Is 33 too old to find success in dating?

[SumGuy]

I went to meetups and classes and yoga for years and never got anything going with a woman there who was single and interested in me. They were all taken or not interested. It was very inefficient and ineffective. ...

The thing is you need to first do these things for you, that is you would do them even if there were no women there. That way it's fun no matter what. As I think I saw elsewhere, a lot of women can pick up on the vibe you are just there to meet women and wouldn't be there otherwise.

When you change your inner approach, i.e. there because it is fun not just to meet women, it permeates out to your interactions...also the women are likely there for the activity not primarily to meet men.

Lastly, meeting women this way, in my opinion because have very little experience with it (not zero just not much) is more of a long term thing...like they see you there for months and you start off bonding over the activity and then see if a spark might exist.

[elaine567]

"All work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy."

[SumGuy]

Perhaps. I work 8 hours a day, commute 2 hours, come home and fall asleep because I’m exhausted. . Weekends I read or watch tv then go to bed. Don’t have any friends I hang out with regularly. That’s my life.

 

I get that some jobs are physically demanding and 8 hours is a drain, even at 33, but even when I had such a job (bottom of the totem pole in a house painting company, lots of scrapping) in my 20s was able to recover enough to go out on the weekday from time to time; certainly the weekends.

 

I'd be careful saying you work a lot on dates, 8 hours + 2 hours of commute...that is very average and only consumes 10 hours of your day.

If that really is draining you so much, then children probably are not in your cards. Imagine doing all that but before you left for work you spent an hour on child care then another hour or two with your kids in the evening, add in you are going to be doing that on 4-6 hours a sleep a night for the first 6 months.

 

From your user name thought you may be a musician. Given what you like to do on the weekends (I'm an introvert so I get it) is a book club or show watching group something you have considered?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

If that really is draining you so much, then children probably are not in your cards.

 

Excellent point.

[Redhead14]

Redguitar, you too young to be so focused and fretful about finding someone. I was married for 30 years, divorced amicably, I was 47 when I met my, now deceased fiance back in 2010, and 55 when I met my current SO and we've been together for 5 years and he's 66 now.

 

When you're fretting and feeling even a little desperate, you're going to be giving off vibes that you aren't even aware of.

 

Step back for a while and stop thinking about all this. Stop the search for a bit and regain your center and focus on other important things in life. While you're doing that is when you're likely to meet someone and suddenly you'll be in a relationship. It's kinda like "a watched pot never boils" thing.

Edited September 12, 2019 by Redhead14

[winny]

That’s easier said than done at my age and with my work schedule. I leave home at 8 and don’t get home until 7 each night. The time getting ready for work, commuting to work, working and then commuting back from work, I’m probably devoting 11 hours a day to work. I have no energy for going out when I get home.

 

Let's say a girl is ready to date you, how are you planning to make time for the relationship with this kind of schedule?

 

Do you tell the girls about your schedule and that you have no time? That would definitely turn off a woman.

[Twizzlestick]

I’m 39 and had a few dates with 28/29 year olds. Seem to match with late 20s early 30s so your age is not a factor at all.

 

Forget 20 year olds. Not because of YOUR age, but because of theirs. I work with a hell of a lot of good looking twenty year olds (lucky me you might say). It’s like talking to someone from Mars and their mannerisms are quite a turn off, silly giggling over inane crap, won’t leave their phones alone.

 

Women turn much more sensible a prospect mid twenties onwards when they get a little more mature and has to be said, stop viewing themselves as unicorns. Girls in their early twenties forget they have only a few years of messing about like princesses selling off their looks, before the glooms set in. Most good looking girls in their late twenties/early 30s I work with consider themselves “old”. It’s wrong, but tends to make them a bit more humble. These are the ones you want to date - balanced grown women who are mature, not vain young girls.

Edited September 23, 2019 by Twizzlestick

[ZA Dater]

Women turn much more sensible a prospect mid twenties onwards when they get a little more mature and has to be said, stop viewing themselves as unicorns. Girls in their early twenties forget they have only a few years of messing about like princesses selling off their looks, before the glooms set in. Most good looking girls in their late twenties/early 30s I work with consider themselves “old”. It’s wrong, but tends to make them a bit more humble. These are the ones you want to date - balanced grown women who are mature, not vain young girls.

 

Most are also married by late 20's so one is left with....

 

I reckon the best chance one has is with those with the least amount of baggage but conversely they are the most desirable so the competition will be greatest.

 

Success is really what you make of it, I consider the friend zone to be a success of sorts because its probably better having a great friend than a average girl friend.

 

Age does catch up though because the older you are the more ladies expect you to have some sort of history, lack of history I think might be worse than bad history.

 

Someone on this forum taught me something valuable, one needs to look at what one brings to the table and I think this is true because no matter how we can go on about loving people for personality we actually want them to bring tangible things to the table too.

 

I think you can find whatever you deem to be success.