So not really appropriate to ask out, and even if it was (like a fellow exec) way to many complications if it doesn't work out. Been there and done that before getting married. Likewise in my social circle, went out with three immediately post-divorce (basically every woman that was both available and attractive to me). Didn't expect any of those to last (would call them flings) but it ended up being very awkward with one, you sometimes never really know a person.

 

Overall, I think the expression is, don't sh*t where you live.

 

I'm not one for picking up women on the street, at a bar, or club, or even the grocery store or gym (again another place one "lives"). Also don't have alot of time for meet-up groups or clubs, and the stuff I really would make the time for is not known for attracting eligible women for where I am in life...if I was only in to men.

 

 

So can't think of a much better option than OLD. If the situation arises in day-to-day will certainly strike up a conversation but it would be more by pure chance than anything else.

[an0nym0us123]

I thought old would work for me too, given the first time i tried it i met someone in 5 mins! Why did that happen?

 

Given my remote ish location, it puts me in touch with women id never meet otherwise.

 

Tinder has worked better than an actual dating site. Had a number of dates off there. But none in over 2 months from anywhere so i guess im in a bit of a dry spell ?

[Twizzlestick]

OP Don’t be fooled, it’s literally not you. POF is dire. I’ve had decent success on tinder but non on POF.

 

The profiles look rubbish on the phone app. It’s a shockingly bad app. Visually a mess. You just end up in the sea of dudes and it is a sea. A lot of girls get swamped and use it as an ego filling tool. There’s a reason why the mutual swipe idea worked on tinder. I’m deleting it. Also deleted ok Cupid, coffee meets bagel and happn. In the Uk those are an utter waste of time.

[Gretchen12]

I'm not one for picking up women on the street, at a bar, or club, or even the grocery store or gym.

...

 

If the situation arises in day-to-day will certainly strike up a conversation but it would be more by pure chance than anything else.

 

What's the difference between picking up and striking up a conversation when your intention is to date? All men who want to pick up a woman should start with striking up a conversation. Maybe for men it's different? Does "pick up" imply some stupid one liner thrown at promiscuous women for a one night stand? That actually sounds kind of 1970's. Maybe because I'm older now (in my 50's), the men who approach me for dating no longer "pick up", they converse.

[SumGuy]

Maybe not much except the intent. For me a conversation arises naturally and works in the moment, I’m all about striking them up with people for the conversation not a dating motive. But also not adverse to asking someone out if it arose.

For me a pick up would be seeing an attractive women in the grocery then coming up to her and trying to strike up a conversation to ask her out. The motive is different, the approach is different. It would be one thing if we both happened to be picking out avacados and a comment was made (by me or her) even if I did it because I liked her look.

 

It’s also for me I’m not certain I’d want to pick up a woman in a bar that was out and looking to get picked up in such a venue. I don’t go to bars or clubs for that myself.

 

At least with OLD I get more to go on than looks before reaching out.

[an0nym0us123]

OP Don’t be fooled, it’s literally not you. POF is dire. I’ve had decent success on tinder but non on POF.

 

The profiles look rubbish on the phone app. It’s a shockingly bad app. Visually a mess. You just end up in the sea of dudes and it is a sea. A lot of girls get swamped and use it as an ego filling tool. There’s a reason why the mutual swipe idea worked on tinder. I’m deleting it. Also deleted ok Cupid, coffee meets bagel and happn. In the Uk those are an utter waste of time.

 

I kinda agree and tbh there were very few women on it id even be interested in dating. Only a sprinkling and I imagine they would be bombarded every day.

 

Match wasnt really any better.

 

Tinder is a better app. Way more users and more conversations, lots of women initiating contact.