When politics interfere

[Fluffkitty]

So, for the history. I've been friends with this person for 16 years. She was there during the worst time in my life, my divorce. She was the only person who supported me in moving across the country to start over and she even drove the UHaul for me. We have traveled together and have been very close.

 

We are both passionate about politics. Not to get into it but we are both Democrats. I'm supporting Warren and she's backing Kamala Harris. No big deal right? It's not like either of these women are miles apart on policy.

 

Today she comes in hot via text saying something about Warren endorsing a far left liberal in Texas and how could I be supporting such a white, entitled woman. I know nothing about this and I'm at work, I don't have time to get granular on every little thing that the canidates are doing. I calmly say I will vote for whoever the nominee is, be it Wareen, Harris or Biden. I should have left it there because I followed up and said the nominee will most likely be Biden due to the make up of the country.

 

She blasted me for my "internalized racism" that I was talking like a privileged white person (she's white by the way) and that I needed to take a good hard look at my bias. When I asked what the hell are you talking about, she went on to blast me as a racist that doesn't support POC. She then proclaims that she is voting however POC are voting and that she doesn't even know who I am anymore. I then mentioned that my Black and Latino friends are all supporting Warren and the response back was POC in New England (where I live) don't really count, they are not oppressed like POC in the South. She finished off with she doesn't think she can be my friend anymore because I have internalized racism that I refuse to acknowledge.

 

I don't want this to devolve into a political argument, I'm just stunned that someone I knew for 16 years, who knows I'm not a racist and knows that I have a kind heart for all people decides in one day to blow up our friendship in the span of an hour over this. I'm hurt and a bit angry and I'm not sure if I should reach out and try to mend this or if I should just let her go.

 

It breaks my heart...

[schlumpy]

It's human nature and it's illustrated all through history. After the French revolution loped off the heads of all obvious aristocrats it started to feed on itself until Robespierre himself was deemed not "revoloutionary" enough and sent off to join the line at the national razor.

 

The Bolsheviks did the same thing. Once communism was in place then it was a matter of being communistic enough. One by one, Stalin had them all killed.

 

We saw some of it ourselves with McCarthyism in 1950s although not to the extent that people lost their lives. Many did lose their livelihoods though.

 

Once a group conquers all opposition then out comes the purity tests that it applies to it's own ranks. Political, Religious, and ideology: choose your category

 

Don't get involved with it. Take each person as an individual and measure their influence on your life as a positive or a negative.

 

If I goofed up the history please just amend it.

[basil67]

Half of me would want to cut her off. The other half of me would wonder if she's got something going on. I'd be inclined to respond (using non accusatory language and not making it about my feelings) with something like "These comments are very much unlike you. Are you OK?"

 

If she returns with another rant, then don't respond at all. She may come back in the future and apologise....but don't reach out.

[Woggle]

You might want to find some new friends

Edited September 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed off topic part

[basil67]

Woggle, I'm hoping that you're joking. Fanning the flames of disconnect does nobody any favours.

[Woggle]

Woggle, I'm hoping that you're joking. Fanning the flames of disconnect does nobody any favours.

 

I choose not to keep unreasonable people in my life and people like this are not reasonable. The OP should tell her they can agree to disagree and if they can't do that then they can go their separate ways. Being around people like this is like being around brainwashed cult members.

[Fluffkitty]

Woggle, I'm hoping that you're joking. Fanning the flames of disconnect does nobody any favours.

 

You are right. It's not even about the politics per say, it's the fact that someone you have known for 16 years is suddenly a different person and you are left standing there wondering what the heck just happened?

 

I don't know, maybe it's foolish to think you can have lifelong friends. People change, not always for the better.

[LivingWaterPlease]

To me, it says volumes about her that she is getting fired up at someone she knows well because of her opinion about someone she's never met.

 

That's crazy to me.

[Woggle]

I know it hurts to see somebody you love turn into this but it happens and unless she has a come to jesus moment you might have to just cut her loose. Her type just can't be reasoned with. I can reason more with a junkie on the street than I can with a zealot because zealots believe they are righteous and anybody who doesn't tow the line is the enemy. A friend had has wife turn crazy like this and he eventually had to divorce her.

[basil67]

I choose not to keep unreasonable people in my life and people like this are not reasonable. The OP should tell her they can agree to disagree and if they can't do that then they can go their separate ways. Being around people like this is like being around brainwashed cult members.

 

And if it's been ascertained that she has changed and become unreasonable in an ongoing manner, I agree. But this is the first time a good friend of 16 years has done this. Finding out if she's OK is what a good friend does before writing someone off.

 

I once had to change my depression meds and went a bit nuts during the process. It got to the stage where I had to ban myself from social media...but there were some very over-reactive posts I wrote before I banished myself.

[Woggle]

That is why I changed my stance to trying to reason with her and if that fails maybe cut her losses.

[preraph]

She's bought into all the weekly phrase-of-the-week media propaganda. This is why I'm embarrassed to be a Democrat right now. It's just the most racist it's ever been, and that road goes both ways. She needs to stop watching CNN. That's who starts so much of that crap.

[basil67]

But you can't reason with someone who's not themselves. The question from a friend should simply be "this is unlike you - are you OK?"

[Woggle]

With the political climate the way things are today people like this are not uncommon.

[Fluffkitty]

But you can't reason with someone who's not themselves. The question from a friend should simply be "this is unlike you - are you OK?"

 

You are right, I need to find out if everything is ok with her. I'll give it a couple of days because I'm way to emotional right now to be rational about it.

 

If she blasts me over that, then I guess I have my answer.

[basil67]

Yep, if your response is neutral and compassionate and she loses it, then walk away.

[gaius]

I grew up in New England and my uncle works at a software company up there, he sends me stories about the looney tunes he works with. The latest was some girl who is now refusing to read any books by white authors. And she's white too.

 

It's almost like a zombie disease that's spreading. And like in a zombie film if she won't come around to her senses you might just have to let her go. =\

[Timshel]

Lol, because what POC need is for some white captain save a color to come sweeping in on charge, trumpets sounding, 'here i am to save the day.' lol.

Thanks goodness you showed up, well what we do without you telling us what to be all pissed off about...and thanks for shunning others on our behalf.

How would any person care about us without a good white person taking charge. lol.

 

I'm being facetious ofcourse. You may have to stand back awhile Fluffkitty and let this friend throwing away a long relationship do her thing. If she becomes reasonable and more beneficial to her cause, btw, then see where it goes.

[Watercolors]

You are right, I need to find out if everything is ok with her. I'll give it a couple of days because I'm way to emotional right now to be rational about it.

 

If she blasts me over that, then I guess I have my answer.

 

Maybe she's bored with her life and is projecting that boredom onto politics, looking for something outside of herself to "solve" so she doesn't have to face her own inner issues about her own dissatisfaction with her life? I don't know how old you both are. Maybe it's menopause? Maybe it's depression.

 

Give your friend a phone call (don't use texts or instant messaging for friendship repair). Find out what's really going on. Politics may be the catalyst to ending the friendship, but it probably isn't the real cause...just a convenient excuse to avoid telling you the truth about why she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore.

 

I know three people like the type Timshel describes where they use their white privilege as a soapbox to rant about how white people are bad to POC and so they will martyr themselves and be the face of all POC. I'm white and I think doing that is manipulative, b/c it's using POC as an excuse to push their own misguided, delusional political and racial agendas on everyone else.

 

As to your friend. I was in your same situation with a two friends, a woman and a man. They both ended their friendship with me, using politics as the reason. But what i later came to realize was that fundamentally, I was just too different from them, and that's why our friendships with each other failed.