Mama_Bear Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 A few years ago I saw that my had his iPad out when I look it had been signed into a different account. When I Later searched for the account on my phone i found it under his mom name and his last name with pictures of a child. The account had 2 friends one of which I think my husband cheated on me with . Her name is Juliana and now I see she is the mother of the child there are photos of her and the child on her profile. My husband denies everything I been trying for years asking if he is the father . What should I do ? How will I ever get this information it’s driving me crazy Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 Can you ask Juliana? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mama_Bear Posted September 10, 2019 Author Share Posted September 10, 2019 I thought about it I just assume she wouldn’t answer Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 11, 2019 Share Posted September 11, 2019 If it was his child, wouldn't he have to pay child support to the mother?? Is there any money missing from your budget?? Do you balance the family checkbook?? Any missing checks or wires?? Have you seen his pay stub, any employer deductions for child support?? Does his W-2 match his last pay stub for the year?? Unless he has an "under the table" job, where he is utilizing all of those funds to pay the mother for child support, I can't think of any way he could be paying. In my opinion, if he is not paying child support... its not his kid. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 11, 2019 Share Posted September 11, 2019 Are these his friends, your friends or both? You will have to use DNA. It should be easy to get a DNA sample from your husband but you may have to contrive a reason to get one from the child. Take him out for ice cream? What happens when you find out? If it is his child and he obviously cheated it was a while ago. Is this just an itch you need to scratch or do you see a use for this information for leverage? If nothing changes for you go to counseling instead. Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted September 11, 2019 Share Posted September 11, 2019 Just curious, but if there's no money missing, what does it matter if it is his kid or not? If your husband had an affair, do you need further confirmation in order to divorce? Or if you want to stay married, why not let it go? My husband may have had a kid with an ex girlfriend back in highschool. She moved about the last time they hooked up, and had her kid a bit later. The kid is a teenager now, and the last time I saw him he was a mirror image of my husband. The guy that my husband's ex married claims the kid as his son and it is plausible due to timing, so it is just water under the bridge. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mama_Bear Posted September 11, 2019 Author Share Posted September 11, 2019 She lives in a country where child support doesn’t exist but I’m sure he could be sending money each month very easily. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mama_Bear Posted September 11, 2019 Author Share Posted September 11, 2019 Are these his friends, your friends or both? You will have to use DNA. It should be easy to get a DNA sample from your husband but you may have to contrive a reason to get one from the child. Take him out for ice cream? What happens when you find out? If it is his child and he obviously cheated it was a while ago. Is this just an itch you need to scratch or do you see a use for this information for leverage? If nothing changes for you go to counseling instead. The child and mother live in a different county. I need to know the truth one way or another Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mama_Bear Posted September 11, 2019 Author Share Posted September 11, 2019 Just curious, but if there's no money missing, what does it matter if it is his kid or not? If your husband had an affair, do you need further confirmation in order to divorce? Or if you want to stay married, why not let it go? My husband may have had a kid with an ex girlfriend back in highschool. She moved about the last time they hooked up, and had her kid a bit later. The kid is a teenager now, and the last time I saw him he was a mirror image of my husband. The guy that my husband's ex married claims the kid as his son and it is plausible due to timing, so it is just water under the bridge. I can’t be sure money is missing he handles the financials. I just need to know the truth . Im sick of him hiding his phone . He literally never puts in down and sleeps with it on him so I can’t get it . Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 11, 2019 Share Posted September 11, 2019 I can’t be sure money is missing he handles the financials. I think its about time for you to dig into the family finances. I don't know how much it costs to raise a child in your country or the country where the child & baby mama are, but I can't imagine it would be small or insignificant. You have just as much right to work on the family finances as he does. Tell him you want to participate in the monthly budget/checkbook/savings/retirement planning, etc. Educate yourself about the numbers, where the money goes, etc. Even if he is NOT paying for this child, it is still a good idea to know where the money goes each month and attempt to eliminate waste. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 11, 2019 Share Posted September 11, 2019 I can’t be sure money is missing he handles the financials. I just need to know the truth . Im sick of him hiding his phone . He literally never puts in down and sleeps with it on him so I can’t get it . If he does this, then there is no doubt in my mind that kid is his. If it wasn't then why is he hiding stuff and going to extremes to hide his phone? Why would he have pictures of a kid that isn't his? He is 100% hiding stuff from you. Try contacting this woman first and ask her for the truth. If that's a bust then tell him you want a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 11, 2019 Share Posted September 11, 2019 Im sick of him hiding his phone . He literally never puts in down and sleeps with it on him so I can’t get it . This is a very bad sign. Read some threads in the Infidelity and OM/OW sections. Very, very likely that something's up. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 11, 2019 Share Posted September 11, 2019 The child and mother live in a different county. I need to know the truth one way or another Offer her money to get her child DNA tested. The amount is up to you and whatever she will accept. Once you have the profile get some DNA from her Husband and have that analyzed. There you have an answer one way or another. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 11, 2019 Share Posted September 11, 2019 Offer her money to get her child DNA tested. That isn't going to work... the "baby mama" will cheek swab some other person or even herself and send that DNA to the OP (and keep the money). Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 That isn't going to work... the "baby mama" will cheek swab some other person or even herself and send that DNA to the OP (and keep the money). It would have to be handled through a local (in the other country) lawyer or trustworthy third party. I left that out on purpose Happy. I didn't want to insult the OP by stating the obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 It would have to be handled through a local (in the other country) lawyer or trustworthy third party. I left that out on purpose Happy. I didn't want to insult the OP by stating the obvious. They don't even have a child support enforcement agency in that country; how are you going to find a "trustworthy third party". Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 They don't even have a child support enforcement agency in that country; how are you going to find a "trustworthy third party". I don't know what country I'm dealing with and even I did I wouldn't know the laws governing this type of situation. I'm just offering an idea and will rely on the OP to tell me it stinks. I will then try to think of something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mama_Bear Posted September 12, 2019 Author Share Posted September 12, 2019 If he signed the birth certificate is there anyway to find that out ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 Im sick of him hiding his phone . He literally never puts in down and sleeps with it on him so I can’t get it . At the risk of sounding hypocritical, sleeping with your phone on you isn't normal. I do it because I use earbuds to listen to something while I'm falling asleep, but unless he's doing that or he's on call for work or something, this is a really big red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 If he signed the birth certificate is there anyway to find that out ? Depends on the public records laws for that country. I think it would be easier to look at the family checkbook, bank account and/or budget. Are you a "signer" on the bank account that is utilized for day to day expenses?? If so, go in the bank and request copies of the bank statements for the last year. I'm assuming you know what his "take home" pay is, look for his paycheck or direct deposit coming into the account, then look at the outgoing checks/wires/on-line bill pay, etc. (out going funds). If there is a "payee" you don't recognize, dig into that expenditure a little deeper. Again, if you are a signer on the account, the bank should be able to assist you. You don't have to tell the bank the whole story, just tell them that you would like more detail on this "check" or "out going" wire. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 If he signed the birth certificate is there anyway to find that out ? Where I live I go to the records bureau, plunk down thirty-five dollars and they print up a birth certificate. There may be something online that you can look at unless the country you talking about doesn't have an internet. Just joking. It's a very good idea and might be the quick strike you are looking for. Happy's financial approach could also bear fruit but it may take many hours. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 It's a very good idea and might be the quick strike you are looking for. Happy's financial approach could also bear fruit but it may take many hours. My thought process is... the support payments should be fairly large and coming out of the account on a fairly regular basis. A quick glance at few months bank statements would give the OP an answer, at that point she could do a more thorough audit of past years' bank statements to show multiple withdrawals/payments... possibly showing a pattern. At that point, her evidence would be indisputable. I'm also in agreement with other posters that the cell phone behavior is odd. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 My thought process is... the support payments should be fairly large and coming out of the account on a fairly regular basis. A quick glance at few months bank statements would give the OP an answer, at that point she could do a more thorough audit of past years' bank statements to show multiple withdrawals/payments... possibly showing a pattern. At that point, her evidence would be indisputable. I'm also in agreement with other posters that the cell phone behavior is odd. I agree. The answer could be in the financials and is worth pursuing. Why hasn't she gone after this? Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Just curious, but if there's no money missing, what does it matter if it is his kid or not? If your husband had an affair, do you need further confirmation in order to divorce? Or if you want to stay married, why not let it go? My husband may have had a kid with an ex girlfriend back in highschool. She moved about the last time they hooked up, and had her kid a bit later. The kid is a teenager now, and the last time I saw him he was a mirror image of my husband. The guy that my husband's ex married claims the kid as his son and it is plausible due to timing, so it is just water under the bridge. I know that children with different partners is the norm in your home because your marriage is polygamous. However, the majority of spouses in a monogamous marriage would understandably have an issue with the deceit of a child with another person outside of the marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mama_Bear Posted September 13, 2019 Author Share Posted September 13, 2019 My husband has a side job . Kinda iike a taxi service he does when not working his real job . They pay him in cash which is what he could be sending to baby mama. Also giving him opportunity to leave the house whenever he wants . When I say u are never home he just says I’m making money for you to spend . I just need the easy way to find out what he’s been up to. Link to post Share on other sites
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